EVERYTHING OLD IS NEW AGAIN, Vol. 42 - August 2022

Everything Old Is New Again
Vol. 42 - August, 2022

By “Doc” Hunter Bush, Podcast Czar

Howdy everyone, and welcome to Everything Old Is New Again, my monthly column covering Adaptations, Remakes, and Legacy Sequels coming to screens great and small! This month we’ve got a few streaming series, another attempt to make the Predator “a thing” again, and my sweet Satan - so many prequels. Ugh.

It’s oppressively hot here in Philadelphia, so there’s no better time to stay indoors with icy drinks and check out a new show, or retreat to the air conditioned sanctuary of a darkened theater - but please do so safely as we’re not even close to out of the pandemic woods yet - and spend the afternoon taking in a film (or two). In this column, I round up an assortment of appropriate projects, check out their available trailers, and try to give a run down of my thoughts on them. What are they based on? Do they look interesting? Will I see them?

Find out below! I’ll also include a SPOTLIGHT near the bottom on some films or series that aren’t necessarily new but do meet EOINA criteria and will be streaming this month, in case you haven’t seen ‘em.

<>

PREMIERES
New content coming to theaters and streamers new you!

August 5th

Bullet Train (dir. David Leitch)
Where: in theaters

Based on the novel Maria Beetle by Kôtarô Isaka, it was a done deal that I’d want to see this because: Michael Shannon is in it. True, he’s not the lead. That would be Mr. Brad Pitt playing a former mercenary (in a bucket hat!) returning to the job with a new, non-lethal outlook on life: “If you put peace out into the world, you get peace back”. Of course, despite this being a seemingly easy job for his return - retrieving a briefcase from the titular bullet train - things quickly spiral out of control when a whole rogue’s gallery of also mercenaries seem just as dead-set on collecting the case. Joey King, Karen Fukuhara, Zazie Beetz, Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Logan Lerman, Hiroyuki Sanada, Brian Tyree Henry, Masi Oka, and Bad Bunny all seem to be playing various contract killers with codenames based around mostly bugs and fruit, with Sandra Bullock as the voice in Pitt’s ear, his “guy in the chair”, the Maria Beetle of the film’s source novel’s title.

And then there’s Our Boy, Mike Shannon. “Big Chicago” some call him, or “One of our best living actors”. All I know is: his character is named White Death, he is covered in Yakuza style tattoos, he wields a katana, and he’s barely shown in the trailer. This could either be good or bad: either they’re burying him in the edit so as to not give away that he’s the Big Bad -OR- he gets taken down without much fanfare, perhaps in the style of the flashy swordsman unceremoniously shot in the market in Raiders of the Lost Ark (allegedly because Harrison Ford had food poisoning, but I digress). Either way, If You Put Michael Shannon In Your Film, I Will See It. On top of all that, this is very colorful, looks silly (and vaguely surreal) and action packed, and overall feels like a good time.

Note: I will be covering this for MovieJawn, so keep an eye out for that if it hasn’t dropped already.

The Sandman (series)
Where: Netflix

Based on the classic comic books series from DC’s alternative imprint Vertigo, this original series from netflix will run for 2 seasons, fail to “make Stranger Things numbers” and be canceled leaving a sub-Stranger Things amount of fans flabbergasted in its wake.

And that’s fine. It’s fine. Because you know what? There’s no way any adaptation of Neil Gaiman’s magnum opus could have the effect that reading the thing would. I know this. I’m not precious about things like that, but the important legacy of The Sandman isn’t what happens in the story, it’s how all of it makes you feel.

It’s entirely possible that this series, which will undoubtedly stray from the source material, as it should, will be able to evoke similar feelings in a whole new swath of people, but for me personally - I’m fine. I’ll give it a spin, and will most likely enjoy it, but with the dusty, washed out visuals I’m guessing it won’t grab me quite the way I want it to and I’ll just have to go visit my mom’s to pick up my collection and re-read them. And that’ll be magical.

8th

Prey (dir. Dan Trachtenberg)
Where: Hulu

This latest attempt to keep the Predator franchise in folks’ minds comes from the director of 10 Cloverfield Lane, a modern masterwork of tension AND franchise structure (that has somehow fallen by the wayside, I feel?) which is a good sign, right? That combined with the unique take on what could be thought of as “the traditional Predator narrative” could mean we’re in for something really fun! And this *does* look fun!

A Native American woman (Amber Midthunder) sets out to prove she can hunt as well as anyone, and encounters the Predator, a huge space alien with advanced technology that allows it to become invisible (well, mostly), track heat signatures, shoot lasers, and (famously, climactically) self destruct when necessary. As the text in the trailer says, Predators “Live to Hunt” while Naru (Midthunder) and her tribe “Hunt to Live”, so it appears that they all unite to hunt down this intergalactic menace and kill it.

Why, though? That’s the question. Traditionally the Predators being the intergalactic big game hunters they are, come to Earth for a challenge: a bunch of soldiers in a jungle, or one of the guys from Lethal Weapon in New York. Occasionally they even abduct folks from Earth and take them somewhere else to hunt them, like when you kidnap a homeless man and then let him loose on your property with a 20 minute head start and the promise that if he makes it to sun up, you’ll let him go free. What’s that? You don’t have The Most Dangerous Game parties? Hm. Your loss. Before you ask - no, you’re not invited to mine.

10th

Locke & Key (series)
Where: Netflix

The third season of Netflix’s honestly quite engrossing adaptation of the Joe Hill & Gabriel Rodriguez comic series looks… I mean it looks very good, but it’s been a little while since I’ve watched L&K so, I’ve gotta be honest with you, I completely forget where we left things. Was Kevin Durand in the last season? I don’t recall Kevin Durand.

The story follows a troubled family and their lineage involving a mysterious house and an array of magical keys found within. This is the final season of the series and it looks like we’re primarily getting the history of the keys and/or the house and/or the family - or more likely we’ll see how all of those things are intertwined. If the series wraps up anything like the books, expect a bittersweet ending.

I’m very excited. I’ve really enjoyed Locke & Key and can’t wait to see how the show ties things up. And I’ll definitely be rewatching some episodes as a refresher first.

