EVERYTHING OLD IS NEW AGAIN - Vol. 46

Everything Old Is New Again
Vol. 46 - December, 2022

By “Doc” Hunter Bush, Podcast Czar

Season’s greetings readers! Here we are at the end of another exhausting year, searching for entertainment to accompany us during the long nights. That’s where Everything Old Is New Again comes in. In this column which I’ve been running for 5+ years, I strive to bring to your attention some of the upcoming films & occasional series that meet a specific criteria. If it’s based on a previous concept, be it film, television, book, comic, poem, whatever - it’s EOINA material.

The end of a year makes a man feel reflective, and though I’m not your typical dude, I feel like indulging in that same introspection. The landscape of film has changed during the lifetime of this column. Adaptations, while never exactly rare in the industry, have become the dominant force in cinema. In earlier columns, I shone a spotlight on projects that you might not have known were based on something earlier. Now, the fact that it’s an adaptation is almost a selling point. It’s a strange wave and I’m curious to see how long the ripples from it will last.

Regardless, let’s look ahead into December and see what there is to see. I hope you find something that makes your yuletide merry.

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PREMIERES - New projects built upon the bones of older ideas

December 1st

Willow (series)
Where” Disney+

Okay, so this one is technically cheating as it did actually premier its first episode on Nov. 30th, but in all fairness to me (the guy who calls the shots on this column) the majority of the series will air in December (before finishing in January, 2023), and also - I did not know the release date at the time of the last column. So ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

A long gap sequel to Ron Howard’s 1988 fantasy epic (working from a story by George Lucas), in which an unassuming hero rises to save a kingdom with the help of a ragtag group of adventurers that all have amazing names: Willow Ufgood (Warwick Davis), Madmartigan (Val Kilmer), Sorsha (Joanne Whalley), etc. The evil witch queen they are butting heads with also has a great name: Queen Bavmorda (Jean Marsh) but her right hand general with a cool skull mask is just named Kael (Pat Roach) so, you win some, ya lose some I guess.

Anyway, the 2022 Willow picks up with the daughter of Sorsha on a quest to rescue her twin brother and (one would guess) butt heads with a resurrected Bavmorda (?) Or perhaps a worse, more powerful, more frightening force? The group which features a bunch of way less interestingly-named adventurers: Kit (Ruby Cruz), Dove (Ellie Bamber), Jade (Erin Kellyman), and Graydon (Tony Revolori) need Willow’s help to journey into some unknown out reaches of their world.

I’ll be honest with you - I’m a simp for Willow. I love that movie. Every janky practical effect, every weird, gross monster, every single line. And while I know that things aren’t made the way they once were, this trailer looks more practical effects and costuming heavy than many similar projects, albeit augmented with some CG visuals. And I’m fine with it. If Nu Willow can capture the feel of Willow Classic, I’ll be pleased. I *am* disappointed in the lameness of the names though.

As far as my speculations on what might be in this series, I have no idea! Willow had a novelization and I believe a sequel novel (?) but I’ve never read them, so all I know of the world of Willow I learned from the first movie. There are trolls, brownies, boar-dogs, and tons of magic. The new trailer contains I think all of those things, plus doorways through magical barriers, enormous (CG) birds, and a trio of figures that look like Cenobites at a Ren Faire. Needless to say, I’m excited to see it. Fingers crossed.

9th

Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio (dir. Guillermo del Toro, Mark Gustafson)
Where: Netflix

Based on Carlo Collodi’s Italian children’s novel - first published in 1883! - Pinocchio is the story of the titular wooden boy, his quest to become real, and the (mis)adventures he has along the way. This already had a brief theatrical release (so that Netflix can chase Oscar gold) the ninth is the date it will become available to the millions on Netflix subscribers worldwide.

Guillermo del Toro is a treasure and an active benefit to the craft of filmmaking. When he makes something, I care and I’ve never been let down by him. This interpretation of Pinocchio seems to be focused on, in the words of its cricket narrator (Ewan McGregor), “imperfect fathers and imperfect sons”. There has always been the obvious paternal angle to Pinocchio’s origins, but this seems to be more directly focused on it.

The beautifully stop-motion animated trailer features everything you may expect from a Pinocchio tale, but in slightly different presentations. There’s magical trees, a more monstrous seeming version of the blue fairy, and a sinister traveling circus! How fun!

I’m always all in on Guillermo del Toro, so I’ll for sure be watching this.

16th

Avatar 2: The Way of Water (dir. James Cameron)
Where: in theaters

It’s old hat to say that Jim Cameron’s Avatar (2009) has “no cultural impact”, but that’s because there’s some truth to it. It’s an extremely odd case when the biggest film in the world disappears like a fart in the wind. When was the last time you saw some rando on the street wearing an Avatar t-shirt? What time of year do you host your annual Avatar re-watch? Is it never?

I’m not saying Avatar is bad - I saw it in theaters (walked there in the middle of a snowstorm) and I enjoyed it just fine. But aside from the technological advances, and its place on certain cinematic lists (it DID make money), it’s just not anything anyone thought of after a few months. Until, that is, about a year ago when the rumors of there being MORE Avatars coming were actually really confirmed.

The big criticism of Avatar was that the plot was just a rehash of cliché native-peoples-meet-more-”civilized”-invaders culture clash story moments, most notably from Pocahontas. But, I at least, excused that with the idea that a simple, familiar story wouldn’t clash with all the heavy technological moments Cameron was focused on delivering (the argument that the effects should serve the story and not the other way round having long gone out the window).

So, now that audiences are used to watching almost entirely CG character interactions and action sequences, does Avatar 2: The Way of Water have a more in-depth (no pun intended) storyline? Obviously, it’s hard to say from just a 2-minute trailer, but it certainly doesn’t look like it.

It seems like some of the big blue Na’vi (possibly some of the ones from the first film, or their children or who knows) have fled to the ocean and hooked up with a neighboring group who are associated with an entirely different element. Whereas in the original, there was a notable you-have-to-learn-to-fly-this-big-bird rite of passage scene, this time it’s a tendrilly dolphin thing. Instead of the tribe living in the jungle and riding airborne animals, they live on the beach and ride these aquatic ones. And the entire time, the (human) mercenaries working for a space mining company are en route, which will presumably lead to a huge conflict.

So the different tribes associated with different elements thing feels like the other (*cough*better*cough*) Avatar, the animated one whose title ends with “The Last Airbender”. Which, like, if I was Cameron and whomever else brainstormed these Avatar sequels, I’d have stayed as far away from anything that could be compared to the other (*cough*better*cough*) Avatar. There also seems to maybe be a just-learn-to-breath-water aspect to the rite of passage, which of course reminds me of Cameron’s The Abyss.

I dunno. The concept of “the further adventures of the world of Avatar” holds no interest for me. Neither does the prospect of paying money to watch James Cameron show off the latest advances in CGI capabilities. But those both exist outside of the film itself, those are subtext to the viewing experience. Problem is, these trailers aren’t showing me anything that really piques my interest.

James Cameron was once a pretty goddamn creative, clever, inventive filmmaker (story-wise, and concept-wise) but Avatar never felt like that to me. I went to see the original film despite the lack of that spark for me, trusting entirely on Cameron’s reputation and track record with me personally. And while, as I said, I didn’t dislike the finished product, I also didn’t care to ever see more of it and I wish he’d spent the last ten year working on something else, something new.

21st

Puss in Boots: The Last Wish (dir. Joel Crawford, Januel Mercado)
Where: in theaters

In 2001, the film Shrek - based on the 1990 book by William Steig - dropped. It was successful and in 2004, the sequel introduced the world to this version of Puss in Boots (Antonio Banderas). In 2011 Puss got his own spin-off origin story film and then I believe there were some TV series and/or holiday specials and now the sequel The Last Wish.

