EVERYTHING OLD IS NEW AGAIN, Vol. 38 - April 2022

Everything Old is New Again
Vol, 38 - April of 2022

By: “Doc” Hunter Bush, Podcast Czar

Well, you done got me Jared Leto! You fooled me good! Though I’m writing this slightly ahead of time, I’m sure that, come April 1st, we’ll all realize that Morbius was a colossal April Fools Prank perpetrated by the new master of goofs - Jared Leto.

*applauds*

Well done, sir. I should have seen it coming. With the benefit of hindsight, obviously there was no way that Morbius was supposed to be a real movie, but Mr. Leto’s commitment to the bit is unimpeachable. From setting up a fake IMBd page, to sending out bogus screening invitations, to getting a bunch of his Hollywoo pals to appear in the fake trailer; all the details were just right. But by initially setting the release date much earlier, then repeatedly pushing the date back, again and again until finally settling on April 1st (the plan all along) he got me hook, line, and sinker. All I can say is… Bravo!

Welcome fellow fools to Everything Old Is New Again, the column where I review the trailers for upcoming films and series based in some way on a previously existing idea. Maybe it’s a book, a comic, a TV series, an older film, a song, whatever - if there’s something new being made from it, I’ll endeavor to cover it. And yes, occasionally I get fooled by an Andy Kaufman-level performance art prank from Jared Leto.

Down at the bottom of the column, I’ll spotlight something on streaming that isn’t new, but still meets EOINA criteria and tell you a little bit about why. So even if none of the new releases tickle your fancy, there’s one last recommendation for you to check out.

Let’s get started!

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PREMIERES

EOINA relevant films coming to screen of all sizes

APRIL 8th


Sonic the Hedgehog 2 (dir. Jeff Fowler)
Where: in theaters

Back in 1991, the Sega Genesis home gaming system introduced us all to the plucky blue hedgehog who liked to go fast: Sonic. The sequel introduced us to his pal Miles, the fox with 2 tails which he could use to fly like a helicopter, and their co-op gameplay helped you, the gamer, complete Sonic’s main goals: collect rings and chaos gems, defeat the villainous Dr. Robotnik, and of course - go fast. Over time, the games and spin-off animated series’ and comic franchises have elaborated the game to have a huge and weirdly operatic storyline with dozens of characters, none of whom have had the kind of cultural penetrations of Knuckles the echidna, an initially adversarial character who softens into a kind of anti-hero (spoilers?) over time. Taking a cue from its source, Sonic the Hedgehog 2 is introducing both Tails (voiced by Colleen O’Shaughnessey) and Knuckles (voiced by Idris Elba) and bringing Robotnik (Jim Carrey) back from the weird fungi dimension he found himself in at the end of the original with even more and greater powers to torment Sonic (voiced by Ben Schwartz) and his human pal Tom (James Marsden). The plot this time seems more centered on the gems than the rings, but we’re definitely building towards a more game-familiar version of Robotnik as we see him here piloting an enormous mecha-something-or-other to wreak havoc!

Big Sonic fans aside, this might look like a pretty skippable offering, but it has a not-so-secret secret weapon: Jim Carrey. It took me a little while, but when I finally got around to watching the first film, I fell in love with Carrey all over again. As a character, Robotnik is kind of a blank slate. Besides his look and his continual failures to convert all animals into robots, there isn’t a lot to work with, a fact that Carrey uses as a platform to get back to some classic Carrey wackiness. I’m still not personally visiting theaters, but I cannot wait for this to hit VOD.

Ambulance (dir. Michael Bay)
Where: in theaters

Michael Bay - director of films like the excellent Armageddon and recently the increasingly abysmal Transformers franchise - is back, directing an action movie about some people in an ambulance that probably will not transform into a big robot (but I can’t say for sure). Based on a 2005 Danish film from director Laurits Munch-Petersen, Bay’s Ambulance stars Yahya Abdul-Mateen II and Jake Gyllenhaal as Will and Danny Sharp (respectively), brothers who rob a bank. Before you go judging them, Will has a good excuse: he needs the money! Oh, wait. Maybe that’s not a super great excuse. I mean, he doesn’t even say what exactly he needs it for, but he keeps mentioning his wife & daughter so maybe they have gambling debts or something. Anyway, the robbery doesn’t go as planned and the two are forced to flee into an ambulance containing an injured police officer and then go on the run. So they’ve upgraded from armed robbery to kidnapping, BUT on the plus side (for them) the police, lead by Capt. Monroe (Garret Dillahunt), are unwilling to openly fire on them since they’re in the presence of “a brother cop”.