I Am Groot (series)
Where: Disney+

In the Marvel MCU films, Groot is the sentient tree-creature alien voiced by Vin Diesel that pals around with the Guardians of the Galaxy. In the first GotG flick, he sacrificed himself to save the rest only to reveal that: being some kind of plant alien, he didn’t exactly “die”, and we were collectively gifted Baby Groot. At some point between movies he matured somewhat into a sullen, moody teenager who had to relearn to be a team player. Which he did (spoilers).

This series seems to take place in that gap space between pocket-sized Baby Groot, a pouty teenage jerkoff Groot. There aren’t any proper trailers for this yet but the only footage I think is new to this project is of Baby Groot in a car driven by a lady and they are both being pursued by some kind of technological drone things that look like- remember when the iMac came in different candy colors in the ‘90s? The orange one of those.

I’ve seen some things saying this is a short and NOT a series, but I’m also seeing a series listing. It could be that both things are true and the series and short are both named after Groot’s catchphrase. Either way, I guess we’ll see where this falls on the “Fun” v “Required” scale that the MCU’s side projects have necessitated.

12th

A League of Their Own (series)
Where: Amazon Prime

I love Penny Marshall’s 1992 film upon which this series is based. It’s a masterpiece. The story of the WWII era All-American women’s baseball league, told via the trials and tribulations of the Rockford Peaches, it’s also about sisterhood (biological and otherwise), friendship, determination, and love. The storytelling, characters, performances, and most magically the editing are all top notch. It should feel manipulative in how it vascillates from tear jerking to rib tickling, but it doesn’t. It works. I’m very excited for it to get a full series treatment.

The teasers don’t offer a ton of details, but one thing I’m quite glad to see is that it looks like the series is really elaborating on moments from the movie. Notably, there’s a scene in the original where a ball rolls to the feet of a black woman watching the Peaches practice (baseball was still segregated at that time) and when she throws it back, the pitch has some real heat on it. It’s the movie acknowledging that, while it is spotlighting women it wasn’t spotlighting *all* women.

In the teaser there are a few brief shots of Chanté Adams in a non-Peaches uniform, and one of her sharing a beer with Abbi Jacobson (in a Peaches uniform) so the series might be following more than one team, or perhaps Jacobson’s and Adams’ teams will play against each other. Either way, a wider spotlight is a welcome addition. I can’t wait to watch this.

17th

She-Hulk: Attorney at Law (series)
Where: Disney+

She-Hulk is the Hulk’s cousin. In the comics, she was injured in an attempted mob hit and needed an emergency blood transfusion, which Hulk could provide… BUT AT WHAT COST? Well, I’m glad you asked: after recovering (faster than usual, if I remember correctly) Jennifer Walters also can turn into a Hulk, but like, a sexy lady Hulk. In the mid-2000s, writer Dan Slott reintroduced She-Hulk as a top lawyer in the Superhuman Law department of a prestigious law firm who had to learn, essentially, proper work/life balance (but also Jen/Shulk balance). The tone of that series was funnier, more self-aware and comics-literate than the usual Marvel fair and featured a character actively embracing her sex appeal

That seems to be the approach this MCU spin-off is taking: a super hero-y twist on the half hour legal drama, with Jen taking on a new case each episode. There’s a car accident in the trailer, but it’s not clear if this is the event that necessitates a blood transfusion or if she comes by her She-Hulk powers through some other means.

There are a bunch of quick cut shots of characters scattered throughout the trailer including Frog Man (who has a suit that allows him to jump quite high), Titania played by Jameela Jamil (who has powers that rival She-Hulk but come from alien science/magic), the return of Abomination played by Tim Roth (an also giant brute who appeared in the original Hulk MCU movie in 2008), and a few allusions to the Wrecking Crew (a group of super criminals who used to work construction and utilize those types of tools - wrecking ball, crowbar, etc - for crime). This could be not only a lot of fun, and feature a sexually empowered character in the largely sexless MCU, but a great way to backdoor pilot a bunch of characters to expand the universe a little bit.

19th

Orphan: First Kill (dir. William Brent Bell)
Where: in theaters, Paramount+ (pay tier)

Based on the 2009 film Orphan from (more recently) Jungle Cruise director Jaume Collet-Serra, this prequel (cuz as of the end of the original, she dead) follows a previous, murderous misadventure starring Esther (Isabelle Fuhrman - returning to the role). If you haven’t seen Orphan I recommend it, but the gist of it is that Esther is not quite the sweet little girl that her adoptive family thinks.

This is a problem with making a prequel to a perfect little one-off horror movie: you can’t do anything too radical with the character because she has to end up exactly where she started the original flick and to that end, they seem to be treading exactly the same ground here as in the original.

From what I can gather, four years ago a little girl named Esther disappeared. She returns, but needs to reacclimate to her family. “Four years is a long time” some child psychologist or another says, which will be used to explain away all her weird behavior for at least the first ⅔ of the film. But slowly the family realize something’s up: “Esther” (read: definitely not actually Esther) is much better at art than she oughta be, and she’s making green smoothies for her mom (Julia Stiles) that are laced with something or other. Somebody definitely knows this girl is Wrong, so there’s someone doing a fingerprint analysis and yadda yadda yadda

I’m torn on this one. In general, prequels rarely do it for me because they have a foregone conclusion which can dampen tension, but I am staunchly in favor of new horror franchises. I’ve previously gone to bat for the long-gap sequel to The Boy (which shares director Willaim Brent Bell with First Kill) with this same logic: Give me long term horror characters à la Freddy, Jason, Michael Myers, etc., but with The Boy, Ma, The Empty Man, and sure Esther from Orphan, why not. I just don’t know if a prequel is the best idea.

The filmmakers seem to be playing Esther’s greatest hits a little bit, notably aping a reveal from the first Orphan involving her disguising her more deranged artwork by painting in black light reactive paint that is otherwise invisible, which leads to a reveal that works just fine in the first movie. But if the black light paint trick gets discovered in First Kill, why would she do it again later on? It would make more sense for her to have hidden these drawings in a different manner (even as simple as just drawing on the back of her more family friendly art, or drawing on a separate sheet of paper and pinning it up behind the cutesy stuff) which, upon getting found out would necessitate her coming up with a new strategy.