As the saying goes, Puss has “lived a life”. But, being a cat and an adventurer, he’s actually lived 8 lives, meaning he’s now down to his last one. For some reason, he’s pointed in the direction of Mama Luna (Da’Vine Joy Randolph) to be a “lab cat”. The trailer doesn’t expressly show her doing any experiments, or explain how she might be able to restore some of Puss’ lives or anything, so…

What the trailer does show is a lot of action: Seems Puss has run afoul of the Goldilocks and the Three Bears crime family (voiced by Florence Pugh, Ray Winstone, Samson Kayo, and Olivia Colman respectively) and they’ve placed a bounty on his head hefty enough that at least a couple of bounty hunters are also gunning for Puss. The action in the trailers is extremely dynamic and showcases a heightened stylization not present in any of the Shrek films (I’ve not seen the previous Puss in Boots-es, so I can’t speak to any of their stylization). It reminds me of Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse in the way it leans on different visual styles, frame rates and exaggerated, comic book visuals.

Is this a bad thing? No. But it doesn’t fit here the way it does with Spider-Verse and feels like it’s only being done to draw people in. It feels like fad-chasing and that always turns me off a little bit. BUT. It works, because the imagery was really interesting. I’m not any kind of real fan of Shrek or his expanded universe, despite having watched all four over Thanksgiving last year (on a bet), but Puss is an obvious stand-out character and Antonio Banderas is a favorite actor of mine, so I’ll definitely watch this eventually I suppose. Possibly on a bet.

30th

White Noise (dir. Noah Baumbach)
Where: Netflix

Don DeLillo’s 1985 novel of the same name is emotionally distant, intellectual and soaked in ennui; a story mostly about its main character’s fear of death. The book is also very clever, a perfectly bleak black comedy that takes aim at the atomic family and the increasing dependence on miracle cures (a concept that was even more novel in 1985). The plot is rambling, but covers a number of strange occurrences, notably an airborne toxic event that releases a chemical black cloud that looms over the family’s home town.

The trailer seems to lean most heavily on this airborne toxic event, without ever revealing what it is. It opens with the family (dad Adam Driver, step mom Greta Gerwig, and an assortment of step siblings played by Raffey Cassidy, Sam Nivola, and May Nivola) sitting in their car, using the passengers in the other cars as litmus tests for how frightened they should feel, before quick cutting to an assortment of other locations and moments that feel appropriate for the semi-disjointed events of the novel.

DeLillo’s novel is a favorite of my partner, who introduced me to it, so I’m sure we’ll watch it once it’s available.

SPOTLIGHT - Not new but EOINA material

December 1st

The Secret of N.I.M.H. (1982) (dir. Don Bluth)
Where: Tubi

Tubi is the greatest truly free streaming option anymore and I recommend it to anyone who’ll listen. I was looking for an appropriately holiday-themed film to recommend for this end-of-year EOINA, but what really jumped out at me was Don Bluth’s 1982 adaptation of Robert O’Brien’s 1971 novel Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH. While not directly a holiday movie, the change of seasons is a prominent plot driver, and Christmas lights are heavily featured in the rats’ lair. BUT. What made this a perfect bookend for the column is that it reminds me of Willow quite a bit. Not thematically, but in execution. The Secret of NIMH and Willow both have a darkness and seriousness in them that is part of what I really responded to as a kid. They both scratch that specific itch for me.

The Secret of NIMH follows the aforementioned Mrs. Frisby (called Brisby in the film, presumably so that no one would confuse the animated film about rats with a plastic flying disc toy) as she enlists the help of the rats of NIMH to help safely move her and her family, including one very sick child, before the farmer can endanger their home by plowing the field. There’s also an entire Shakespearian power struggle happening within the rats’ organization, with sword fighting, magic, and a tragic, science-based back story.

I love this film and I hope you’ll enjoy it too, if you choose to check it out.

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As we wind down the year, I hope you get to spend it with some folks who make your life better. Could be in person, could be by phone, or a group chat. Organize a watch-along for one of the films listed above (or any damn picture you want) and be a positive force for change in your life, the lives of others, and the world. It’s shockingly easy. Just be there. Be here.

If you’d like to check out the podcast I cohost, it’s called Hate Watch/Great Watch and we have two holiday-themed episodes dropping this month. On the 14th I’m talking about Die Hard (1988) with my regular cohost Allison Yakulis, and right in that liminal space between Christmas and New Years, on the 28th, another as-yet-undecided title which I’ll discuss with guest cohost Tina Dillon.

Thank you as always for reading, and thanks to MovieJawn for hosting and posting. Please consider liking, recommending, and sharing any MJ articles you happen to like (including this one) on any and all social media platforms. And if you’re able, maybe you’d like to support the MJ Patreon for as little as $3 per month.

Have a happy holiday, stay safe, and we’ll see each other in the new year! Until next time - Long Live the Movies!

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This piece was written for MovieJawn, a fabulous site where you can find tons of other excellent movie-centric writings, a shop where you can subscribe to the quarterly physical zine, or listen to me on the  Hate Watch/Great Watch  podcast! Support the MovieJawn Patreon here!

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EVERYTHING OLD IS NEW AGAIN - Vol. 45

Everything Old Is New Again
Volume 45 - November 2022

By “Doc” Hunter Bush, Podcast Czar

The Phillies are going to the World Series! I’m not a sports guy, typically, but I will always support when my city is doing well. I don’t pretend to be a lifelong fan, either; proudly bandwagonesque, but I’m happy for us. I do typically associate November with sports as well as scarves, hand-turkeys, and pumpkin pie. But this column isn’t about that. I just wanted to note a specific moment in time.

This is Everything Old Is New Again, my column on upcoming film and series releases that are based on pre-existing intellectual properties. Welcome! Put your feet up and make yourself comfortable while we look at what’s coming. I started this column when adaptations, remakes, and long-gap sequels - essentially recycling stuff audiences are familiar with instead of taking chances - was on an upswing.

Hollywood has always adapted other stories, and that’s fine, but things used to be different all over. Less algorithmic; less designed specifically to seek success from some “market”. Things were adapted because maybe they would hook audiences in general, as opposed to only please certain segments of them.

Over the course of its life, I’ve tried to use EOINA for two purposes: to bitch about the movies that I personally feel exhausted and annoyed by - because everyone deserves to let off a little steam - and to point folks towards flicks that might have less public awareness but are still within the column’s parameters. I hope that I help you find something to get excited about! Let’s get started!

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PREMIERES - New films or series based on older works

November 4th

My Policeman (dir. Michael Grandage)
Where: in theaters

Based on a 2012 novel by Bethan Roberts, My Policeman is the story of a love triangle in England in the 1950s. Tom (Harry Styles) the titular policeman, is gay and in keeping with societal norms of the era, is married to Marion (Emma Corrin) while secretly being in love with Patrick (David Dawson). The trailer - which is awash in one of my most loathed trends in film trailers of the current century: slow breathy pop covers (*) - shows Marion catching Tom & Patrick and has some fisticuffs and a shot of someone (presumably Tom) tossing a cop’s uniform on a bonfire, so I’m guessing Marion outs him and he has to end his policing career. The tail of the trailer shows the three characters aged up (played by Linus Roache, Gina McKee, and Rupert Everett respectively) and perhaps having some sort of closure-seeking conversation between them.

The IMDb has the characters credited in an interesting fashion: Styles, Corrin, and Dawson are credited as “Young (Whomever)” and Roache, McKee, and Everett as just “(Whomever)”, which leads me to believe that the elder versions will act as a framing device, with their shared youth coming in flashback. Perhaps there will be a sort of Rashomon-like difference of opinion, or some revelations betwixt the unwilling triangle? That could be interesting. I’m sure this is fine, and I am told that Harry Styles is a very engaging performer but it seems like you’d spend the whole run time waiting for an end you know is coming (and will be bittersweet at best).

(*) This one uses Cat Power’s cover of “Sea of Love”, which you may have heard previously in Juno, and is a fine song, but just: please not. No more. I am so tired of down-tempo breathy pop covers.

