EVERYTHING OLD IS NEW AGAIN, Vol. 33 - November 2021

Everything Old Is New Again
Vol. 33 - November, 20211

By Hunter Bush, Podcast Czar

It’s always a smidge bittersweet to put Halloween in the rear view each year. A sting that’s traditionally only soothed by the promise of the good food and large, familial gatherings usually highlighted within the back pages of the calendar. These are, as we’ve all become accustomed to saying, unprecedented times however and that might not be any more advisable this year than it was last year. I may be earning a reputation as a doomsayer and a scold, but I’m also proudly one of the ever-dwindling number of people who have not contracted any form or variant of covid *knocks wood*.

I know, I know; you’re not here to get beaten about the head and neck with my opinions on anything OTHER THAN movies, and I respect that. I just wanted to take one more moment to politely request that everyone please continue to behave as though we are still not out of the woods yet because, unfortunately, that IS the case. Be safe, wear a mask, get the vaccine if you haven’t - or a booster if you’re able - and use caution when considering large holiday gatherings.

Okay. There, I’m done. Let’s talk about movies! Here at Everything Old Is New Again, the focus is pre-existing IP (Intellectual Properties) and the movies or TV series based upon them. If it started out as a book, a song, a play, or even an older film or TV project, it’s EOINA material. I watch the available trailers and give my rundown of what I know of the project and the IP it’s based on, before finally describing my personal level of enthusiasm for it.

My hope is that my li’l column might expose you to some upcoming entertainment you weren’t aware of, or allow you to approach it with a slightly more enlightened view of its origins. Then down at the bottom, I’ll have a SPOTLIGHT for some older EOINA appropriate flicks that, though they’re not exactly new, still fully get my recommendation. Let’s get started!


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PREMIERS

Flicks and series coming to screens great and small this month


4th

Eternals (dir. Chloé Zhao)
Where: In theaters

Based on a series of Marvel comics that have been around forever but never quite hit the kind of popularity that some of their peers did, my recollection of the Eternals' whole deal is a little spotty. They’re a race not unlike humans except with fantastical super powers. Unlike the Marvel concept of “mutants” who get their powers from genetic mutation, the Eternals exist as the result of tampering from godlike beings from space called Celestials. I think. And iirc, they are known as “Eternals” because at some point they just stop aging and are immortal. These trailers look very pretty actually and the tone struck in them is nice; very grand. Like a Greek epic but with laser eyes and ropey CGI dragon monsters. Oh, the monsters are called Deviants and according to the copious narration here, they’re the reason the Eternals are here: because the Deviants pose a threat to us regular degular humans and those Celestials I mentioned before have charged the Eternals with protecting us. They’re not supposed to interfere with human events unless a Deviant is involved which handily explains why these super powerful, long-lived characters didn’t show up when the big grape-flavored Bruce Willis-looking Thanos showed up and annihilated half the population. Coincidentally however, the energy of all those souls being returned to existence is what has set …some vague threat in motion. A threat the Eternals have seven days to stop. Wow, now that I’m typing this out, these trailers have laid A LOT of road for audiences before we’ve even set foot (hypothetically) in theaters. My guess is that the overall message of the movie - as much as a Marvel movie is capable of having a message beyond “see the next one!” - will be about how we’re all connected. They’ll of course be talking about humans and Eternals, but I have a feeling that message may be applicable to normal humans just as well. It is honestly refreshing to see a Marvel movie with some kind of feeling of life in it - there are shots of Sprite (Lia McHugh) performing some kind of maybe play or magic show (?) and I’ve heard that Kingo (Kumail Nanjiani) will be involved in a dance number (?!). I’d still like more color from these films, but director Chloé Zhao seems to, visually, be making the semi-monotonous palette work in her favor, giving the flick a sun-baked sword-and-sandals epic feel despite not really containing much by way of traditional sword-and-sandals tropes (at least, as far as I can tell). The heroes will still be fighting a lot of janky-looking CG villains and yadda-yadda-yadda; the usual MCU nonsense, but I’m hoping maybe this will feel …different? Still not going to a theater for it though.