Overall I’m a little lukewarm on this conceptually, but I have an affection for Esther as a character (again, in the same way I feel about someone like Jason Voorhees) and the presence of William Brent Bell is notable to me. I’ll keep my fingers crossed that Orphan: First Kill has half the wild left turns that Brahms: The Boy 2 did, which would truly be something.

21st

House of the Dragon (series)
Where: HBO

In what can’t be a coincidence, this Game of Thrones spin off prequel series drops a few short weeks before Amazon’s Lord of the Rings prequel series. It’s the battle of who can make me care less! Seriously, and not to yuck anyone’s yum but I just find it hard to give a damn about a lot of prequel things (see above). If the backstory to Game of Thrones was so interesting that it deserved adaptation, then that’s where the adaptations should have started. Same goes for LotR. Same went for Star Wars, but - like Star Wars - I’m sure this series will be some folks’ jumping on points for getting into GoT, and as such it’ll be someone’s favorite thing for opening the door for them. I’m not saying it’s never a good idea, but rarely.

On top of that, since the San Diego Comic Thing is happening, all the creators for these various films/series are giving interviews and someone attached to HotD dropped a doozy the other day. Apparently this series will be “dialing back” on the sexuality, BUT NOT on the sexual assault, which whomever it was said shouldn’t be shied away from. That’s a fucking disgusting decision and honestly my already somewhat low interest in this project is now fully in the toilet. Obviously “dialing back” doesn’t mean showing none, but even if one of every five instances of sexuality is consensual, that means the other four aren’t. And there’s no puritanical, prudish hand-wringing over that?

Who is this series aimed at? What is the target audience that can mentally and emotionally handle depictions of sexual assault but not of consensual sex? And that’s not even to mention the general swords-and-such violence. Who do they think they’re protecting by only showing the worst aspects of entertainment? Also, as the show goes on, wouldn’t this edict be a constraint upon the writers as well?

Entertainments like this are supposed to be an escape from the problems of the larger world, but when I can see the creators catering to the priggish moralistic pearl-clutching of that world, it stops being an escape and starts feeling like a trap.

It is fully possible that this quote was taken out of context or otherwise manipulated (I was not privy to the actual interview, just selective recounting of talking points) or that it could be walked back by the time this column drops. They might say “We’ve heard your disappointment, and luckily we happened to film a bunch of really hot consensual sex scenes before that decree came down, so we edited them back into the series! Huzzah! Three cheers for consent!”. In that case I might be slightly more interested, but as of now, I’d rather watch a show where people enjoy fucking.

I hope there’s a lot of steamy lovemaking in that Lord of the Rings series. And as long as I’m on my sexual soapbox (sexual sopabox - new band name, called it): There should be more cunnilingus in entertainment. Not explicit, or at least not any more explicit than your average blowjob scene, but: c’mon. Don’t be a killjoy.

31st

Three Thousand Years of Longing (dir. George Miller)
Where: In theaters

Based on the short story The Djinn in the Nightingale’s Eye by A.S. Byatt, this looks w-i-l-d! The story of a lonely woman (Tilda Swinton) who brings a trinket home from a trip to Istanbul and accidentally releases a djinn (Idris Elba - now with elf ears!) who, wouldn’t ya know it, offers her three wishes. But Tilda’s no dummy. She knows how these things tend to go, saying “There’s no story about wishing that isn’t a cautionary tale.”

The majority of the trailer is the two of them in bathrobes in what is presumably her apartment, though hilariously when he is first freed, the djinn is enormous and has to resize down to almost-normal human scale (he still towers over Tilda). There’s a lot of imagery from, if I had to guess, his past? Maybe his djinn origin story (oridjinn story?) or possibly he’s telling her fables? I would assume they were from some wish-related misadventure she goes on but I couldn’t catch Tilda in any of those clips, which are full of mystical, magical imagery. There’s a man hanging upside down at the end of a corridor whose head falls off and becomes a weird spidery critter, there’s a giant bird (a roc I would guess), and some infinite seeming tower? It looks rad!

The combination of what is undoubtedly a love story starring two fantastic actors, directed by the great George Miller (director of your assorted Mads Max) and with the kind of scope and visuals that really appeals to the D&D nerd inside of me, this one is a foregone conclusion. I cannot wait for this!

SPOTLIGHT
Older stuff, but still EOINA friendly material.

August 1st

The Devil Wears Prada (dir. David Frankel)
Where: Hulu

This flick, based on the 2003 novel from Lauren Weisberger about an aspiring fashionista (Anne Hathaway) struggling to Have It All while working for a real beast (Meryl Streep) in NYC has no right to be as crowd-pleasing as it is. I’m not usually interesting in the fashion world, or NYC really, but watching soft-hearted Hathaway have to find the steel inside of her to stand up for herself, as well as watching Meryl chew scenery like the world’s most beautiful termite, not to mention the occasional pitch perfect interjection from Stanley Tucci; it all just works. It’s absorbing, engaging, funny, sweet, and a joy to watch. If you haven’t seen it - check it out. If you have - aren’t you due to rewatch it?

19th

Uncharted (dir. Ruben Fleischer)
Where: Netflix

This adaptation of the quadrilogy of Indiana Jones-esque treasure hunting video games from Nuaghty Dog Studios came out earlier this year and I’ll be honest: I haven’t seen it. I love the games (the three that I’ve played) but think Tom Holland of current Spider-Man fame is not a great casting choice for the lead role of adventurer Nathan Drake. Of course, his casting was more motivated by potential box office numbers and franchisability than character, so: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Regardless, I’m curious to actually see this one, and hope that at least it’ll be big, dumb fun watching Holland pal around with costar Mark Wahlberg, solving ancient puzzles, avoiding a primordial traps, and seeking treasures of yore! Also Antonio Banderas is in it? How bad could that be? Probably kinda bad maybe.