11th

Wakanda Forever (dir. Ryan Coogler)
Where: in theaters

The sequel to 2018’s Black Panther, based upon the Marvel comics character and more and more just a cog in a monoculture machine that is the Mouse House / MCU, this flick has some big shoes to fill. Black Panther was easily one of the best of the MCU films from all angles. The characters, POV, performances, messaging, and even the manner in which it changed things for the MCU; all were excellently handled. Sadly, Chadwick Boseman passed away in 2020, leaving this flick in an unenviable position, which director Ryan Coogler and co. have chosen to just address head on.

In the world of Wakanda Forever, T’Challa (Boseman’s character and the original Black Panther as far as on-screen representations) has likewise passed away, leaving his frenemy-turned-ally M’Baku (Winston Duke) to fill the position for the time being while T’Challa’s family mourns. Unfortunately, they are attacked by Namor (Tenoch Huerta), the leader of a rival army. In the comics, Namor is the king of Atlantis (yes, that Atlantis), while the film seems to be differentiating it and naming their kingdom Tlālōcān (an Aztec concept similar to a Heaven, but (I think) not the only afterlife paradise the Aztec people believed in). They might still throw out some line about how Namor’s people are the basis for the myths of Atlantis, but that’s nowhere in here.

I’m not really sure what Namor wants, but it seems like he floods Wakanda (the Black Panther’s home) and starts a war. I’m guessing there will be a “real” villain that Namor will team up with the Wakandans to battle, and I’m guessing a lot of this conflict will be based around Vibranium, the fictional strongest metal in the MCU that is a powerful resource for numerous reasons with as many military and scientific applications.

This is going to be a passing-the-torch movie with T’Challa’s sister Shuri (Letitia Wright) inheriting the Black Panther mantel and suit, as well as a team-up movie because we have to front load all the Marvel movies/shows with characters who will appear in other Marvel movies/shows or else (gasp! shock! horror!) the perpetual motion money machine could stop! So Shuri is going to team up with a young inventor from Chicago named Riri Williams (Dominique Thorne) who will become the Iron Man-esque, mechanical super-suited heroine Ironheart.

DISCLAIMER: I’ve lost interest in the vast majority of the Marvel shows, so if Ironheart has already made her appearance in one of those, I am unaware of it.

This looks overstuffed to me. Too many brand new characters, too much story, too much silly comics stuff all being thrown at us at once. On the other hand, as I said above, Coogler & co. made one of the best single Marvel movies yet, so I am cautiously hopeful. I also enjoy the reworking (as far as I can tell) of Namor’s backstory and people, and the casting of Huerta. I’ll be seeing this one just as soon as it streams into my home.

14th

Teletubbies (series)
Where: Netflix

Yup. Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the cultural zeitgeist, those four …things living in their aggressively pleasant native world where they are observed by a burning infant in the sky are BACK! Created in 1997 by Anne Wood and Andrew Davenport for the BBC (who were seeking programming aimed at preschoolers) the Teletubbies are fascinatingly (and terrifyingly) strange.

If you’re unfamiliar, they’re four creatures of varying heights. Each is a different color and has a different shaped antenna on its head, which presumably connects to the television screens in their stomachs. They live in a seemingly endless plain of rolling green hills, in a habitat that looks like a Hobbit hole designed by Ikea, all overseen by a sun that has a baby’s face in it. They take video-calls (via their stomach televisions) from children and children-adjacent individuals who talk about educational things and serve as field trips for the seemingly captive ‘tubbies.

My theory is that they are aliens - or possibly extra-terrestrial beings, I’m open to that as a possibility - who have been captured and are being tranquilized and observed by the government or possibly some organization not unlike the SCP Foundation. The overly pleasant environment, the sun-with-a-baby’s-face, they’re all meant to keep the ‘tubbies at ease. Perhaps they are, as they seem, young and are being indoctrinated to have a better understanding of humanity, possibly as a means of convincing them that we are worth saving/protecting/not actively destroying. Perhaps even one instance of negativity, fear, or violence would see them transform into eldritch, unstoppable avatars of our ultimate destruction. Who’s to say?

Well, this version is narrated by Tituss Burgess, so if anybody would be the one to warn us that the Teletubbies have gone rogue, or are achieving their final form, it would be him. I will not be watching this for entertainment, but I might get really really high and refine my theories.

15th

R.I.P.D. 2: Rise of the Damned (dir. Paul Leyden)
Where: physical media / digital rental

2013’s R.I.P.D. (Rest In Peace Department) starred Ryan Reynolds and Jeff Bridges as Nick and Roy. Much like in Men in Black, Nick was the new recruit, a Boston cop killed in the line of duty and recruited to help police the afterlife, bringing rogue souls to justice alongside Roy, the veteran old west sheriff who’s been on the job a long time. It was based on a comic book from 1999 by Peter M. Lenkov which I’ve never read and I never saw the movie but from what I know it wasn’t well-received.

So it’s getting a prequel! And the Roy character portrayed by Jeff Bridges will be played by Jeffrey Donovan! The plot seems to be that either this is the first time any souls have escaped, or that it’s the largest jailbreak so-to-speak and they’re recruiting Roicephus “Roy” Pulsipher to help!

I dunno. I like Donovan, but I have no interest in DTV prequel really. Having said that, if/when I ever see this sitting there on a streaming service I already have access to, I’d probably throw it on.

16th

The Santa Clauses (miniseries)
Where: Disney+

The 1994 family comedy saw Scott Calvin (Tim Allen) accidentally murder Santa Claus and thus, replace him. What this says about the tyrannical dictatorship of Santa Claus is interesting to ponder, but this isn’t about that. Two sequels, in 2002 and 2006 followed, vaguely expanding on the mythology of the world created. Now, in 2022, comes this apparently 6-episode miniseries.

The trailer is sparse. Calvin calls a meeting of his elves and announces “For the good of Christmas and for the good of my family I am retiring”. The majority of the rest of the trailer is Peyton Manning goobering his way thru an audition to be the next Santa Claus. David Krumholtz briefly appears, reprising his role from the first 2 Santa Clause films, but that’s about it.

Which leaves me to wonder… What happened to make Santa abandon his life’s purpose? The trailer tells me nothing, so allow me to guess: Santa is arrested in the Kalamazoo airport with a pound and a half of cocaine and, to avoid a lengthy prison sentence, decides to rat out a dozen other drug dealers he knows. But he didn’t do it because he’s AFRAID of going to prison, of course not! He’s Santa Claus and he’s a tough, macho dude! The last beacon of traditional masculinity in a world increasingly caving to “wokeness” (which I think must also have been invented for the film series, because it’s certainly not real). The last Santa standing, you could say.

No, he did it for the children. If Santa was to go to prison, Christmas would have to be canceled. And if there’s one thing Santa will not stand for, it’s Christmas cancel culture. So he’s choosing to retire before the scandal gets out, tarnishing the good name of Christmas. Also presumably the various drug dealers would be sending magical hitmen to the North Pole to break his kneecaps and pour boiling hot cocoa down his throat, so he’s gotta beat feet before that happens.

Again, these are just guesses. Anyway, I would have zero interest in an instant more of anything starring warrior against wokeness/coke rat Tim Allen, let alone a six episode miniseries? Fuck outta here.

24th

Disenchanted (dir. Adam Shankman)
Where: Disney+

The 2007 film Enchanted seemed like a very promising direction for the Disney empire. A self-aware, wry look at the fairy tale archetypes popularized by Disney themselves (itself?) the film took the clichés from those films - wicked stepmother, true love’s kiss to break spells, etc. - and turned them on their head. It even briefly brought hand-drawn animation back to the Mouse House before pulling a reverse Pagemaster (*) and transposing the formerly animated characters into the real physical world.

(*) The Reverse Pagemaster is also a sex act I once heard described by Sir Alec Guinness.

