Everything Old Is New Again
Volume 45 - November 2022
By “Doc” Hunter Bush, Podcast Czar
The Phillies are going to the World Series! I’m not a sports guy, typically, but I will always support when my city is doing well. I don’t pretend to be a lifelong fan, either; proudly bandwagonesque, but I’m happy for us. I do typically associate November with sports as well as scarves, hand-turkeys, and pumpkin pie. But this column isn’t about that. I just wanted to note a specific moment in time.
This is Everything Old Is New Again, my column on upcoming film and series releases that are based on pre-existing intellectual properties. Welcome! Put your feet up and make yourself comfortable while we look at what’s coming. I started this column when adaptations, remakes, and long-gap sequels - essentially recycling stuff audiences are familiar with instead of taking chances - was on an upswing.
Hollywood has always adapted other stories, and that’s fine, but things used to be different all over. Less algorithmic; less designed specifically to seek success from some “market”. Things were adapted because maybe they would hook audiences in general, as opposed to only please certain segments of them.
Over the course of its life, I’ve tried to use EOINA for two purposes: to bitch about the movies that I personally feel exhausted and annoyed by - because everyone deserves to let off a little steam - and to point folks towards flicks that might have less public awareness but are still within the column’s parameters. I hope that I help you find something to get excited about! Let’s get started!
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PREMIERES - New films or series based on older works
November 4th
My Policeman (dir. Michael Grandage)
Where: in theaters
Based on a 2012 novel by Bethan Roberts, My Policeman is the story of a love triangle in England in the 1950s. Tom (Harry Styles) the titular policeman, is gay and in keeping with societal norms of the era, is married to Marion (Emma Corrin) while secretly being in love with Patrick (David Dawson). The trailer - which is awash in one of my most loathed trends in film trailers of the current century: slow breathy pop covers (*) - shows Marion catching Tom & Patrick and has some fisticuffs and a shot of someone (presumably Tom) tossing a cop’s uniform on a bonfire, so I’m guessing Marion outs him and he has to end his policing career. The tail of the trailer shows the three characters aged up (played by Linus Roache, Gina McKee, and Rupert Everett respectively) and perhaps having some sort of closure-seeking conversation between them.
The IMDb has the characters credited in an interesting fashion: Styles, Corrin, and Dawson are credited as “Young (Whomever)” and Roache, McKee, and Everett as just “(Whomever)”, which leads me to believe that the elder versions will act as a framing device, with their shared youth coming in flashback. Perhaps there will be a sort of Rashomon-like difference of opinion, or some revelations betwixt the unwilling triangle? That could be interesting. I’m sure this is fine, and I am told that Harry Styles is a very engaging performer but it seems like you’d spend the whole run time waiting for an end you know is coming (and will be bittersweet at best).
(*) This one uses Cat Power’s cover of “Sea of Love”, which you may have heard previously in Juno, and is a fine song, but just: please not. No more. I am so tired of down-tempo breathy pop covers.
11th
Wakanda Forever (dir. Ryan Coogler)
Where: in theaters
The sequel to 2018’s Black Panther, based upon the Marvel comics character and more and more just a cog in a monoculture machine that is the Mouse House / MCU, this flick has some big shoes to fill. Black Panther was easily one of the best of the MCU films from all angles. The characters, POV, performances, messaging, and even the manner in which it changed things for the MCU; all were excellently handled. Sadly, Chadwick Boseman passed away in 2020, leaving this flick in an unenviable position, which director Ryan Coogler and co. have chosen to just address head on.
In the world of Wakanda Forever, T’Challa (Boseman’s character and the original Black Panther as far as on-screen representations) has likewise passed away, leaving his frenemy-turned-ally M’Baku (Winston Duke) to fill the position for the time being while T’Challa’s family mourns. Unfortunately, they are attacked by Namor (Tenoch Huerta), the leader of a rival army. In the comics, Namor is the king of Atlantis (yes, that Atlantis), while the film seems to be differentiating it and naming their kingdom Tlālōcān (an Aztec concept similar to a Heaven, but (I think) not the only afterlife paradise the Aztec people believed in). They might still throw out some line about how Namor’s people are the basis for the myths of Atlantis, but that’s nowhere in here.
I’m not really sure what Namor wants, but it seems like he floods Wakanda (the Black Panther’s home) and starts a war. I’m guessing there will be a “real” villain that Namor will team up with the Wakandans to battle, and I’m guessing a lot of this conflict will be based around Vibranium, the fictional strongest metal in the MCU that is a powerful resource for numerous reasons with as many military and scientific applications.
This is going to be a passing-the-torch movie with T’Challa’s sister Shuri (Letitia Wright) inheriting the Black Panther mantel and suit, as well as a team-up movie because we have to front load all the Marvel movies/shows with characters who will appear in other Marvel movies/shows or else (gasp! shock! horror!) the perpetual motion money machine could stop! So Shuri is going to team up with a young inventor from Chicago named Riri Williams (Dominique Thorne) who will become the Iron Man-esque, mechanical super-suited heroine Ironheart.