7th

Dexter: New Blood (weekly series) (dir. Marcos Siega, others?)
Where: Showtime

Back in 2006 Showtime began a series based on Jeff Lindsay’s 2004 novel ‘ Darkly Dreaming Dexter ‘, about blood spatter analyst by day/vigilante serial killer by night Dexter Morgan (Michael C. Hall) which ended after eight seasons with Dexter riding off on a small boat (maybe a raft?) into a raging storm at sea. This ten-episode miniseries picks up ten years after the events of that night, with Dexter living in Alaska. The trailer gets points for using Iggy Pop’s song ‘ The Passenger ‘ in it because that’s not only a great song but thematically references Dexter’s “dark passenger” (as he calls his urge to kill). Sadly it immediately loses these points by slowing the song down and generally giving it the “chopped and screwed” treatment to make it fit better with the weird musical fetishes of our times. Blerg. So, Dex is dating the town sheriff, a relationship that is great for dramatic irony and also allows him to be up to date on missing persons, giving him potential serial killers to continue to hunt - to satiate his “dark passenger” - and is generally a really good setup for a mini series! Smart stuff! It seems kids have started to go missing and Dex may be hallucinating his sister (Jennifer Carpenter) as a manifestation of his conscience. (SIDEBAR: Did she die in the original series? I don’t recall.) Anyway, the New Blood of the title refers to both Dex breaking his kill-fast but also to his son (Jack Alcott) showing up… in Alaska. My guess is: the kid is having his own “dark passenger” problems and needs daddy’s guidance (which is a nice thematic bookend for Dexter’s own life story, yadda yadda yadda). Also Clancy Brown is in this! So I will DEF be watching …if someone could let me borrow their Showtime login. Pretty please?


11th

Ghostbusters: Afterlife (dir. Jason Reitman)
Where: In theaters

The hotly anticipated sequel to 2016’s Ghostbusters, I find it very interesting that I’m not seeing hide nor hair of any of the original cast (played by Leslie Jones, Melissa McCarthy, Kate McKinnon, and Kristen Wiig - alphabetical by last name). This is actually a pretty smart tactic in my opinion, as I feel too many trailers reveal too much of the film! This could even just be footage taken from a cold open largely unrelated to the main plot! That’s exciting, isn’t it, to not know exactly what you’re going to get? I guess no one in Hollywoo thinks so because this is just one long nostalgia jerkoff session that ends with you wiping goopy Stay Puft residue off of your face. Seriously, “we” (and I use the term loosely) had a problem with women Ghostbusters but not kid Ghostbusters? Where are all the outraged fanboys asking how those kids can drive the Ecto-1 so well? The plot here seems to be that, I guess Egon (Harold Ramis, R.I.P.) moved to the midwest and had kids who had grandkids and now the grandkids have found all of his still-functional Ghostbuster stuff? And the town they live in is essentially a Hellmouth from Buffy the Vampire Slayer with a temple of I’m guessing Gozer the Gozerian (because not only do we get those big gargoyley dog-monsters here in less-impressive CGI than the original practical versionms, but also because why take a chance on inventing a new thing that people might not immediately recognize when you can recycle the old stuff back at them?) in a mineshaft under it. And of course the kids figure it out (with some help from Paul Rudd?) and have to save the day. I get that “everybody” (and I use the term loosely) loved Stranger Things but can we just, please try some new fucking ideas in Hollywoo? This A Pup Named Scooby-Doo version of Ghostbusters is an immediate turn off for me. I’m skipping it and watching the original 3 films instead.



12th

Home Sweet Home Alone (dir. Dan Mazer)
Where: Disney+

In 1990, director Chris Columbus and screenwriter John Hughes conspired on a concept so genius that it sounds silly: what if this home invasion film was a family comedy? It launched the career of Macaulay Culkin (he of Pizza Underground fame) and generally speaking, has more sequels than you remember. Well, throw one more on the pile as we generally rehash the plot of the original. It’s the holidays and everyone is running around like chickens with their heads cut off and in all the confusion and meshugas of packing they forgot to pack one of the kids (Archie Yates as Max)! On top of that, Ellie Kemper and Rob Delaney have decided to break in for some reason (?) so Max has no other option (read: several other options) besides violent bodily harm. And you know what? I’m (largely) fine with it. They make a point of having mom (Aisling Bea) mention that the family had been split onto two flights which is a much better excuse for misplacing a kid than in the original which was …none? My biggest question is that Kemper & Delaney don’t seem to be capital-C “Criminals” so much as “regular people committing a criminal act for some unspecified reason”, which makes it a smidge harder for me to enjoy watching them get injured. Speaking of, the trailer shows almost no harm coming to Kemper, as I guess regardless of circumstances audiences are adverse to watching women get bodily harmed for the sake of comedy, which begs the question: why have a lady burglar at all? But I digress. It’s a little hard to tell from the trailer but the defenses better 1) be violent and 2) look brutal or else, really, what are we even doing here? I’m not champing at the bit for this one, but I won’t be mad if a roommate wants to watch it.