As you might expect, Enchanted ended in a “happily ever after” with fairy tale princess Giselle (Amy Adams) and new York lawyer Robert (Patrick Dempsey) falling in love and living together to raise Morgan, Robert’s daughter from a previous marriage. What Disenchanted asks is: “But what if the real world was dogshit?” So now Giselle, Robert and Morgan (Gabriella Baldacchino) have to move to Monroeville (which is in NJ, but doesn’t look like NJ in this trailer, just sayin’) into a “fixer-upper” home.

A visit from Edward (James Marsden) and Nancy (Idina Menzel) - coming from the fairy tale world - inspires Giselle to use a magic wand to wish her problems away, which backfires and something something something wicked witch problems.

I’ve never seen the first one, but I’ve heard a lot of good things and I could easily be talked into a double feature presuming they’re both available on Disney+ because I like the concept and I like the cast, which for Disenchanted also features Maya Rudolph, Yvette Nicole Brown, Oscar Nuñez, and Griffin Newman (as the voice of a chipmunk).


25th

The Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special (Dir. James Gunn)
Where: Disney+

This holiday-themed featurette (clocking in at “around 40 minutes”, similar to last month’s Werewolf By Night) finds the cast of the Guardians movies (Pom Klementieff, Dave Buatista, Karen Gillan, Sean Gunn, and the voices of Bradley Cooper and Vin Diesel) traveling to Earth to kidnap Kevin Bacon as a present for the depressed Starlord (Chris Pratt). That’s pretty much all the trailer gives away aside from the fact that Kevin Bacon will actually appear!

Writer/director James Gunn has made the Guardians of the Galaxy a stand-out in the MCU, injecting some much-needed oddness into the increasingly more cookie-cutter landscape, and giving him a Holiday Special in which to play seems like a no-brainer. In general, I’m in favor of these MCU Holiday Specials, as they potentially allow for a little extra world-building without eating into the storylines of the main films (which is my single biggest problem with the recent “phases”).

I’ll definitely be checking this out, but I might wait until closer to Christmas proper, or at least a snowy night.

SPOTLIGHT - Not brand new, but available via streaming and definitely still worth looking up

November 1st

Adaptation. (2002) (dir. Spike Jonze)
Where: Hulu

The mother of all literary adaptations, Adaptation. is written by Charlie Kaufman, and is technically based on the book “The Orchid Thief” by Susan Orlean, though in actuality it is more based on Kaufman’s failure to actually write an adaptation of Orlean’s book while struggling with writer’s block. The film stars Nicolas Cage as (hold on to your hats if you don’t know) Charlie Kaufman, a screenwriter attempting to adapt the book “The Orchid Thief” by Susan Orlean but struggling with writer’s block. Cage also portrays Charlie’s twin brother Donald who, while crashing with Charlie, decides to become a screenwriter as well and quickly finds tremendous success. If you can believe it, things spiral from there.

Adaptation. is very much a product of its time, and our cultural fascination with the concept of “meta” but don’t let that stop you. “Meta” as a concept hasn’t gone anywhere, it’s just no longer the novelty it once was. But on top of that the film is full of great character actors and a pair of performances that once again made the general public stop and take note: “Hey, that Nic Cage guy really is some kinda actor”.

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That’s a wrap on EOINA for this November. I hope you all had a fun and safe Halloween. It seems like most people have mentally put COVID far in their rearview but I still implore you to be safe when/if you’re gathering for the holidays.

That aside, I as always thank you for reading and thank MovieJawn for hosting & posting. If you’d like more from me, the Hate Watch/Great Watch podcast - which I cohost with Allison Yakulis - is dropping three episodes. On the 2nd you can hear us talk about Dirty Dancing (1987) with frequent guest Tina Dillon, then on the 16th we have a guest-free episode on seasonally appropriate tear-jerker Sweet November (2001), and we close the month with Bryan Bierman, another frequent guest, to discuss the children-playing-detectives oddity Hawk Jones (1986)! Allison and I will also be rolling out articles on some of the films we saw at this year’s Philadelphia Unnamed Film Festival, so keep your eyes out for those!

Until next time - Long Live the Movies!

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This piece was written for MovieJawn, a fabulous site where you can find tons of other excellent movie-centric writings, a shop where you can subscribe to the quarterly physical zine, or listen to me on the  Hate Watch/Great Watch  podcast! Support the MovieJawn Patreon here!
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EVERYTHING OLD IS NEW AGAIN - Vol. 44

Everything Old is New Again
Volume 44 - October, 2022

By “Doc” Hunter Bush, Podcast Czar

Whew! We did it! We made it another year! No, sorry, not to the end of the calendar, but to the best time of year. There’s a chill in the air, I’ve had to switch to a full on slippers-and-robe ensemble when lounging around the house, and I have to bring my herb garden inside at night. That’s right - it’s finally actually autumn, and the Spooky Season has come once again! Maybe you want a peek at some of the movies & TV coming in October? Maybe you specifically want to know about projects based on previously existing stories, movies or other intellectual properties?

If that’s the case you have, and I cannot stress this enough, come to the right place. This is Everything Old is New Again, a monthly column devoted to exactly that. Herein I will watch the available trailers, and let you know what I think. Am I excited? Is this remake, adaptation, or long gap sequel based on something I’m familiar with? I will let you know. My hope is that I help you find your way to something you’re excited to see.

In addition to that, down at the bottom I’ve included a SPOTLIGHT section highlighting another EOINA-friendly film or series that’s not brand new, but maybe one that went under your radar. I hope you enjoy, now let’s get spooky!

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PREMIERES - Brand new to screens large and small

October 2nd

An Interview with the Vampire (series)
Where: AMC

Based on Anne Rice’s 1976 debut novel that set the literary world (not to mention millions of loins the world over) on fire. I attempted to read one of Rice’s vampire novels once but it quickly became obvious that whichever one I’d picked was not a particularly good jumping-on point and I abandoned it, but various of my respected big reader friends have largely positive, if somewhat complicated feelings on this particular area of Rice’s career.

From what I know, this series adapting Interview more accurately captures the innate horniness and queerness of early Rice. Having only recently watched the 1994 film adaptation of Interview all the way through in a single sitting (having previously caught snippets here and there over the years) I can say - it’s not like that one ISN’T horny or ISN’T queer, it’s just the 1994 major theatrical release version of those things; mostly longing and yearning. But it’s 2022 now and I’m ready to embrace the horniness! Embrace the queerness! Embrace the …hunger!

The trailer doesn’t really give too much away plot wise, in the present day, a journalist (Eric Bogosian!) interviews Louis (Jacob Anderson - Grey Worm from Game of Thrones!), a man claiming to be a vampire, who spins a lengthy tale of the aforementioned hunger(s), beginning at the tail end of the 18th century in New Orleans when he encounters Lestat (Sam Reid). Both of these characters appear in numerous books across Rice’s Vampire Chronicles, a series of dozens of titles published over 40+ years, so there’s almost no end to where this series could go.

The production design looks good, the tone feels right and I for one am extremely on board.

4th

Hellraiser (dir.David Bruckner)
Where: Hulu

Finally. The Hellraiser film franchise - beginning in 1987, with some soft reboots attempted here and there up through 2018 - has largely been spinning its wheels. In all iterations of Hellraiser, someone encounters a puzzle box, solves it and encounters the Cenobites: otherworldly beings that describe themselves as travelers and collectors of experience; “Angels to some, demons to others”. Having done a (nearly) complete series rewatch a few years ago, one thing that becomes readily apparent is that almost no one, aside from original director and author of the source material Clive Barker could conceive of the Cenobites as anything other than your garden variety demons. But what made them so impactful originally is that they are much stranger than that.