<>

This was a pretty well-packed month, but as I mentioned above: in this weather I’m glad for the wealth of things to keep me entertained that don’t require actively being outside. Thanks for reading, and thanks as always to MovieJawn for hosting and posting. If you’d like some more from me, you can find my various articles on MJ of course, but I also cohost the Hate Watch/Great Watch podcast with my fellow Jawnie and partner Allison Yakulis. This month we’ve got an episode on Close Encounters of the Third Kind (1977) with special guest my mom, Lynette Notte, where we discuss aliens and similar conspiracies. A lot. We’ve also got a special episode that drops on Allison’s birthday! She chose to discuss one of her favorite pictures, the 2016 feature debut from Daniels (of Everything Everywhere All At Once fame) Swiss Army Man, and invited our frequent guest Bryan Bierman on for the chat!

Until next time - Long Live the Movies! 

EVERYTHING OLD IS NEW AGAIN - Vol. 37, March 2022

Everything Old Is New Again

Vol. 37 - March 2022

by “Doc” Hunter Bush, Podcast Czar 

Good morning, afternoon, or evening. Welcome to Everything Old Is New Again, my monthly column covering Remakes, Adaptations, or Long-Gap Sequels coming to screens great and small in the coming month. If it’s based on a book, game, fable, or older TV series or movie - it’s EOINA material and I’ll endeavor to do my level best to find a great cross-section of films & series to talk about. 

Except not this month. It’s been, to put it mildly, a busy month for me personally and I just have not had the time to devote the kind of attention I usually do to sniffing out EOINA fodder while still accomplishing the plethora of average responsibilities I handle, day-to-day. So this will be a relatively slim column, with only three films in the PREMIERES section and the usual EOINA-applicable recommendation in the SPOTLIGHT at the end. Apologies in advance, OR, alternately, you are welcome. 

Here we go:

<> 

PREMIERES - Films or series coming to screens great & small that meet the EOINA requirements 

MARCH 4th 

The Batman (dir. Matt Reeves) 

Where: In theaters 

Y’all know Batman. His parents are dead, he’s vengeance, he’s the night, yadda yadda yadda. Ok, and y’all are aware he began in the comic book format in 1939 and was created by Bob Kane & Bill Finger? Yes? Okay, so that’s all outta the way. Now a thing you maybe aren’t aware of, or maybe don’t think about a whole lot is Batman’s sobriquet of The World’s Greatest Detective. Superheroes get these kinds of titles/nicknames all the time: the Big Blue Boyscout (Superman), Your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man, the Ever-Lovin’ Blue-Eyed Thing (the rocky guy from Fantastic Four), etc. But sometimes they’re so ubiquitous that you don’t really focus on them. 

Zack Snyder, for example, for sure didn’t bother thinking about it when he made the pretty abysmal Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice, because not only does Batman not do any detective work at all, but we are actively shown Wonder Woman doing some. So the movie found a way for detective work to fit into its narrative, just not for the World’s Greatest Detective to be the one doing it. Cool. Well. It SEEMS that this is no longer the case. I mention BvS:DoJ because this current Batman began its conceptual life cycle as a vehicle for Ben Affleck’s version of Batso. Allegedly (I haven’t read any treatments, but if anyone would like to send me one, I have contact info at the bottom of the column) the Batfleck film would have focused more on a detective/noir vibe, and was originally being written by Batfleck himself, with an eye on him directing. Many, many changes later and what we have here with Robert Pattinson’s Batman seems to have maintained at least a passing resemblance to what was allegedly Batfleck’s take. Do I personally feel any need for another Batman relaunch? Nope. Not the tiniest twitch, but if it’s gotta happen (and it seems like studios are aiming to have some of their perennial characters get rebooted with a regularity that would put the tides to shame) then at least I’m glad to see a somewhat different take on the character. 

But. When you say to me “a Batman movie that seems more focused on detective work”, my mind’s eye - drawing on a childhood spent absorbing the unbeatable Batman: the Animated Series after school every day - conjures up Batman, slinking around in alleys, in the rain, taking soil samples, maybe even using an honest-to-goodness magnifying glass and sussing out criminals. Matt Reeves’ The Batman seems to have a lot more stylistic DNA in common with Zodiac than, say, Kiss Me Deadly. This feels like a two steps forward, one step back approach to updating this character as, though you’ve got a somewhat novel, semi-fresh approach to the character, you’re portraying it thru a lens that appeals almost exclusively to the same some of usually-quite-toxic fans. 

No disrespect to David Fincher, or Zodiac, or Matt Reeves, etc., but there is a certain kind of fan that seems to only respond to the perceived edginess of this style, rather than what the style is being applied to. But as is the case with all EOINA columns, I haven’t seen the thing for myself yet and I’ve been hearing some very positive word of mouth from MJ’s own Rosalie Kicks and Ryan Silberstein both of whose opinions I trust, so maybe this movie actually rules. I will definitely check this out eventually, but it is not worth it to me personally to visit a theater in person to see it. 

18th 

Cheaper by the Dozen (dir. Gail Lerner) 

Where Disney+ 

Cheaper by the Dozen, as a concept, is actually inspired by a semi-autobiographical book written in 1948 by Frank Bunker Gilbreth Jr. and Ernestine Gilbreth Carey describing their childhoods growing up in a family of twelve. The original film adaptation starring Clifton Webb and Myrna Loy was released in 1950. In 2003, the film was rebooted with Steve Martin and Bonnie Hunt in the leads. Now, Gabrielle Union and Zach Braff have stepped up to the plate as the parents of 10 rambunctious kids. If I’m being honest, and I am; always, this looks like the usual Disney claptrap with a message about how being different doesn’t mean you’re less-than. That’s a great message, I just wish these kinds of movies looked like they were actively trying to be the best things they could be. With timely jokes about TikTok dances, the Fast & Furious franchise, and RuPaul’s Drag Race, this will definitely appeal to some folks but not me. Since I’d prefer not to end on a negative note, I will say that the kids in the trailer, from what I can tell, look like pretty solid performers. I was particularly impressed with (I believe) ten year old Mykal-Michelle Harris’ ability to deliver dialogue while doing a relatively complex TikTok dance. There are full grown adult actors who can’t perform dialogue and choreography simultaneously this well. 