17th

Hit Monkey (series)
Where: Hulu

Another Marvel property, this time one I’m even less familiar with (though to be fair, it’s a lot more recent than Eternals), Hit Monkey is a hitman and a monkey and is apparently being guided by the ghost of a human hitman (Jason Sudekis) in a quest for vengeance! The tone of this falls somewhere between Archer and Venture Bros. for me, which is a good thing, and having a woman (Olivia Munn, I believe) saying things like “He’s one of the good guys” and “He’s going to save us all!” …about a monkey dressed like John Wick is pretty fun. My only issue was that the camera work in the trailer footage was really shaky, I guess going for that gritty handheld feel, but whoo boy was I getting carsick watching it. Maybe it’ll be better coming out of a TV a greater distance across the room from me, or maybe I’ll just end up skipping the whole thing but I’ll definitely be checking it out.


19th

Wheel of Time (series)
Where: Prime

Okay, so my knowledge of this property is pretty nebulous but as far as I know: The Wheel of Time is a high fantasy 14-book magnum opus begun by Robert Jordan and finished, after Jordan’s death, by Brandon Sanderson guided by Jordan’s copious notes. Despite my owning maybe eight of the books, I have read none (I bought them because other authors I like spoke highly of both Jordan and the series specifically). So, “high fantasy” means things like swords, sorcery, elves, and the like. I know the series has at least two of those, so… The footage here looks appropriately grand in scale and there are some very intriguing, unique visuals (the woman rising from the water with paint on it which stains her skin and armor?) that make me personally interested in seeing what it’s all about. I love worldbuilding and I can only presume that a series based on tens of thousands of pages of story will have lots of it, I just hope it’s interesting and handled well. The broad strokes plot seems to be about someone discovering they have a special power (known apparently by many names in different parts of the world) and being one of the many women who wield it to protect that world. Of course some vague “great battle” is coming - there are monstrous looking creatures on horseback, a creeping blackness, and some pale thing in a cloak with a mouth like a lamprey - and these women will have to stop it. The concept of the titular wheel of time is, I guess, that ages and civilizations come and go and, to quote Leonard Nimoy from that Simpson episode “the cosmic ballet goes on”, but there’s a moment in the trailer showing visual repetitions of wheels/circles/rings that I find very interesting. I’ll be checking this out for sure.

Cowboy Bebop (series)
Where: Netflix

Originally broadcast in Japan during the end of the ‘90s, Cowboy Bebop made a new generation of fans thanks to being rebroadcast on Adult Swim in 2001. An animated crime noir in space, the series follows the crew of the spaceship Bebop who, for the most part, are somewhat legal bounty hunters (but also a super hacker and an adorable pup!). Of all the properties this month, CB is what I’m most excited for. The most recent trailer - a.k.a. The Lost Session, which plays like a cold open - showcases the relationship dynamics between the three main characters (Daniella Pineda as Faye, John Cho as Spike, and Mustafa Shakir as Jet) as well as teasing some of Spike’s backstory, and showing off a 4th wall-breaking cinematography that is vivid, colorful, and fun. The original animated CB is fantastic, and honestly unrepeatable, but if the crew is as invested in making something interesting and vibrant as they seem to be, this will be able to stand on its own, which is the most you can ask of an adaptation.


24th

Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City (dir. Johannes Roberts)
Where: In theaters


The Resident Evil franchise began life as the genre-defining “survival horror” game of 1996 (known as Biohazard in its home country, Japan) which spawned at least seven video game sequels, comics, novels, animated series’, and notably a six-film live action film franchise lead by Mila Jovovich. Holy schnikes, y’all! This takes the goddamn cake for absolutely boneheaded music drops! Similar to the way they massacred my boy ‘ The Passenger ‘ in that Dexter trailer, there is a slower and slightly remixed version of, I kid you not, 4 Non Blondes’ ‘ What’s Going On? ‘ in this trailer! Hahaha…what?! I honestly absorbed very little of the trailer after that point. It’s all I can focus on! Like, imagine that meeting:

    Executive: “That trailer needs a song in it. Something recognizable (but edited so as to be different), that’s what the youth demographic is into these days…”
    Creative: “Oh okay, I’ll find something spooky. Something with the right vibe…”
    Executive:  “How about that “What’s Going On?” song from the ‘90s?”
    Creative: “...”
    Executive: “The one in that He-Man video everybody loved (about 2 decades ago)?”
    Creative: “I …don’t think that …will work.”
    Executive: “Well we don’t pay you to think.”
    Creative: “In fact, that is EXACTLY what you pay me for.”
    Executive: “Okay, so we’re in agreement.”
    Creative: “What?”