DISCLAIMER: I’ve lost interest in the vast majority of the Marvel shows, so if Ironheart has already made her appearance in one of those, I am unaware of it.
This looks overstuffed to me. Too many brand new characters, too much story, too much silly comics stuff all being thrown at us at once. On the other hand, as I said above, Coogler & co. made one of the best single Marvel movies yet, so I am cautiously hopeful. I also enjoy the reworking (as far as I can tell) of Namor’s backstory and people, and the casting of Huerta. I’ll be seeing this one just as soon as it streams into my home.
14th
Teletubbies (series)
Where: Netflix
Yup. Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the cultural zeitgeist, those four …things living in their aggressively pleasant native world where they are observed by a burning infant in the sky are BACK! Created in 1997 by Anne Wood and Andrew Davenport for the BBC (who were seeking programming aimed at preschoolers) the Teletubbies are fascinatingly (and terrifyingly) strange.
If you’re unfamiliar, they’re four creatures of varying heights. Each is a different color and has a different shaped antenna on its head, which presumably connects to the television screens in their stomachs. They live in a seemingly endless plain of rolling green hills, in a habitat that looks like a Hobbit hole designed by Ikea, all overseen by a sun that has a baby’s face in it. They take video-calls (via their stomach televisions) from children and children-adjacent individuals who talk about educational things and serve as field trips for the seemingly captive ‘tubbies.
My theory is that they are aliens - or possibly extra-terrestrial beings, I’m open to that as a possibility - who have been captured and are being tranquilized and observed by the government or possibly some organization not unlike the SCP Foundation. The overly pleasant environment, the sun-with-a-baby’s-face, they’re all meant to keep the ‘tubbies at ease. Perhaps they are, as they seem, young and are being indoctrinated to have a better understanding of humanity, possibly as a means of convincing them that we are worth saving/protecting/not actively destroying. Perhaps even one instance of negativity, fear, or violence would see them transform into eldritch, unstoppable avatars of our ultimate destruction. Who’s to say?
Well, this version is narrated by Tituss Burgess, so if anybody would be the one to warn us that the Teletubbies have gone rogue, or are achieving their final form, it would be him. I will not be watching this for entertainment, but I might get really really high and refine my theories.
15th
R.I.P.D. 2: Rise of the Damned (dir. Paul Leyden)
Where: physical media / digital rental
2013’s R.I.P.D. (Rest In Peace Department) starred Ryan Reynolds and Jeff Bridges as Nick and Roy. Much like in Men in Black, Nick was the new recruit, a Boston cop killed in the line of duty and recruited to help police the afterlife, bringing rogue souls to justice alongside Roy, the veteran old west sheriff who’s been on the job a long time. It was based on a comic book from 1999 by Peter M. Lenkov which I’ve never read and I never saw the movie but from what I know it wasn’t well-received.
So it’s getting a prequel! And the Roy character portrayed by Jeff Bridges will be played by Jeffrey Donovan! The plot seems to be that either this is the first time any souls have escaped, or that it’s the largest jailbreak so-to-speak and they’re recruiting Roicephus “Roy” Pulsipher to help!
I dunno. I like Donovan, but I have no interest in DTV prequel really. Having said that, if/when I ever see this sitting there on a streaming service I already have access to, I’d probably throw it on.
16th
The Santa Clauses (miniseries)
Where: Disney+
The 1994 family comedy saw Scott Calvin (Tim Allen) accidentally murder Santa Claus and thus, replace him. What this says about the tyrannical dictatorship of Santa Claus is interesting to ponder, but this isn’t about that. Two sequels, in 2002 and 2006 followed, vaguely expanding on the mythology of the world created. Now, in 2022, comes this apparently 6-episode miniseries.
The trailer is sparse. Calvin calls a meeting of his elves and announces “For the good of Christmas and for the good of my family I am retiring”. The majority of the rest of the trailer is Peyton Manning goobering his way thru an audition to be the next Santa Claus. David Krumholtz briefly appears, reprising his role from the first 2 Santa Clause films, but that’s about it.
Which leaves me to wonder… What happened to make Santa abandon his life’s purpose? The trailer tells me nothing, so allow me to guess: Santa is arrested in the Kalamazoo airport with a pound and a half of cocaine and, to avoid a lengthy prison sentence, decides to rat out a dozen other drug dealers he knows. But he didn’t do it because he’s AFRAID of going to prison, of course not! He’s Santa Claus and he’s a tough, macho dude! The last beacon of traditional masculinity in a world increasingly caving to “wokeness” (which I think must also have been invented for the film series, because it’s certainly not real). The last Santa standing, you could say.
No, he did it for the children. If Santa was to go to prison, Christmas would have to be canceled. And if there’s one thing Santa will not stand for, it’s Christmas cancel culture. So he’s choosing to retire before the scandal gets out, tarnishing the good name of Christmas. Also presumably the various drug dealers would be sending magical hitmen to the North Pole to break his kneecaps and pour boiling hot cocoa down his throat, so he’s gotta beat feet before that happens.