30th 

Moon Knight (series) 

Where: Disney+ 

Moon Knight has a very complicated history in comic books. Originally created to be the mercenary antagonist of the horror-adjacent title Werewolf by Night in 1975, he was popular enough to repeatedly get retooled. In 1980 he was given his own series, with a backstory stating that he was betrayed by another mercenary and left to die in Egypt. Taking shelter in a temple dedicated to the moon god Khonshu, he dies and is resurrected by the god, and tasked with becoming a protector in order to redeem his life of immoral actions. He returns to the U.S., and uses his mercenary bankroll to adopt multiple secret identities including a billionaire playboy, a taxi driver, and a police consultant, which gave him access to different tiers of criminal activity. In 1985, the series was rebooted and tweaked, giving the character multiple personality disorder (as it was known then) which he developed as a result of maintaining these separate cover identities (it was the ‘80s). In the intervening years, the character has died and returned, and his mental health has come into question repeatedly in some pretty ridiculous ways (for a while, his alternate personalities were his approximations of Spider-Man, Captain America, and Wolverine for example). It’s all very complicated in a distinctly “comic books” way, but as far as I know, more recently the different personalities are supposed to be due to a mental link to Khonshu (now believed to be some otherdimensional entity) and linked to the being’s four distinct personality phases (mirroring the phases of the moon). 

With that business out of the way: the Moon Knight trailer shows Oscar Isaac as Steven, a man so sleep-deprived that he can’t always tell the difference between his waking life and his dreams. He’s also kind of a push-over, being bullied by his boss at his museum job which puts him in just the right place to answer a ringing cell phone where someone calls him Marc. My guess is that “Steven” is a cover identity (unless Marvel/Disney is going with the, as we now call it Dissociative Identity Disorder angle) that has somehow usurped his real identity of Marc and now whomever is on the other end of that phone call is going to activate him. 

There’s some supernatural-looking locations and imagery, such as something that looks like a temple, an animated tattoo of the scales of justice, and a janky CGI mummy-esque being (perhaps Khonshu?). Also Ethan Hawke is there and he appears to be some kind of a religious leader or …perhaps a wizard? 

So far the Disney+ MCU miniseries haven’t slayed me. They’re kind of hit and miss but Moon Knight looks like it could be fun. As always, I kind of hate the choice to use CGI when a cool practical effect would do the job just as well but this is the world we live in. Mayhap one day cool people who value craft will be making the Big Decisions and the Big Studios but for now it seems to mostly be money-nerds who are more focused on quantity over quality. Moon Knight looks fun though. 

SPOTLIGHT - Not always new, but always EOINA-friendly and always recommended 

Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022) (dir. David Blue Garcia) 

Where: Netflix 

Please allow me to make my case for 2022’s The-less Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I covered the impending release of this flick in my last column and wasn’t super hot on it. But. Having thrown it on after a long day at work and watched it while enjoying a batch of homemade chili, I have to say: I had a good time. Let me get right out in front of this and say that I love the original The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (it’s a perfect movie) and I kind of think that none of the sequels are actually very good as sequels to it. 

That doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy them! I fucking LOVE The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2, but it is a wholly different animal from the original and that is what makes it so incredible. On a similar metric, I don’t think TCM 2022 is a great follow-up to tTCsM 1974 but I believe that if you think about it as a really fun slasher that’s heavily inspired by the original, you’ll be able to have a good time. The kills are creative and brutal, and are depicted with a nonchalance that reminded me of John Wick. There’s also some damn fine cinematography which includes some really fresh imagery when viewed against the whole of the TCM franchise. There are sunbleached desert vistas sure, but also those sunflowers that everyone has seen on the poster and across the internet, and there’s a legitimate honest-to-goodness actual chainsaw massacre happening in Texas here! 

There are some really odd choices with regards to some of the characters and/or their backstories, and were I making the flick I would definitely have made different choices, but that’s not the case. Check it out and see what YOU think. 

<> 

Thanks for reading, as always. If you’ve got something you want to chat about, you can find me on twitter, instagram, or letterboxd, or just drop a comment below! 

You can find more film opinions from me all across MovieJawn, but especially the Hate Watch/Great Watch podcast, which I co host with the lovely Allison Yakulis. We’re currently in the midst of Lovin’ with Luhrmann, a miniseries covering the feature films of director Baz Luhrmann that started as a two-parter and has expanded into a complete five-part coverage of his filmography. So on March 9th, check out our episode on Baz’s modern fable Australia (2008) starring Nicole Kidman & Hugh Jackman, followed on the 23rd by his adaptation of F. Scott Fitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby (2013) starring Leonardo DiCaprio, Tobey Maguire, and Carey Mulligan. 

Thanks as well to the MJ crew for all they do and their continued support. 

Until next time - Long Live the Movies!

EVERYTHING OLD IS NEW AGAIN, Vol. 33 - November 2021

Everything Old Is New Again
Vol. 33 - November, 20211

By Hunter Bush, Podcast Czar

It’s always a smidge bittersweet to put Halloween in the rear view each year. A sting that’s traditionally only soothed by the promise of the good food and large, familial gatherings usually highlighted within the back pages of the calendar. These are, as we’ve all become accustomed to saying, unprecedented times however and that might not be any more advisable this year than it was last year. I may be earning a reputation as a doomsayer and a scold, but I’m also proudly one of the ever-dwindling number of people who have not contracted any form or variant of covid *knocks wood*.

I know, I know; you’re not here to get beaten about the head and neck with my opinions on anything OTHER THAN movies, and I respect that. I just wanted to take one more moment to politely request that everyone please continue to behave as though we are still not out of the woods yet because, unfortunately, that IS the case. Be safe, wear a mask, get the vaccine if you haven’t - or a booster if you’re able - and use caution when considering large holiday gatherings.

Okay. There, I’m done. Let’s talk about movies! Here at Everything Old Is New Again, the focus is pre-existing IP (Intellectual Properties) and the movies or TV series based upon them. If it started out as a book, a song, a play, or even an older film or TV project, it’s EOINA material. I watch the available trailers and give my rundown of what I know of the project and the IP it’s based on, before finally describing my personal level of enthusiasm for it.