The team bringing the 2022 Hellraiser to us knows about strangeness. Director David Brucker, along with writers Ben Collins and Luke Piotrowski most recently delivered 2020’s The Night House, a film about loss and grief with a supernatural angle that feels unlike many other haunted house style films in recent years. I won’t spoil it but their conception of- and approach to the supernatural in the film is truly unique and unsettling.

Right off the bat in this trailer, they’re dodging expectations. A young man named Joey (Brandon Flynn) is invited by Mr. Voight, who is potentially an art collector (?) (Goran Visnjic) to approach the puzzle box, sitting on a display pedestal. As the camera moves up, we realize that it is not in its usual Rubik’s-Cube-from-Hell configuration, but a different orientation not unlike an angular hourglass. “If I solve it, do I get a prize?” Joey asks, to which Voight replies “I do.” As you’d expect, Joey solves the box and then is presumably killed because he doesn’t seem to be the main character and we’re introduced to Riley (Odessa A’zion) who, counter to Joey’s apparent ignorance, seems to know what the box is and might intentionally be looking for it? Obviously the trailer is playing things close to the vest, so these are guesses, but that’s the nature of the beast.

A big part of Hellraiser lore is their hub world - an endless labyrinth overseen by a geometric entity called Leviathan that is somehow connected to the Cenobites’ whole deal. It originally didn’t make an appearance until Hellbound: Hellraiser II (1988), as a greater expansion on the eldritch nature of these beings, before (as I said above) largely being ignored because I guess nobody knew how to work with that level of weirdness (?). But I’m thrilled to say it makes an appearance here, with one of the Cenobites (presumably Pinhead played by Jamie Clayton) saying “Feed it. Their blood. Their pain. All for us.”. A sacrifice, perhaps? But to what end?

Let’s talk about Pinhead briefly. This is, honestly, the part of this column I’ve been looking forward to for about 2 months. And no, I don’t care that Pinhead is now being portrayed by a woman. Who could possibly care? That’s a dumb thing to argue about, not to mention that the character upon which Pinhead is based is described as if not actually genderless then at least of an unconfirmable gender due to the …Cenobite-ness of their clothing and adornment. Moving on: What I *actually* want to talk about is that I think the writers may be leaning into having a brand new take on Pinhead and that is just so fucking exciting to me! If you’re going to remake something, make it new! Have fun with it! Make it interesting!

This new Pinhead’s design in general and the pins specifically, seem much more fashionable and fashion designer-y than the 1980’s fetish bar Goth aesthetic of the original (not that there’s anything wrong with that). I’m wondering if, instead of some kind of disillusioned soldier-turned-Cenobite backstory, they may be laying groundwork for a completely new origin based in some way around fashion? Perhaps a designer or tailor of some kind? The pins seem to have little pearls on their heads, which remind me of tailor’s pins and the overall design is much more elegant. So yes, that’s my big theory on this Pinhead. I hope I’m right - for the clout - but I won’t be particularly bummed to be wrong. I’m just happy there’s a new, interesting and exciting looking take on Hellraiser. They have such sights to show us and I can’t wait to see them!

8th

Bring It On: Cheer or Die (dir. Karen Lam)
Where: SyFy

This will be the 7th film in the Bring It On franchise, which began in 2000 with the original rival-cheerleading-troupes-competing-for-the-something-something romcom starring Kirsten Dunst & Gabrielle Union (among others). But. Now. They’re really swinging for the fences and making a slasher movie!

I know!

How fun is that? Now, does it look especially interesting? Not really, but to be fair the trailer spends most of its time hammering home “Yes, this is the same franchise. We’re just taking it for a walk.” which - again - I LOVE. So you’ve got a bunch of teenage cheerleaders and cheerleader-adjacent folks trying to avoid getting stabbed by the team mascot (the Diablos, btw - so a fun devil costume) and yadda yadda yadda.

Just a few years ago, a similar esoteric horror approach to a familiar property dropped: The Banana Splits Movie (2019) directed by Danishka Esterhazy. It could have been nothing; a blip, an oddity quickly forgotten. But it was actually quite well-done and in 2021 Esterhazy brought a similar approach (if not quite as off-kilter) to the remake of Slumber Party Massacre! Similarly, with Cheer or Die, it will all come down to the execution. If this were coming to a theater (especially in our current societal situation) I wouldn’t seek this out, but since it will just appear on the SyFy Channel (home of the Chucky series, see next entry), I surely will. Can’t wait!

10th

Chucky (series) Season 2
Where: SyFy

The first season of SyFy’s Chucky series, from character co-originator Don Mancini, was fantastic. It did TV of this stripe exactly the way you want it to be done: excellent stunt casting; fun, likeable (or hateable) characters; lots of creative scares and kills; and solid production values. Additionally it added to the franchise and the world of the titular serial-killer-in-a-doll’s-body in meaningful ways. Most importantly, it references the character’s past without feeling heavily beholden to it.

After the events of the first season, we find the series main kid characters Jake, Devon, and Lexy (Zackary Arthur, Bjorgvin Arnarson, and Alyvia Alyn Lind respectively) sent up river to a religious juvenile rehabilitation center, Incarnate Lord, to pray away the cray so to speak. Of course they’re not safe from Chucky there and we get to see the Chuckster (voiced by Brad Dourif) choking a priest out with a rosary!

This season also folds in references to the further corners of the Chucky lore map and seems to have a major side plot following Jennifer Tilly (who if you don’t know, is playing a semi-fictional version of herself because Chucky is a beautifully chaotic franchise) and her relationship with Chuck.

I’m super excited for this. I had an absolute b-l-a-s-t with the first season and, miracle of miracles, they’ve decided to bring back Devon Sawa in a completely new role despite him having been killed off (twice) in season one! You have to love the commitment to unconventional genre filmmaking.

14th

Halloween Ends (dir. David Gordon Green)
Where: in theaters

The final film in the current Halloween trilogy (begun in 2018, long gap sequels to the 1978 original), this looks ostensibly decent. I was cautiously optimistic for the 2018 entry, and left the theater completely entertained, but last year’s Halloween Kills was a shitshow that started off strong but devolved into goofy wheel spinning that felt directionless and was genuinely boring to watch.

If you’re unfamiliar with the plot of Halloween (1978): as a child, Michael Myers killed his sister. He was then institutionalized for many years before escaping and attempting to kill his other sister, Laurie (Jamie Lee Curtis). Yadda yadda yadda, he was then institutionalized again until 2018 when he escaped and attempted to kill Laurie and her daughter and granddaughter. She lured him into a trap and burned her home down around him. Halloween Kills followed immediately afterwards with the entire town slowly slipping into mass hysteria and hilariously chanting “Evil dies tonight!” over and over. Having killed Laurie’s daughter (Judy Greer) Michael manages to evade capture in the end.

And also if you’re unfamiliar with Halloween (1978): SEE HALLOWEEN (1978)! IT IS QUITE GOOD! 

Anyway, apparently four years have passed since the end of Kills, and it seems like Michael Myers has been living in the sewers? Ok. There’s a hilarious (to me) moment where Myers menaces somebody who wandered into the wrong viaduct or whatever, and Michael pulls his kitchen knife just out of the raw earth of the surrounding tunnel? Like, that’s just where he keeps it? So weird.

I’m definitely seeing this, but almost begrudgingly. I am genuinely curious if the trailer’s implication that Laurie thinks she must die to truly kill Michael will be seen through to its obvious conclusion.

20th

V/H/S/99 (dirs. Flying Lotus, Maggie Levin, Tyler MacIntyre, Johannes Roberts, Joseph Winter, Vanessa Winter)
Where: Shudder

The V/H/S anthology series is always going to be a bit of a mixed bag. Anthologies always are. Even in whatever your favorite anthology film is, I’m sure you have favorite segments or ones that took you longer to warm up to. The initial V/H/S (2012) featured a wraparound segment of criminals breaking into a location to steal a specific video tape only to find the house filled with them.