And then maybe they kiss? That’s what happens in slash fiction, right? Kissing? ANYway: before all my senses fled my consciousness due to the cognitive dissonance of that song pared with that footage, it seemed like the play here was to make a prequel (it’s set in 1998) that, if this doesn’t spawn a franchise, could just as easily take place before the Mila Jovovich set of films, BUT if it DOES make bank and “demand” sequels, could just as easily go it’s own way. The plot seems to largely follow that of the 2nd Resident Evil game (which I believe is the most well-known, but don’t quote me on that) involving Claire Redfield (Kaya Scodelario) arriving in the titular Raccoon City to investigate a contamination event involving the Umbrella megacorporation that has turned much of the populace into (essentially) zombies, as well as unleashing some other creatures, here rendered in absolutely horsecrap-level CGI. I will forget this movie is coming out by the time I finish this article, and will eventually stumble across it on some streaming platform down the road, watch it and think “That was …fine.”

Hawkeye (series)
Where: Disney+

Yet another Marvel property, this time spun directly off of the very financially successful Avengers films. During the five years that half the population of the world had vanished, Hawkeye (Jeremy Renner) created a new persona: Ronin, and did the thing that antiheroes do so they can feel like good guys while indulging in their sociopathic desire for violence: beating up criminals. (This is really a theme this month, hunh? Both Dexter and Hit Monkey are on that same trip). Only now, those particular underworld chickens have come home to roost and Hawkeye has to go on the run to keep his family safe this holiday season. Along the way, he meets Kate (Haylee Steinfeld) who in the comics eventually also goes by the name Hawkeye sometimes. (SIDEBAR: The MCU movies are setting up a whole “Young Avengers” thing since the original Avengers’ contracts are largely up or nearing their end and they need to keep the brand alive. In the comics, the whole Young Avengers thing pops up from time to time to rejuvenate the universe, add fresh characters and entice younger readers so they can become lifers like me. Kids: Don’t do it. Comics are great and all, but you need variety or your brain will turn to pudding and you’ll get mad that there are female Ghostbusters or some shit.) The tone of this series looks decent. Renner has experience playing street-level brawler-type heroes and in general the MCU TV series’ have been a little better about balancing tone even though they usually culminate in disappointing endings since they’re contractually not really allowed to end ever? As for when I’ll watch it: I’ll get to it eventually. I honestly still have to finish Falcon & Winter Soldier, which slowed down for me so I watched Loki instead and that was much more my speed. And I’ve heard that What If…? may actually impact continuity so I guess I’ll be forced to watch that too. Sweet Satan, give me strength!


SPOTLIGHT

Recommended flicks that, though not quite new releases, still meet EOINA criteria

1st


Moneyball (2011) (dir. Bennett Miller)
Where: Hulu

I, and I cannot stress this enough, have no interest in baseball. I live in a city that has won the occasional championship, and when that happens I’m happy for them and for all Philadelphians, but I’m not one to hop on a bandwagon. I also could not care less about statistics; not a stocks guy, not a gambler, nothing like that. Having said all of that, I legit l-o-v-e Moneyball. The performances are across the board fantastic, the direction is top notch, the cinematography (by Wally Pfister!) is (unsurprisingly) gorgeous, etc. Most of all, something about the rhythm of the film (editing by Christopher Tellefsen) is just hypnotic and relaxing, making it a movie I’d gladly sink into for an afternoon. No one is more surprised than myself that I love a movie about baseball statistics this much.


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And there you have it. All the news that’s fit to print, as they used to say. Lot of vigilantes. Lot of bad music. Lot of Marvel. I’m so tired.

If you’re not sick of my thoughts and opinions, you can find me on every episode of Hate Watch/Great Watch, which I regularly co host with Allison Yakulis (though she is on leave for the time being and our pal Tina Dillon has been filling in). In November we’ve got episodes coming up on Disney’s Jamaican bobsled Olympics dramedy Cool Runnings (1993) and the answering machine-centric made for TV thriller Lisa (1989). Both great episodes.

Support the MovieJawn Patreon for all sorts of cool stuff, with more coming all the time. Thank you as always for reading! Please drop a comment below or get in touch on social media - you can follow me on twitter, instagram, or letterboxd - about the column (or just to chat about movies). Please enjoy your holidays safely, for your benefit as well as everyone else’s. Talk soon.

Long Live the Movies!