My hope is that my li’l column might expose you to some upcoming entertainment you weren’t aware of, or allow you to approach it with a slightly more enlightened view of its origins. Then down at the bottom, I’ll have a SPOTLIGHT for some older EOINA appropriate flicks that, though they’re not exactly new, still fully get my recommendation. Let’s get started!


<>


PREMIERS

Flicks and series coming to screens great and small this month


4th

Eternals (dir. Chloé Zhao)
Where: In theaters

Based on a series of Marvel comics that have been around forever but never quite hit the kind of popularity that some of their peers did, my recollection of the Eternals' whole deal is a little spotty. They’re a race not unlike humans except with fantastical super powers. Unlike the Marvel concept of “mutants” who get their powers from genetic mutation, the Eternals exist as the result of tampering from godlike beings from space called Celestials. I think. And iirc, they are known as “Eternals” because at some point they just stop aging and are immortal. These trailers look very pretty actually and the tone struck in them is nice; very grand. Like a Greek epic but with laser eyes and ropey CGI dragon monsters. Oh, the monsters are called Deviants and according to the copious narration here, they’re the reason the Eternals are here: because the Deviants pose a threat to us regular degular humans and those Celestials I mentioned before have charged the Eternals with protecting us. They’re not supposed to interfere with human events unless a Deviant is involved which handily explains why these super powerful, long-lived characters didn’t show up when the big grape-flavored Bruce Willis-looking Thanos showed up and annihilated half the population. Coincidentally however, the energy of all those souls being returned to existence is what has set …some vague threat in motion. A threat the Eternals have seven days to stop. Wow, now that I’m typing this out, these trailers have laid A LOT of road for audiences before we’ve even set foot (hypothetically) in theaters. My guess is that the overall message of the movie - as much as a Marvel movie is capable of having a message beyond “see the next one!” - will be about how we’re all connected. They’ll of course be talking about humans and Eternals, but I have a feeling that message may be applicable to normal humans just as well. It is honestly refreshing to see a Marvel movie with some kind of feeling of life in it - there are shots of Sprite (Lia McHugh) performing some kind of maybe play or magic show (?) and I’ve heard that Kingo (Kumail Nanjiani) will be involved in a dance number (?!). I’d still like more color from these films, but director Chloé Zhao seems to, visually, be making the semi-monotonous palette work in her favor, giving the flick a sun-baked sword-and-sandals epic feel despite not really containing much by way of traditional sword-and-sandals tropes (at least, as far as I can tell). The heroes will still be fighting a lot of janky-looking CG villains and yadda-yadda-yadda; the usual MCU nonsense, but I’m hoping maybe this will feel …different? Still not going to a theater for it though.


7th

Dexter: New Blood (weekly series) (dir. Marcos Siega, others?)
Where: Showtime

Back in 2006 Showtime began a series based on Jeff Lindsay’s 2004 novel ‘ Darkly Dreaming Dexter ‘, about blood spatter analyst by day/vigilante serial killer by night Dexter Morgan (Michael C. Hall) which ended after eight seasons with Dexter riding off on a small boat (maybe a raft?) into a raging storm at sea. This ten-episode miniseries picks up ten years after the events of that night, with Dexter living in Alaska. The trailer gets points for using Iggy Pop’s song ‘ The Passenger ‘ in it because that’s not only a great song but thematically references Dexter’s “dark passenger” (as he calls his urge to kill). Sadly it immediately loses these points by slowing the song down and generally giving it the “chopped and screwed” treatment to make it fit better with the weird musical fetishes of our times. Blerg. So, Dex is dating the town sheriff, a relationship that is great for dramatic irony and also allows him to be up to date on missing persons, giving him potential serial killers to continue to hunt - to satiate his “dark passenger” - and is generally a really good setup for a mini series! Smart stuff! It seems kids have started to go missing and Dex may be hallucinating his sister (Jennifer Carpenter) as a manifestation of his conscience. (SIDEBAR: Did she die in the original series? I don’t recall.) Anyway, the New Blood of the title refers to both Dex breaking his kill-fast but also to his son (Jack Alcott) showing up… in Alaska. My guess is: the kid is having his own “dark passenger” problems and needs daddy’s guidance (which is a nice thematic bookend for Dexter’s own life story, yadda yadda yadda). Also Clancy Brown is in this! So I will DEF be watching …if someone could let me borrow their Showtime login. Pretty please?


11th

Ghostbusters: Afterlife (dir. Jason Reitman)
Where: In theaters

The hotly anticipated sequel to 2016’s Ghostbusters, I find it very interesting that I’m not seeing hide nor hair of any of the original cast (played by Leslie Jones, Melissa McCarthy, Kate McKinnon, and Kristen Wiig - alphabetical by last name). This is actually a pretty smart tactic in my opinion, as I feel too many trailers reveal too much of the film! This could even just be footage taken from a cold open largely unrelated to the main plot! That’s exciting, isn’t it, to not know exactly what you’re going to get? I guess no one in Hollywoo thinks so because this is just one long nostalgia jerkoff session that ends with you wiping goopy Stay Puft residue off of your face. Seriously, “we” (and I use the term loosely) had a problem with women Ghostbusters but not kid Ghostbusters? Where are all the outraged fanboys asking how those kids can drive the Ecto-1 so well? The plot here seems to be that, I guess Egon (Harold Ramis, R.I.P.) moved to the midwest and had kids who had grandkids and now the grandkids have found all of his still-functional Ghostbuster stuff? And the town they live in is essentially a Hellmouth from Buffy the Vampire Slayer with a temple of I’m guessing Gozer the Gozerian (because not only do we get those big gargoyley dog-monsters here in less-impressive CGI than the original practical versionms, but also because why take a chance on inventing a new thing that people might not immediately recognize when you can recycle the old stuff back at them?) in a mineshaft under it. And of course the kids figure it out (with some help from Paul Rudd?) and have to save the day. I get that “everybody” (and I use the term loosely) loved Stranger Things but can we just, please try some new fucking ideas in Hollywoo? This A Pup Named Scooby-Doo version of Ghostbusters is an immediate turn off for me. I’m skipping it and watching the original 3 films instead.