This trailer has a lot of dialogue leading me to believe that they might be examining what exactly makes someone “the bad guys”. Is it the guys committing a non-violent yet still armed robbery, or the guys just itching to open fire on them? Or perhaps the larger financial system? Regardless, I don’t expect much of a deep dive into these themes and concepts, but I do expect explosions, which the trailer has to spare.

My biggest qualm with Ambulance is that for some reason someone in the marketing dept. is obsessed with audiences knowing that it’s set in Los Angeles. In the logo, the L and A in AMBULANCE is highlighted and the trailer features the Bobby Womack version of California Dreamin’, (but instead of just playing the song, it’s still chopped and screwed so as to become much more annoying, as is the style of film trailers at this time). I just don’t get it. Is that a sales tactic? Are Los Angeles set films more likely to draw theatergoers? Wouldn’t we just be able to tell from watching the flick? Cuz if not, that’s a whole other problem, right? But does it matter?

I’m sure this’ll be fun. I’ll catch it streaming.

15th

Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore (dir. David Yates)
Where: in theaters

J.K. Rowling is a hateful stain on popular culture and nobody even seems excited for this twaddle. Just reboot Harry Potter, since that’s what you’re building up to, and get it over with. We live in a franchise mobius strip hell anyway, let’s not belabor the point.

22nd

The Bad Guys (dir. Pierre Perifel)
Where: in theaters

Based on a series of kids graphic novels from Australian author Aaron Blabey, The Bad Guys follows a group of animals (wolf, shark, piranha, snake, and tarantula) usually not thought of in the best light. These anthropomorphic animals (voiced by Sam Rockwell, Craig Robinson, Anthony Ramos, Awkwafina, and Marc Maron respectively) are thieves, burglars, and all around nogoodniks. BUT what if they weren’t? What if people stopped viewing them as “bad guys” and treated them …good? Yes, I know what you’re thinking: it *IS* a very similar thematic through-line to Ambulance, but this one seems more fun.

This animated flick sees the titular group pretending to reform and then, after Wolf (Rockwell) receives genuine praise for good behavior, actually attempting to turn over a collective new leaf. A lot of the gags here are visual, and the animation really sells them but I think we can all agree, Shark’s most famous theft being stealing the Mona Lisa while disguised as the Mona Lisa is a hilarious concept all around. The animation here (from DreamWorks Animation) is really smooth, very pretty and has a great sense of motion. I’d never heard of this, but it looks great!

SPOTLIGHT - Not new, but recommended EOINA material

1st

William Shakespeare’s Romeo + Juliet (1996) (dir. Baz Luhrmann)
Where: HBOmax


On the podcast I cohost - Hate Watch/Great Watch - we’ve been running through the films of Baz Luhrmann (a bit of a change of format for us, but it’s been fun). We started with Romeo + Juliet, and not only did it hold up exceptionally well for me despite my not having seen it in a decade plus, but after discussing it with my cohost Allison Yakulis, I found new things about it worth appreciating. If you haven’t seen this in a long time, or perhaps never, AND if you can handle the whole modern setting/archaic language conceit, I cannot recommend this enough. And after you (re)watch it, listen to our episode HERE!

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Thanks as always for reading. If you find anything above that you’d like to talk about, drop a comment below or reach out on some social media platform - twitter, instagram, letterboxd - or another! Let’s talk movies! Thanks also to the MovieJawn crew of course, for making MJ a great place to read about/hear about/talk about movies!