The trailer available currently is just a teaser, so it’s hard to figure out what footage might go together, or what the framing device might be, but there’s definitely something like a seance, someone offscreen being decapitated with a shovel, a nude human(oid) in the desert, someone with a spider crawling on their face, a guy about to have a big green needle shoved into his head, and some kind of audience for a show called Ozzy’s Dungeon.

I overall really enjoyed the original V/H/S but honestly haven’t kept up with the series as much as I’d like. Maybe I’ll marathon them all as we get near Halloween. Anybody wanna join?

21st

Black Adam (dir. Jaume Collet-Serra)
Where: in theaters

Anymore, these big tentpole comic book movies feel like those “food dare” style videos. The era of introducing a central character through storytelling and reasonable conflict are l-o-n-g gone. Now it’s all a triple-decker taco pizza with bacon cheeseburgers for the crust! To wit: this is the introduction to Black Adam, which seems to span over 5000 years from ancient Egypt to modern day wherever in the DCU world. On top of that we’re introducing a version of the Justice Society (a comparable organization to the Justice League), with this incarnation featuring Dr. Fate (Pierce Brosnan) - DC’s Doctor Strange, Atom Smasher (Noah Centineo) - kind of DC’s Ant-Man, Hawkman (Aldis Hodge) - a space cop believe it or not, and Cyclone (Quintessa Swindell) - she has wind powers.

That’s a lot of brand new characters, but we’re not done. There are also a ton of super solder-looking guys in the trailer that I think are supposed to be Intergang foot soldiers (Intergang are a crime syndicate with alien weapons and technology) AND the demonic Sabbac, who will definitely be the “real” villain that allows the antihero Black Adam and the purely heroic Justice Society to find a common enemy.

My big question after watching all three of these trailers is: Where’s Shazam? In the comics, Black Adam’s origin is as an early chosen bearer of the Shazam powers who used them for revenge due to his tragic backstory and became a despotic ruler of his fictional home country. Part of the voice over said something about Adam’s son sacrificing himself, but I don’t remember that from anything I have ever read (Adam had a nephew, with whom he shared his powers, so Adam killed him to become more powerful). To be fair though, Black Adam was created in 1945 (by Otto Binder and C.C. Beck) so I could easily have missed something in his 80+ year existence.

Anyway, much like the triple-decker taco pizza with the bacon cheeseburger crust, this movie (and this overall more-is-more instant franchise approach) leaves me uninterested, disappointed and a little queasy just looking at it.

SPOTLIGHT - Not new, but if you haven’t seen it, it’s new to you!

October 20th

Annabelle: Creation (2017) (dir. Davd F. Sandberg)
Where: Hulu

Annabelle is a spooky haunted doll who originated in The Conjuring films (I mean, she’s actually based on a real spooky haunted doll but I digress) and Creation - as you might expect - tells her origin story. The story itself isn’t any great or original stuff, but the details and the ways in which all the scares are doled out really worked for me. There’s a genuinely frightening scarecrow (a fave monster subgenre of mine), numerous ghostly activities, and even one sequence that echoes one of the best scenes in Jaws. I loved it and the finale actually got me really excited to see the implied next installment (which as it turns out, I had actually missed when it came out in 2014 whomp-whomp ¯\_(ツ)_/¯). I cannot recommend Creation enough, but with the caveat that you are likely to be let down by both 2014’s Annabelle and 2019’s Annabelle Comes Home.

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So there you have it. Some of it at least. I’d like to give an additional recommendation for the Shudder Ghoul Log (a jackolantern version of the Christmas seasonal Yule Log you may be more familiar with), which is a perfect accompaniment to costume construction, treat baking, decorating, or even just giving your spooky playlist a test-listen.

Thank you for reading! I hope you may have found something you’re excited to watch this month, and if you have please let me know! Thanks to MovieJawn for hosting and posting! If you’d like to listen to my podcast - the Hate Watch/Great Watch podcast - which I cohost with Allison Yakulis, we have two spooky season appropriate episodes this month. On the 5th we’re joined by guest Nicole “Bottle” Carter to discuss Bong Joon-ho’s 2006 eco-horror kaiju movie The Host, and then on the 19th we dive into the legacy of 1989’s under-seen Phantom of the Opera adaptation starring genre mainstay Jill Schoelen and Freddy Krueger himself Robert Englund! This episode ties directly into my article in the Fall 2022 MovieJawn Zine, so make sure to order one or subscribe!

Have a safe and happy spooky holiday and until next time, Long Live the Movies!

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This piece was written for MovieJawn, a fabulous site where you can find tons of other excellent movie-centric writings, a shop where you can subscribe to the quarterly physical zine, or listen to me on the  Hate Watch/Great Watch  podcast! Support the MovieJawn Patreon here!
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EVERYTHING OLD IS NEW AGAIN - Vol. 43

EVERYTHING OLD IS NEW AGAIN
Volume 43 - September 2022

By “Doc” Hunter Bush, MovieJawn Podcast Czar

Y’all I have the end-of-summer blues worse than I have since I was in grade school. I just feel like this summer went by so quickly and I’m not ready for the decent weather to end. That’s probably due to it being swelteringly hot for a chunk of it, combined with me just returning from a genuine vacation (much needed) and just wishing I was still gone.

We (that being myself, my partner & podcast co host Allison, and our friends and fellow MovieJawnies Ben & Rosalie spent a long weekend at the Mahoning Drive-In in Lehighton PA for their annual Universal Monster Mash, where they show a bunch of the Universal monster films over a weekend on 35mm. We stayed nearby in a nice little cabin with a hot tub. Overall, a very calming experience. I mean, there was some kind of monster that tried to break in one night, but it didn’t try very hard. There was also a weird, hairy owl, but I digress.

I’m back now, and as ready as I’ll ever be to write an installment of Everything Old is New Again for September 2022. This column covers movies & tv series debuting in a given month that are based on some previous intellectual property; an older movie/series, a book, a song, etc. I find ‘em, I watch the trailers, and I give a breakdown of what I know of the property, and what I think of the trailer. Then, down at the bottom in the SPOTLIGHT section, I’ll recommend some older movies coming to streaming services this month that count as EOINA material.

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PREMIERES - Brand new entertainments for your viewing or avoiding pleasure.

September 2nd

Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power (series)
Where: Prime

Last month I went off on a bit of a tirade about prequels. They kind of annoy me, but I understand (and have witnessed) how clever filmmakers can use the constraints of the prequel to have fun with a property. My biggest problem is the, I guess nearly irresistible urge to drop elbow-nudge references to the things we know are coming. Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power seems to mostly be devoid of that tendency. Sure, some of the characters in this will have been heard of or seen before but as long as we avoid gags like “I think I’ll name the baby… Legolas”, I’ll probably enjoy this.

As far as I can tell, Galadriel (Morfydd Clark) is our main character and that’s totally fine. She’s not directly involved with the Fellowship of the Ring beyond aiding them in the midst of their quest a few times. She’s a side character to their narratives whom we can infer is powerful and well-respected. Now we get to find out how she became that way by seeing her story and the changing of the landscape around her - the rise of Sauron and etc. - at the same time, a similar approach as Star Wars: Andor (see below). I think this is a smart tactic to choose.

Aside from that, the show seems to have everything you could want from a LotR series: diverse peoples, sword-and-sorcery action, scary monsters, fanciful locations; the whole shebang. I’ll probably check this out, if only to stick it to (direct competitor) Game of Thrones: House of the Dragon.

A quick tangent: How (HOW?) is the preferred hashtag to share on social media for that show #HotD? AND HOW (HOW.) has no one but me decided to run with this? What is happening? We used to be a proper country. Please, every Sunday, join me in telling HBO how you can’t get enough #HotD and wish you didn’t have to wait so long between getting more #HotD.