12th

Home Sweet Home Alone (dir. Dan Mazer)
Where: Disney+

In 1990, director Chris Columbus and screenwriter John Hughes conspired on a concept so genius that it sounds silly: what if this home invasion film was a family comedy? It launched the career of Macaulay Culkin (he of Pizza Underground fame) and generally speaking, has more sequels than you remember. Well, throw one more on the pile as we generally rehash the plot of the original. It’s the holidays and everyone is running around like chickens with their heads cut off and in all the confusion and meshugas of packing they forgot to pack one of the kids (Archie Yates as Max)! On top of that, Ellie Kemper and Rob Delaney have decided to break in for some reason (?) so Max has no other option (read: several other options) besides violent bodily harm. And you know what? I’m (largely) fine with it. They make a point of having mom (Aisling Bea) mention that the family had been split onto two flights which is a much better excuse for misplacing a kid than in the original which was …none? My biggest question is that Kemper & Delaney don’t seem to be capital-C “Criminals” so much as “regular people committing a criminal act for some unspecified reason”, which makes it a smidge harder for me to enjoy watching them get injured. Speaking of, the trailer shows almost no harm coming to Kemper, as I guess regardless of circumstances audiences are adverse to watching women get bodily harmed for the sake of comedy, which begs the question: why have a lady burglar at all? But I digress. It’s a little hard to tell from the trailer but the defenses better 1) be violent and 2) look brutal or else, really, what are we even doing here? I’m not champing at the bit for this one, but I won’t be mad if a roommate wants to watch it.


17th

Hit Monkey (series)
Where: Hulu

Another Marvel property, this time one I’m even less familiar with (though to be fair, it’s a lot more recent than Eternals), Hit Monkey is a hitman and a monkey and is apparently being guided by the ghost of a human hitman (Jason Sudekis) in a quest for vengeance! The tone of this falls somewhere between Archer and Venture Bros. for me, which is a good thing, and having a woman (Olivia Munn, I believe) saying things like “He’s one of the good guys” and “He’s going to save us all!” …about a monkey dressed like John Wick is pretty fun. My only issue was that the camera work in the trailer footage was really shaky, I guess going for that gritty handheld feel, but whoo boy was I getting carsick watching it. Maybe it’ll be better coming out of a TV a greater distance across the room from me, or maybe I’ll just end up skipping the whole thing but I’ll definitely be checking it out.


19th

Wheel of Time (series)
Where: Prime

Okay, so my knowledge of this property is pretty nebulous but as far as I know: The Wheel of Time is a high fantasy 14-book magnum opus begun by Robert Jordan and finished, after Jordan’s death, by Brandon Sanderson guided by Jordan’s copious notes. Despite my owning maybe eight of the books, I have read none (I bought them because other authors I like spoke highly of both Jordan and the series specifically). So, “high fantasy” means things like swords, sorcery, elves, and the like. I know the series has at least two of those, so… The footage here looks appropriately grand in scale and there are some very intriguing, unique visuals (the woman rising from the water with paint on it which stains her skin and armor?) that make me personally interested in seeing what it’s all about. I love worldbuilding and I can only presume that a series based on tens of thousands of pages of story will have lots of it, I just hope it’s interesting and handled well. The broad strokes plot seems to be about someone discovering they have a special power (known apparently by many names in different parts of the world) and being one of the many women who wield it to protect that world. Of course some vague “great battle” is coming - there are monstrous looking creatures on horseback, a creeping blackness, and some pale thing in a cloak with a mouth like a lamprey - and these women will have to stop it. The concept of the titular wheel of time is, I guess, that ages and civilizations come and go and, to quote Leonard Nimoy from that Simpson episode “the cosmic ballet goes on”, but there’s a moment in the trailer showing visual repetitions of wheels/circles/rings that I find very interesting. I’ll be checking this out for sure.

Cowboy Bebop (series)
Where: Netflix

Originally broadcast in Japan during the end of the ‘90s, Cowboy Bebop made a new generation of fans thanks to being rebroadcast on Adult Swim in 2001. An animated crime noir in space, the series follows the crew of the spaceship Bebop who, for the most part, are somewhat legal bounty hunters (but also a super hacker and an adorable pup!). Of all the properties this month, CB is what I’m most excited for. The most recent trailer - a.k.a. The Lost Session, which plays like a cold open - showcases the relationship dynamics between the three main characters (Daniella Pineda as Faye, John Cho as Spike, and Mustafa Shakir as Jet) as well as teasing some of Spike’s backstory, and showing off a 4th wall-breaking cinematography that is vivid, colorful, and fun. The original animated CB is fantastic, and honestly unrepeatable, but if the crew is as invested in making something interesting and vibrant as they seem to be, this will be able to stand on its own, which is the most you can ask of an adaptation.


24th

Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City (dir. Johannes Roberts)
Where: In theaters


The Resident Evil franchise began life as the genre-defining “survival horror” game of 1996 (known as Biohazard in its home country, Japan) which spawned at least seven video game sequels, comics, novels, animated series’, and notably a six-film live action film franchise lead by Mila Jovovich. Holy schnikes, y’all! This takes the goddamn cake for absolutely boneheaded music drops! Similar to the way they massacred my boy ‘ The Passenger ‘ in that Dexter trailer, there is a slower and slightly remixed version of, I kid you not, 4 Non Blondes’ ‘ What’s Going On? ‘ in this trailer! Hahaha…what?! I honestly absorbed very little of the trailer after that point. It’s all I can focus on! Like, imagine that meeting:

    Executive: “That trailer needs a song in it. Something recognizable (but edited so as to be different), that’s what the youth demographic is into these days…”
    Creative: “Oh okay, I’ll find something spooky. Something with the right vibe…”
    Executive:  “How about that “What’s Going On?” song from the ‘90s?”
    Creative: “...”
    Executive: “The one in that He-Man video everybody loved (about 2 decades ago)?”
    Creative: “I …don’t think that …will work.”
    Executive: “Well we don’t pay you to think.”
    Creative: “In fact, that is EXACTLY what you pay me for.”
    Executive: “Okay, so we’re in agreement.”
    Creative: “What?”