If you’d like more from me, the aforementioned Hate Watch/Great Watch podcast is a great place to start. Alongside Allison Yakulis, in April we’ll be finishing up our Baz Luhrmann miniseries - Lovin’ with Luhrmann - with an episode on his very first feature Strictly Ballroom (1992) dropping on the 6th! Then, if you’re tired of all the high-falutin talk about love and craft and passion that Lovin’ with Luhrmann brought about, we’re pulling a complete tonal 180 to talk about 1998’s scumbag comedy Dirty Work starring the late great Norm MacDonald and directed by the sadly also late great Bob Saget (both of whom were missing from the Oscars’ In Memoriam presentation btw). That episode drops on the 20th, so blaze it if that’s your thing and then catch the episode via MovieJawn or anywhere YOU get podcasts!

Until next time - Long Live the Movies!

And don’t take any wooden nickels from Jared Leto.

EVERYTHING OLD IS NEW AGAIN - Vol. 37, March 2022

Everything Old Is New Again

Vol. 37 - March 2022

by “Doc” Hunter Bush, Podcast Czar 

Good morning, afternoon, or evening. Welcome to Everything Old Is New Again, my monthly column covering Remakes, Adaptations, or Long-Gap Sequels coming to screens great and small in the coming month. If it’s based on a book, game, fable, or older TV series or movie - it’s EOINA material and I’ll endeavor to do my level best to find a great cross-section of films & series to talk about. 

Except not this month. It’s been, to put it mildly, a busy month for me personally and I just have not had the time to devote the kind of attention I usually do to sniffing out EOINA fodder while still accomplishing the plethora of average responsibilities I handle, day-to-day. So this will be a relatively slim column, with only three films in the PREMIERES section and the usual EOINA-applicable recommendation in the SPOTLIGHT at the end. Apologies in advance, OR, alternately, you are welcome. 

Here we go:

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PREMIERES - Films or series coming to screens great & small that meet the EOINA requirements 

MARCH 4th 

The Batman (dir. Matt Reeves) 

Where: In theaters 

Y’all know Batman. His parents are dead, he’s vengeance, he’s the night, yadda yadda yadda. Ok, and y’all are aware he began in the comic book format in 1939 and was created by Bob Kane & Bill Finger? Yes? Okay, so that’s all outta the way. Now a thing you maybe aren’t aware of, or maybe don’t think about a whole lot is Batman’s sobriquet of The World’s Greatest Detective. Superheroes get these kinds of titles/nicknames all the time: the Big Blue Boyscout (Superman), Your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man, the Ever-Lovin’ Blue-Eyed Thing (the rocky guy from Fantastic Four), etc. But sometimes they’re so ubiquitous that you don’t really focus on them. 

Zack Snyder, for example, for sure didn’t bother thinking about it when he made the pretty abysmal Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice, because not only does Batman not do any detective work at all, but we are actively shown Wonder Woman doing some. So the movie found a way for detective work to fit into its narrative, just not for the World’s Greatest Detective to be the one doing it. Cool. Well. It SEEMS that this is no longer the case. I mention BvS:DoJ because this current Batman began its conceptual life cycle as a vehicle for Ben Affleck’s version of Batso. Allegedly (I haven’t read any treatments, but if anyone would like to send me one, I have contact info at the bottom of the column) the Batfleck film would have focused more on a detective/noir vibe, and was originally being written by Batfleck himself, with an eye on him directing. Many, many changes later and what we have here with Robert Pattinson’s Batman seems to have maintained at least a passing resemblance to what was allegedly Batfleck’s take. Do I personally feel any need for another Batman relaunch? Nope. Not the tiniest twitch, but if it’s gotta happen (and it seems like studios are aiming to have some of their perennial characters get rebooted with a regularity that would put the tides to shame) then at least I’m glad to see a somewhat different take on the character. 

But. When you say to me “a Batman movie that seems more focused on detective work”, my mind’s eye - drawing on a childhood spent absorbing the unbeatable Batman: the Animated Series after school every day - conjures up Batman, slinking around in alleys, in the rain, taking soil samples, maybe even using an honest-to-goodness magnifying glass and sussing out criminals. Matt Reeves’ The Batman seems to have a lot more stylistic DNA in common with Zodiac than, say, Kiss Me Deadly. This feels like a two steps forward, one step back approach to updating this character as, though you’ve got a somewhat novel, semi-fresh approach to the character, you’re portraying it thru a lens that appeals almost exclusively to the same some of usually-quite-toxic fans. 