8th

Pinocchio (dir. Robert Zemekis)
Where: Disney+

Based on the Italian children’s character created in 1883, but clearly a rehash of Disney’s 1940 animated film, this looks - in a word - bad. This phase of Disney’s output really lacks soul. Just kicking the IP can down the road to maintain copyright is, I guess, a necessary evil (?) but the way they promote these things really sucks. This, like Beauty & the Beast, Aladdin, The Lion King, and etc. before it, is being marketed as “live action” despite being mostly CGI from what I can tell. Would I watch an actual live action Pinocchio? Hell yes! Perform Pinnochio with an actual puppet, and make Jiminy Cricket, Honest John, and etc. Muppets, do a practical effects version of Monstro the whale! The mind reels at the potential beauty and craftsmanship, especially with the money of the Mouse House behind it!!

But this is Robert Zemeckis, lately director of things like that The Witches remake no one saw, and notably for this project: The Polar Express. Like Polar Express, this costars Tom Hanks (as Geppetto) who seems to be the only wholly live character of any import in the trailer. The blue fairy (Cynthia Erivo) is probably “live” from the eyebrows to the chin with a motion capture performance augmented by CGI magic fairy dust - but that’s all just a guess. Even if I am wrong however, that would make this movie maybe, tops, 20% “live action”.

It’s the thing that makes my brain check out of the finales of every big spectacle MCU film (and similar): no matter how much I can intellectually appreciate the work that went into creating this scene out of disparate green screen elements and tons of code, it’s hard to completely dispel the unreality of it, which makes it just as hard to emotionally connect to what’s happening. Conversely, if this version of Pinocchio was a live Hanks in a half animated world à la Who Framed Roger Rabbit, I’d be here for it because actual animation isn’t trying to fit seamlessly into our reality, it creates its own. There’s just something that feels like manipulation in calling a movie “live action” for containing 1 fully human performance amidst dozens of CGI characters. Which turns me off to the whole thing.

9th

American Gigolo (series)
Where: Showtime

This actually looks decent, and seems like a better fit for expansion into a series than I’d initially thought about it. In the 1980 American Gigolo (dir. Paul Schrader), Richard Gere’s high-end male prostitute Julian is being framed for a murder and briefly goes to jail before being rescued by a married woman who sacrifices her reputation and marriage to a senator to give him an alibi. In 2022’s American Gigolo series, Jon Bernthal’s version of Julian has been in jail for 15 years. Supposedly this version of Michelle (Gretchen Mol) did not alibi him out, and it’s implied her senator husband (Leland Orser) is behind framing Julian in retaliation for the relationship with Michelle.

It seems like the series will be about Julian trying to stay alive and out of jail until he can prove he was framed, and rekindle his relationship with Michelle. The cast is a solid mix of character actors that these kinds of series allow to really shine, which is always a plus - in addition to Bernthal, Mol, and Orser, I spotted Rosie O’Donnell and Wayne Brady in the trailers. I like a good noir or neo-noir, and as a fan of casual male nudity in film (just to balance the scales) here’s hoping that Bernthal does full frontal like Gere did in the original.

13th

Clerks III (dir. Kevin Smith)
Where: in theaters

I have nothing but good will for Kevin Smith. As a child of the ‘90s, his films were an entry point that showed me I could potentially make movies! And he’s made a couple really good movies over the years, but if I’m being honest (and it feels almost mean to say this because the dude is so genuinely nice and positive) he hasn’t made anything that I’ve enjoyed since Red State. I was interested in Tusk because it had such an unusual creation but the film was ultimately disappointing.

Now, Smith goes back to his oldest well, again, and takes the aphorism “write what you know” to new lows. Clerks (1994) is the story of two cashiers working their day jobs. Dante (Brian O’Halloran) has relationship troubles, and Randal (Jeff Anderson) is just a shit-stirrer. They have some pals, some regular customers, some misadventures and they talk a lot about pop culture. Cool. In 2006’s Clerks II, Smith revisited these characters to find that Dante still had relationship woes - though he eventually settled down with manager Becky (Rosario Dawson) - and Randal was still a shit-stirrer. Also a donkey show happens.

Which brings us to now. After Randal suffers a near-fatal heart attack (the impetus for which being the one Smith survived in 2018, I imagine) he gets a wild hair up his ass to make something of himself and write and direct a movie. What movie? Well, it looks like it’s basically Clerks.

Almost out of obligation, I sat through 2019’s Jay and Silent Bob Reboot which was just an exhausting experience. In that film, which is entirely about film culture being devoid of creativity and endlessly recycling content like a human centipedal ouroboros, which he acknowledges is boring and lazy unless he does it, which we’re supposed to find cute. This feels like that, and as much good will as I have for these characters and actors, I just cannot be bothered to watch him slouch his way through another production. I continue to hope he will find some story inside himself which he feels is worth telling without cloaking itself in several layers of protective irony, but as time goes on and each successive project slumps across the finish line into the public eye, that prospect seems less and less likely.

16th

Confess, Fletch (dir.Greg Mottola)
Where: in theaters/Pay VOD

Heads up: this will get a wider streaming release via Showtime on Oct. 28

I’ve seen Fletch (1985) once or twice and I enjoyed it just fine. Your mileage may vary depending on your tolerance for Chevy Chase’s particular brand of humor, but my read on Fletch as a character was that he was basically that one kid in your class (or maybe it was you) who was probably a bit too smart for the room and acted out because they were bored and not being appropriately challenged (because this country has been in the midst of an educational crisis since before any of us were born). He’s very clever, finds your average person and any run-of-the-mill interactions with them boring, so he makes his own fun. He also had a penchant for disguises.

Jon Hamm has inherited the role of Fletch now (a good call I feel - he has amazing comedic timing and is handsome enough by a huge margin to get away with a lot of shit you or I could never), but the trailer doesn’t really give me a good idea of Fletch as a character. Moments shine through that feel like what I think of as Fletch, but (and this may just be a trailer thing) a lot of gags seem to lean on Fletch being dumb, which just ain’t it.

The plot is appropriately convoluted for a comedic noir: an heiress approaches Fletch about solving the theft of a piece of artwork from her family’s home. He turns her down and she turns up dead, with Fletch being the prime suspect. Shenanigans obviously ensue. There weren’t really any stand-out moments from the trailer necessarily, but I’m willing to err on the side of the humor not translating super well to out-of-context nuggets.

Comedy is hard, especially this kind, but I think I’ll check this out eventually.

Goodnight Mommy (dir.Matt Sobel)
Where: Prime

This remake of a 2014 German film from Veronika Franz and Severin Fiala looks pretty damn cool. Two young brothers go to visit with their mother (Naomi Watts) but arrive a little early, and find her recovering from plastic surgery, with her face still fully bandaged. They begin to suspect she isn’t their mother, but how can they be sure?

This trailer is so menacing! Watts lays down the rules for the kids: No running or shouting in the house, and both her bedroom and the barn are off limits. Suspicious. There’s a gnarly toe skin peeling scene, and some stray audio of Watts shouting for them to repeat “You are my mother!” after her, and generally things seem not great. Also something will be set on fire. Maybe the barn?

I’ll be finding out asap.

Pearl (dir. Ti West)
Where: in theaters

Not a long gap sequel, but rather the shortest gap, this prequel (another one!) to Ti West’s X was filmed concurrently with that film which was only released in March of this year! Wild. When the trailer for X dropped, I was unimpressed. It looked like The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, but if the van full of kids were all making an amateur porno. I hoped that Ti West, a filmmaker I quite like, would have something else in store that the trailers weren’t properly communicating.

Kinda not, turns out. While I liked X just fine, it lacked something for me. It just felt like pretty standard horror fare: kids visit a farm, run afoul of the landowners, and get murdered. Whatever that missing thing was, I think Pearl has it. Everything about Pearl appealed to me: the Sound of Music/Wizard of Oz vibe (the color saturation, costuming, locations, etc.), the daylight horror of it all, and most importantly Pearl as a character.