And then maybe they kiss? That’s what happens in slash fiction, right? Kissing? ANYway: before all my senses fled my consciousness due to the cognitive dissonance of that song pared with that footage, it seemed like the play here was to make a prequel (it’s set in 1998) that, if this doesn’t spawn a franchise, could just as easily take place before the Mila Jovovich set of films, BUT if it DOES make bank and “demand” sequels, could just as easily go it’s own way. The plot seems to largely follow that of the 2nd Resident Evil game (which I believe is the most well-known, but don’t quote me on that) involving Claire Redfield (Kaya Scodelario) arriving in the titular Raccoon City to investigate a contamination event involving the Umbrella megacorporation that has turned much of the populace into (essentially) zombies, as well as unleashing some other creatures, here rendered in absolutely horsecrap-level CGI. I will forget this movie is coming out by the time I finish this article, and will eventually stumble across it on some streaming platform down the road, watch it and think “That was …fine.”

Hawkeye (series)
Where: Disney+

Yet another Marvel property, this time spun directly off of the very financially successful Avengers films. During the five years that half the population of the world had vanished, Hawkeye (Jeremy Renner) created a new persona: Ronin, and did the thing that antiheroes do so they can feel like good guys while indulging in their sociopathic desire for violence: beating up criminals. (This is really a theme this month, hunh? Both Dexter and Hit Monkey are on that same trip). Only now, those particular underworld chickens have come home to roost and Hawkeye has to go on the run to keep his family safe this holiday season. Along the way, he meets Kate (Haylee Steinfeld) who in the comics eventually also goes by the name Hawkeye sometimes. (SIDEBAR: The MCU movies are setting up a whole “Young Avengers” thing since the original Avengers’ contracts are largely up or nearing their end and they need to keep the brand alive. In the comics, the whole Young Avengers thing pops up from time to time to rejuvenate the universe, add fresh characters and entice younger readers so they can become lifers like me. Kids: Don’t do it. Comics are great and all, but you need variety or your brain will turn to pudding and you’ll get mad that there are female Ghostbusters or some shit.) The tone of this series looks decent. Renner has experience playing street-level brawler-type heroes and in general the MCU TV series’ have been a little better about balancing tone even though they usually culminate in disappointing endings since they’re contractually not really allowed to end ever? As for when I’ll watch it: I’ll get to it eventually. I honestly still have to finish Falcon & Winter Soldier, which slowed down for me so I watched Loki instead and that was much more my speed. And I’ve heard that What If…? may actually impact continuity so I guess I’ll be forced to watch that too. Sweet Satan, give me strength!


SPOTLIGHT

Recommended flicks that, though not quite new releases, still meet EOINA criteria

1st


Moneyball (2011) (dir. Bennett Miller)
Where: Hulu

I, and I cannot stress this enough, have no interest in baseball. I live in a city that has won the occasional championship, and when that happens I’m happy for them and for all Philadelphians, but I’m not one to hop on a bandwagon. I also could not care less about statistics; not a stocks guy, not a gambler, nothing like that. Having said all of that, I legit l-o-v-e Moneyball. The performances are across the board fantastic, the direction is top notch, the cinematography (by Wally Pfister!) is (unsurprisingly) gorgeous, etc. Most of all, something about the rhythm of the film (editing by Christopher Tellefsen) is just hypnotic and relaxing, making it a movie I’d gladly sink into for an afternoon. No one is more surprised than myself that I love a movie about baseball statistics this much.


<>


And there you have it. All the news that’s fit to print, as they used to say. Lot of vigilantes. Lot of bad music. Lot of Marvel. I’m so tired.

If you’re not sick of my thoughts and opinions, you can find me on every episode of Hate Watch/Great Watch, which I regularly co host with Allison Yakulis (though she is on leave for the time being and our pal Tina Dillon has been filling in). In November we’ve got episodes coming up on Disney’s Jamaican bobsled Olympics dramedy Cool Runnings (1993) and the answering machine-centric made for TV thriller Lisa (1989). Both great episodes.

Support the MovieJawn Patreon for all sorts of cool stuff, with more coming all the time. Thank you as always for reading! Please drop a comment below or get in touch on social media - you can follow me on twitter, instagram, or letterboxd - about the column (or just to chat about movies). Please enjoy your holidays safely, for your benefit as well as everyone else’s. Talk soon.

Long Live the Movies!



----------------------------------------------------------

This piece was written for MovieJawn, a fabulous site where you can find tons of other excellent movie-centric writings, a shop where you can subscribe to the quarterly physical zine, or listen to me on the  Hate Watch / Great Watch  podcast! Support the MovieJawn Patreon here!

---------------------------------------------------------

"AVENGERS: ENDGAME (2019)"

It's fair to say I was suffering from a spell of Franchise Fatigue leading up to my viewing of Avengers: Endgame but...that may be the perfect headspace to go into it with?

Do you realize it hasn't even been a full year since Avengers: Infinity War came out (or Endgame: Part One if ya nasty) but in that time, two other Marvel movies have hit theaters? Wanna know where Ant-Man was when Thanos blew into town? You've gotta see Ant-Man and the Wasp. And then you've gotta go see Captain Marvel (who was teased in the Infinity War post-credit stinger) so you'll know...who the hell that even is. It's starting to feel like homework.

Tim Alien in CAPTAIN MARVEL

Watching the CAPTAIN MARVEL trailers for the upcoming installment of the column I write when I spotted this familiar-looking blue so-and-so:

It's not just me, right?

"Avengers: Infinity War (2018)"

———————————————————————————————
The following is my original, unedited article written for MovieJawn,
(though honestly they didn't edit much of anything, really).
Plus some more pictures for added pizzazz.
Enjoy!
———————————————————————————————

I've seen Avengers: Infinity War! I've seen it, gang and I was sworn to secrecy about it! For real. I wasn't even supposed to tell anyone that I was going or where or when! I dunno about you, but I'd never had a major entertainment monopoly give me the "this stays between us" agreement. What would happen if I told people? Maybe Hulk would come and crush my favorite DVDs into dust or Scarlet Witch would hex me so french fries would taste like drywall forever? The theoretical horrors are endless... but probably Captain America would just show up (with that beard) and just tell me how disappointed he was in me. And that would hurt worst of all.