No disrespect to David Fincher, or Zodiac, or Matt Reeves, etc., but there is a certain kind of fan that seems to only respond to the perceived edginess of this style, rather than what the style is being applied to. But as is the case with all EOINA columns, I haven’t seen the thing for myself yet and I’ve been hearing some very positive word of mouth from MJ’s own Rosalie Kicks and Ryan Silberstein both of whose opinions I trust, so maybe this movie actually rules. I will definitely check this out eventually, but it is not worth it to me personally to visit a theater in person to see it. 

18th 

Cheaper by the Dozen (dir. Gail Lerner) 

Where Disney+ 

Cheaper by the Dozen, as a concept, is actually inspired by a semi-autobiographical book written in 1948 by Frank Bunker Gilbreth Jr. and Ernestine Gilbreth Carey describing their childhoods growing up in a family of twelve. The original film adaptation starring Clifton Webb and Myrna Loy was released in 1950. In 2003, the film was rebooted with Steve Martin and Bonnie Hunt in the leads. Now, Gabrielle Union and Zach Braff have stepped up to the plate as the parents of 10 rambunctious kids. If I’m being honest, and I am; always, this looks like the usual Disney claptrap with a message about how being different doesn’t mean you’re less-than. That’s a great message, I just wish these kinds of movies looked like they were actively trying to be the best things they could be. With timely jokes about TikTok dances, the Fast & Furious franchise, and RuPaul’s Drag Race, this will definitely appeal to some folks but not me. Since I’d prefer not to end on a negative note, I will say that the kids in the trailer, from what I can tell, look like pretty solid performers. I was particularly impressed with (I believe) ten year old Mykal-Michelle Harris’ ability to deliver dialogue while doing a relatively complex TikTok dance. There are full grown adult actors who can’t perform dialogue and choreography simultaneously this well. 

30th 

Moon Knight (series) 

Where: Disney+ 

Moon Knight has a very complicated history in comic books. Originally created to be the mercenary antagonist of the horror-adjacent title Werewolf by Night in 1975, he was popular enough to repeatedly get retooled. In 1980 he was given his own series, with a backstory stating that he was betrayed by another mercenary and left to die in Egypt. Taking shelter in a temple dedicated to the moon god Khonshu, he dies and is resurrected by the god, and tasked with becoming a protector in order to redeem his life of immoral actions. He returns to the U.S., and uses his mercenary bankroll to adopt multiple secret identities including a billionaire playboy, a taxi driver, and a police consultant, which gave him access to different tiers of criminal activity. In 1985, the series was rebooted and tweaked, giving the character multiple personality disorder (as it was known then) which he developed as a result of maintaining these separate cover identities (it was the ‘80s). In the intervening years, the character has died and returned, and his mental health has come into question repeatedly in some pretty ridiculous ways (for a while, his alternate personalities were his approximations of Spider-Man, Captain America, and Wolverine for example). It’s all very complicated in a distinctly “comic books” way, but as far as I know, more recently the different personalities are supposed to be due to a mental link to Khonshu (now believed to be some otherdimensional entity) and linked to the being’s four distinct personality phases (mirroring the phases of the moon). 

With that business out of the way: the Moon Knight trailer shows Oscar Isaac as Steven, a man so sleep-deprived that he can’t always tell the difference between his waking life and his dreams. He’s also kind of a push-over, being bullied by his boss at his museum job which puts him in just the right place to answer a ringing cell phone where someone calls him Marc. My guess is that “Steven” is a cover identity (unless Marvel/Disney is going with the, as we now call it Dissociative Identity Disorder angle) that has somehow usurped his real identity of Marc and now whomever is on the other end of that phone call is going to activate him. 

There’s some supernatural-looking locations and imagery, such as something that looks like a temple, an animated tattoo of the scales of justice, and a janky CGI mummy-esque being (perhaps Khonshu?). Also Ethan Hawke is there and he appears to be some kind of a religious leader or …perhaps a wizard? 