Again, these are just guesses. Anyway, I would have zero interest in an instant more of anything starring warrior against wokeness/coke rat Tim Allen, let alone a six episode miniseries? Fuck outta here.
24th
Disenchanted (dir. Adam Shankman)
Where: Disney+
The 2007 film Enchanted seemed like a very promising direction for the Disney empire. A self-aware, wry look at the fairy tale archetypes popularized by Disney themselves (itself?) the film took the clichés from those films - wicked stepmother, true love’s kiss to break spells, etc. - and turned them on their head. It even briefly brought hand-drawn animation back to the Mouse House before pulling a reverse Pagemaster (*) and transposing the formerly animated characters into the real physical world.
(*) The Reverse Pagemaster is also a sex act I once heard described by Sir Alec Guinness.
As you might expect, Enchanted ended in a “happily ever after” with fairy tale princess Giselle (Amy Adams) and new York lawyer Robert (Patrick Dempsey) falling in love and living together to raise Morgan, Robert’s daughter from a previous marriage. What Disenchanted asks is: “But what if the real world was dogshit?” So now Giselle, Robert and Morgan (Gabriella Baldacchino) have to move to Monroeville (which is in NJ, but doesn’t look like NJ in this trailer, just sayin’) into a “fixer-upper” home.
A visit from Edward (James Marsden) and Nancy (Idina Menzel) - coming from the fairy tale world - inspires Giselle to use a magic wand to wish her problems away, which backfires and something something something wicked witch problems.
I’ve never seen the first one, but I’ve heard a lot of good things and I could easily be talked into a double feature presuming they’re both available on Disney+ because I like the concept and I like the cast, which for Disenchanted also features Maya Rudolph, Yvette Nicole Brown, Oscar Nuñez, and Griffin Newman (as the voice of a chipmunk).
25th
The Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special (Dir. James Gunn)
Where: Disney+
This holiday-themed featurette (clocking in at “around 40 minutes”, similar to last month’s Werewolf By Night) finds the cast of the Guardians movies (Pom Klementieff, Dave Buatista, Karen Gillan, Sean Gunn, and the voices of Bradley Cooper and Vin Diesel) traveling to Earth to kidnap Kevin Bacon as a present for the depressed Starlord (Chris Pratt). That’s pretty much all the trailer gives away aside from the fact that Kevin Bacon will actually appear!
I’ll definitely be checking this out, but I might wait until closer to Christmas proper, or at least a snowy night.
SPOTLIGHT - Not brand new, but available via streaming and definitely still worth looking up
November 1st
Adaptation. (2002) (dir. Spike Jonze)
Where: Hulu
The mother of all literary adaptations, Adaptation. is written by Charlie Kaufman, and is technically based on the book “The Orchid Thief” by Susan Orlean, though in actuality it is more based on Kaufman’s failure to actually write an adaptation of Orlean’s book while struggling with writer’s block. The film stars Nicolas Cage as (hold on to your hats if you don’t know) Charlie Kaufman, a screenwriter attempting to adapt the book “The Orchid Thief” by Susan Orlean but struggling with writer’s block. Cage also portrays Charlie’s twin brother Donald who, while crashing with Charlie, decides to become a screenwriter as well and quickly finds tremendous success. If you can believe it, things spiral from there.
Adaptation. is very much a product of its time, and our cultural fascination with the concept of “meta” but don’t let that stop you. “Meta” as a concept hasn’t gone anywhere, it’s just no longer the novelty it once was. But on top of that the film is full of great character actors and a pair of performances that once again made the general public stop and take note: “Hey, that Nic Cage guy really is some kinda actor”.
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That’s a wrap on EOINA for this November. I hope you all had a fun and safe Halloween. It seems like most people have mentally put COVID far in their rearview but I still implore you to be safe when/if you’re gathering for the holidays.
That aside, I as always thank you for reading and thank MovieJawn for hosting & posting. If you’d like more from me, the Hate Watch/Great Watch podcast - which I cohost with Allison Yakulis - is dropping three episodes. On the 2nd you can hear us talk about Dirty Dancing (1987) with frequent guest Tina Dillon, then on the 16th we have a guest-free episode on seasonally appropriate tear-jerker Sweet November (2001), and we close the month with Bryan Bierman, another frequent guest, to discuss the children-playing-detectives oddity Hawk Jones (1986)! Allison and I will also be rolling out articles on some of the films we saw at this year’s Philadelphia Unnamed Film Festival, so keep your eyes out for those!
Until next time - Long Live the Movies!
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This piece was written for MovieJawn, a fabulous site where you can find tons of other excellent movie-centric writings, a shop where you can subscribe to the quarterly physical zine, or listen to me on the Hate Watch/Great Watch podcast! Support the MovieJawn Patreon here!
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