Pearl (Mia Goth) just wants to be a star, to escape the confines of her “normal” life, caring for aging and unwell family members. To that end she’ll do anything to get those goals within reach, including bumping the fam off and slaughtering (seems like) quite a lot of livestock. Now, I’m a bit squeamish when it comes to violence against animals, but as I mentioned: I quite like Ti West and trust him as a director so I’m willing to see what’s up.

There’s an odd moment in the trailer where the image of a roast being set on a table is mirrored. I wonder if this is some kind of stylistic quirk of West’s, or is explained in the film itself, OR if this was done in the trailer to hide some aspect of the shot? I find this very interesting. Could be nothing, could be a clue.

Mia Goth gave a great dual performance in X as both a wannabe porn starlet and the aged Pearl, and I’m very interested in the narrative that she and West were just so inspired by their ideas for the character that they HAD to make Pearl ASAP. I’ll check it out, but I’m already more interested than I expected to be.

21st

Andor (series)
Where: Disney+

In 2016 the mouse house entertainment juggernaut released the first of a proposed Star Wars release strategy: with entries in the main storyline scheduled to drop every other year, they felt there was an opportunity to release other ancillary stories in the off years to maintain financial momentum and interest. To that end, Rogue One was released, the story of the courageous and doomed rebels who acquired the plans that lead to the destruction of the original Death Star in 1977’s first Star Wars.

One of these doomed characters was Cassian Andor (Diego Luna) a smuggler who through the pure likeability of Luna as a person managed to feel like anything but the obvious Han Solo surrogate he was written as. I’m honestly happy that Luna will get to play in the Star Wars sandbox again but since he was, as I mentioned, doomed, Andor (the show) is a prequel.

It looks like Andor (the character) was from a more primitive planet, before a ship crashed presumably drawing intergalactic attention. The show will presumably follow his path from average guy to freedom fighter by contrasting his story with that of a young Mon Mothma (Genevieve O’Reilly) who will eventually become the leader of the rebel alliance by the time of Star Wars (1977). This actually makes the concept of it being a prequel work better for me because it’s *potentially* not just the same beating a dead horse logic following one character, but rather, using them to tell stories about a specific time in the Empire’s reign.

Rogue One worked very well for me as a movie for a few reasons (aside from Diego Luna and the rest of the cast) not the least of which was that there were no force users, it was a purely espionage heist story, and had a by-default fatalistic ending. It just felt different enough from all the other Star Warses, while still obviously being one. The trailer for Andor seems to also be leaning more heavily on civil unrest, political cloak-and-dagger shenanigans, and boots-on-the-ground characters, which is way more interesting to me from a storytelling point of view.

27th

The Munsters (dir. Rob Zombie)
Where: in theaters

I don’t get it, y’all. You tell me that The Munsters are going to be getting rebooted in 2022 for some reason and that the director will be Rob Zombie. Ok. First thing that happens is I see everyone worrying that Rob will Zombify The Munsters. I too shared this concern: Would the Munsters live down the street from an abusive white trash drunkard, his foul-mouthed stripper wife and promiscuous step-daughter? Would The Munsters themselves be Hellbillies? Nobody wants that.

Then, the trailer drops and we all see what looks like the Batman 1966 version of The Munsters: color, goofy costumes, corny gags! The thing was practically begging for a canned laugh track! And everybody is just as- if not somehow more- dismissive of it. I. Don’t. Get. It. What do you people want?

The Munsters is a particular kind of corny inherently. It’s a sitcom monster family living a sitcom life. In comparison to The Addams Family, who are themselves sinister, The Munsters are completely earnest and benign. So what do you want noted musician and horror movie director Robert Zombarelli (not his real name) to do with this set-up that would make you happy?

I actually think it looks cute. The plot centers on Lily (Sheri Moon Zombie) meeting, dating, falling in love with, and marrying Herman (Jeff Daniel Phillips), which her father the Count (Daniel Roebuck) objects to. This will be spooky and corny and cute. And what’s wrong with that?

30th

Hocus Pocus 2 (dir. Ann Fletcher)
Where: Disney+

Have I seen the original Hocus Pocus (1993)? You betcha. Can I tell you really anything about it? …Not so much. I know a young girl in Salem Mass. awakens three witch sisters (Bette Midler, Kathy Najimy, and Sarah Jessica Parker respectively) and there’s a dead boy from the witch trials (right?) and a cat. But plot-wise I just cannot remember a damn thing. To that end, this looks like the same exact movie.

The young girl is now sixteen, but other than that ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Part of that is due to only a teaser trailer being available, which gives away almost nothing (though there is a neat black flame visual effect). I dunno. I was never super hot on Hocus Pocus, but now, as I actively try to recall the film and cannot, I wonder if I should give it another go? For (unrecalled) old times sake? I guess that’ll help me make up my mind whether to watch this one or not.

My Best Friend’s Exorcism (dir. Damon Thomas)
Where: Prime

Grady Hendrix (author of the novel this is based on) writes great, poppy, scary, funn, inviting horror. People online like to talk about what makes good “gateway horror” - something you could show to someone who is maybe on the younger or potentially more delicate side who is actively interested in getting into horror movies - and, having never seen this nor having read the book (though I have read others from Hendrix) I’m willing to bet My Best Friend’s Exorcism is great gateway horror.

Set in the ‘80s, on the eve of a small group of friends going their separate ways post-high school, they trespass in a spooky cabin with a spooky backstory (“One last adventure?”) and Gretchen (Amiah Miller) gets possessed, leaving Abby (Elsie Fisher) to save her and her soul. There’s some good creepy imagery (spooky animate eyeball in the haunted cabin), some classic possession shtick (demon tongue, fire breath, vomit) and some comedy (after being vomited on: “Hey! This is a Lacoste!”) so I think this will appeal to many, many people preparing for the Spookiest Month.

SPOTLIGHT - Not new, but recommended EOINA-friendly fare.

Sep. 1st

10 Things I Hate About You (dir. Gil Junger) (1999)
Where: Hulu

We covered this one on the Hate Watch/Great Watch podcast back about a year ago and even though I had fond memories of it, I was pleasantly surprised how well it held up (you can listen to the episode HERE, if you’d like). An adaptation of William Shakespeare’s The Taming of the Shrew but set in a late-1990s California high school, the characters are all well-defined and fun, the performances are great - the standouts being Larry Miller and Heath Ledger - and the soundtrack is bop after bop. Silly, fun, and with just the right amount of high school melodrama, it’s a perfect flick for back-to-school season

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There you have it. I hope I’ve brought your attention to something you might’ve otherwise missed. I’ve been seeing a lot of people lamenting that they didn’t know George Miller’s 3000 Years of Longing was coming to theaters. These people obviously don’t read my column; I not only mentioned it, but gave it a positive write-up (I still have yet to see it), so if you *did* see something you find interesting, why not mention it on social media? Raise awareness for projects that might otherwise fly under most folks’ radars?

And hey, as long as you’re on the socials, why not share this column? Maybe recommend it (and MovieJawn in general) to anybody you can? It helps us all out tremendously to get more eyes on the site. And as long as I’m asking for stuff, mayhap you’d like to listen to some episodes of Hate Watch/Great Watch. This month we’ve got episodes on the board game-whodunnit comedy Clue (1985) with many-time guest Krystal Brackett and her boo, first-time guest Sean Brady, and a guestless episode on Austin Powers (wait for it) in: Goldmember (2002) which I had never seen before.

Thank you for reading, thanks for sharing/commenting/etc. if you do, and thanks as always to MJ for hosting and posting. Consider supporting the MovieJawn Patreon if you’re able. You’ll be rewarded handsomely.

Until next time - Long Live the Movies!

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This piece was written for MovieJawn, a fabulous site where you can find tons of other excellent movie-centric writings, a shop where you can subscribe to the quarterly physical zine, or listen to me on the  Hate Watch / Great Watch  podcast! Support the MovieJawn Patreon here!
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