So far the Disney+ MCU miniseries haven’t slayed me. They’re kind of hit and miss but Moon Knight looks like it could be fun. As always, I kind of hate the choice to use CGI when a cool practical effect would do the job just as well but this is the world we live in. Mayhap one day cool people who value craft will be making the Big Decisions and the Big Studios but for now it seems to mostly be money-nerds who are more focused on quantity over quality. Moon Knight looks fun though. 

SPOTLIGHT - Not always new, but always EOINA-friendly and always recommended 

Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022) (dir. David Blue Garcia) 

Where: Netflix 

Please allow me to make my case for 2022’s The-less Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I covered the impending release of this flick in my last column and wasn’t super hot on it. But. Having thrown it on after a long day at work and watched it while enjoying a batch of homemade chili, I have to say: I had a good time. Let me get right out in front of this and say that I love the original The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (it’s a perfect movie) and I kind of think that none of the sequels are actually very good as sequels to it. 

That doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy them! I fucking LOVE The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2, but it is a wholly different animal from the original and that is what makes it so incredible. On a similar metric, I don’t think TCM 2022 is a great follow-up to tTCsM 1974 but I believe that if you think about it as a really fun slasher that’s heavily inspired by the original, you’ll be able to have a good time. The kills are creative and brutal, and are depicted with a nonchalance that reminded me of John Wick. There’s also some damn fine cinematography which includes some really fresh imagery when viewed against the whole of the TCM franchise. There are sunbleached desert vistas sure, but also those sunflowers that everyone has seen on the poster and across the internet, and there’s a legitimate honest-to-goodness actual chainsaw massacre happening in Texas here! 

There are some really odd choices with regards to some of the characters and/or their backstories, and were I making the flick I would definitely have made different choices, but that’s not the case. Check it out and see what YOU think. 

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Thanks for reading, as always. If you’ve got something you want to chat about, you can find me on twitter, instagram, or letterboxd, or just drop a comment below! 

You can find more film opinions from me all across MovieJawn, but especially the Hate Watch/Great Watch podcast, which I co host with the lovely Allison Yakulis. We’re currently in the midst of Lovin’ with Luhrmann, a miniseries covering the feature films of director Baz Luhrmann that started as a two-parter and has expanded into a complete five-part coverage of his filmography. So on March 9th, check out our episode on Baz’s modern fable Australia (2008) starring Nicole Kidman & Hugh Jackman, followed on the 23rd by his adaptation of F. Scott Fitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby (2013) starring Leonardo DiCaprio, Tobey Maguire, and Carey Mulligan. 

Thanks as well to the MJ crew for all they do and their continued support. 

Until next time - Long Live the Movies!

EVERYTHING OLD IS NEW AGAIN 14

Everything Old Is New Again, Vol.14 - March & April 2020

by Hunter Bush


Welcome, welcome, one and all to another installment of Everything Old Is New Again, the column where I talk about upcoming movies that are one of the following: Remakes - movies based on a previous movie; Adaptations - based on some other pre-existing work; or Long-Gap Sequels - a direct continuation from an earlier film, but after an unusual length of time (these are also called Legacy Sequels or sometimes Requels since they're usually intended to gently reboot a franchise without erasing the previous entries).

That all make sense? Good. Cuz that's all you get. I'm trying a slightly different approach to this column, with very little chit-chat up top so we can get right to the trailers I watched and what my overall impression of them is. Then, at the end, I write a little bit more in-depth about this latest crop and etc. So let's get to it, shall we?

NOTE: This is the article as it ran on Moviejawn. Since that time, several of these flicks have been delayed due to the COVID-19 pandemic and the ensuing quarantines. Okay, on to the article!

EVERYTHING OLD IS NEW AGAIN 5

You ever get the feeling you've been working too hard? Overthinking something that should be simple? I've been feeling that way about this column. Not that it, or you reading this, aren't worth the effort, mind you. It's just that I was reminded of a quote by Schumacher (that's E.F., not Joel) who said "Any intelligent fool can make things bigger and more complex. It takes a touch of genius and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction." So that's what I'm doing going forward with Everything Old Is New Again.

EOINA was never, itself overly complex; I watch trailers for the movies coming up that are based on some pre-existing concept and I weigh in on them. When I can, I contrast and compare them with their source materials, which isn't always possible. But instead of doing a bunch of digging to try and decode what's happening in the trailers, now I'll be taking them more at face value. These trailers are what they give us to go on, and while some flicks get multiple trailers to build anticipation, most only get one.

To remind you all: these are all based on some previously existing story; maybe they're a remake of an older or foreign language film, maybe they're adapted from a book or game or song, or maybe they're a soft reboot or relaunch of a franchise that might still be viable? Either way they're here, wringing every last drop of profitability from a concept, and I'm here to talk about them, so here we go:

EVERYTHING OLD IS NEW AGAIN 4

Hoo boy, it's been hot here in Philly. Welcome to Summer, I guess? More like 'Welcome to Pre-Autumn' as I like to think of it. As a kid, summer always meant a break from school, so that was nice, but I was never a big fan of the heat. I love to swim, despite how often I've seen Jaws (or Deep Rising, hahaha...) but that's about it for me, summer-wise.

Even as a kid I preferred the air-conditioned darkness of a movie theater.

So if you're like me, Everything Old is New Again is here to help! Here at EOiNA, I look into the Remakes, Adaptations and Legacy (or Long-Gap) Sequels making it to theaters in the coming months. But, before we get down to business...

If you're a regular reader of EOiNA, firstly I thank you, but also you may have noticed that I occasionally push the boundaries of what exactly falls under my purview. Well I'm about to do that again when I mention how excited I am that Joe Bob Briggs is coming back to ...well not exactly TV, but close-enough for me!

Though Joe Bob had hosted assorted other, similarly-formatted shows, I first discovered him as the host of TNT's MonsterVision, which he hosted from 1996 - 2000. During his tenure, MV was a late-night showcase of cheesy, drive-in style movies that Joe Bob would tell various anecdotes and give trivia about as the bumpers between commercial breaks. Returning to form (minus the commercials), on Friday, July 13th (how perfect) Joe Bob will be hosting a slightly-more-than-24-hour marathon on horror steaming service SHUDDER called The Last Drive-In with Joe Bob Briggs. Some of the titles have been announced, but y'all can look that up for yourselves.

Anyway, here are some movies you may wanna check out if you're gonna be spending some time in a theater this summer. As always, thanks for reading, please share this with your friends and stay cool. I'll see you in September.

EVERYTHING OLD is NEW AGAIN 3

Everything Old is New Again
Vol. 3 - May & June 2018
By: Hunter Bush
For: MovieJawn

Howdy, cinemaniacs! Welcome to Everything Old is New Again (EOiNA to her friends), your bi-monthly update on Hollywood's long-standing love of Adaptations, Remakes and Legacy Sequels. In fact, now that I think about it, the last two movies I watched as of this writing were both adaptations: Wayne's World was inspired by the popular SNL sketch and Full Metal Jacket was based on the book The Short-Timers by Gustav Hasford. See what I mean?

EVERYTHING OLD is NEW AGAIN 2

Everything Old is New Again

Vol. 2 - March & April 2018

By: Hunter Bush

For: MovieJawn

Hello there! Welcome to Everything Old is New Again, Vol. 2: March and April, 2018. If you're new to the column, EOiNA is where I spotlight some upcoming films that are inspired in some way by a previously existing concept, work or franchise; remakes, adaptations or long-gap sequels.

How was your January and February? Did you see that Eagles Super Bowl win? I did (Go Birds!). Did you catch any of the Winter Olympics or snag any deep discount day-after-Valentine's Day candy? More pressingly: Did you see any good movies? And hey, were any of them ones I covered in EOiNA Vol.1: Jan. and Feb. 2018? If you did, I'd love to hear what you thought. Leave a comment below why dontcha?

I saw Them Horse Boyz (I mean 12 Strong) btw, and was pleasantly surprised. Not enough Michael Shannon though.



Alright, who's ready to look ahead a bit? There’s a lot, so let’s jump right in.