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This piece was written for MovieJawn, a fabulous site where you can find tons of other excellent movie-centric writings, a shop where you can subscribe to the quarterly physical zine, or listen to me on the  Hate Watch / Great Watch  podcast! Support the MovieJawn Patreon here!

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EVERYTHING OLD IS NEW AGAIN - Vol. 29

EVERYTHING OLD IS NEW AGAIN
Vol. 29 - July 2021

By: Hunter Bush

Howdy! Howdy, one and all. Welcome to another installment of Everything Old is New Again, the column where I assess some of the upcoming film & television projects with an eye on the ones that are based on some previously existing intellectual property. More importantly, welcome back to some sense of cautious normalcy.

That's right! You can, if you so desire, return to theaters in most places. I was just in a theater for the first time since March 10th, 2020 (that time was to see The Hunt, this time to see the latest Fast & Furious) and while it obviously wasn't a completely normal experience, it still felt a little like coming home. I love movie theaters. That feeling when the lights go down is unlike almost anything else for me - the closest comparison is cresting the first hill of a roller coaster. But it won't feel "normal" until I can feel comfortable in a crowded theater again, which for me will be a while.

That said, *you* might be rip roarin' and ready to go, in which case you're in luck: There are a LOT of in-theater options for your viewing pleasure in July! As always, EOINA only deals with Remakes, Adaptations and Legacy Sequel projects. Even so, you won't be hurting for choices. Let's take a look!

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PREMIERS

All the brand new flicks worth talking about!

2nd

The Forever Purge (dir. Everardo Gout)
Where: Theaters

"Art imitates life". By now, things being the way they have, you've probably become familiar with this saying. Maybe you yourself have pondered, as I have, the prevalence of post-apocalyptic/dystopian stories being told now, the way the concerns of the 1980s lent themselves to viral outbreak narratives. Well The Purge series which began in 2013 has certainly had moments that feel not only reflective of the times, but occasionally horrifyingly prescient. And if that weren't enough, they're throwing down the gauntlet with their latest installment The Forever Purge which seems to be tied to another axiom: "No matter how bad things are, they can always get worse." In the world of The Purge, for those not familiar, there is one night a year in which all crime is legal. A sort of societal pressure valve that serves as the bread and circuses for the citizens of this particular near-future semi-dystopian American. But a really messed up and dark system is still a system and there will always be folks who find ways to benefit from trying to collapse even the grimmest ones. In the trailer for The Forever Purge, the employees and owners of a ranch in the American Southwest are terrified to discover that some group aren't content with one Purge night and intent to extend the lawlessness forever. I'll be interested to see what their motivations are, both public and secret, for this extremely edgelord bloody coup.

Fear St. Part 1: 1994 (dir. Leigh Janiak)
Where: Netflix

This long-rumored/long-in-development adaptation of R.L. Stine's book series which began in 1989 with The New Girl looks amazing, frankly. The Fear Street series were a little more adult than Stine's generally better-known Goosebumps series, with more teen angst and melodrama as well as a bit more raw violence and gore. The approach being taken here is incredibly fun: in the "present" (1994) the town of Sunnyvale is beset by evil forces, something that only certain few residents, including the lone survivor of a massacre in 1971 (Gillian Jacobs) recognize as part of a cycle of evil that dates back to 1666. Director Leigh Janiak gained notoriety in 2014 with her feature debut Honeymoon, which balances a supernatural inciting event with interpersonal conflicts and questions very well. You can see why I'm very excited for her take on the Fear Street subject matter. Full disclosure: I actually only read the first FS book, when I was in Junior High and I recall almost none of it, so none of the trailer resonated especially strongly with me, but I know the series contains over 160 books (if my math is correct) so I imagine the plot is inspired by at least a few of them. This looks to be a lot of fun, very splattery and colorful and absolutely soaked in genre staples like ax wielding maniacs standing in a cabin doorway, puritan townspeople performing a ritual sacrifice and, my favorite, a kid in the '90s rapping to himself while playing Castlevania before getting an ominous phone call. Netflix is staggering the releases of the 3 installments, each set in one of the key eras, and I've listed them on the appropriate dates below, but this review, much like the trailer, covers all of them.

Monsters At Work (series)
Where: Disney+

This spin off series from the Monsters Inc. universe seems focused on the day to day operations within the actual Monsters Inc corporation. As you may recall, at the end of 2001's original Monsters Inc., Mike (Billy Crystal) and Sully (John Goodman) changed the status quo of the company, finding that laughter was a much more powerful energy source than screams of terror. After a brief prequel detour back to Mike & Sully's college years in 2013's Monsters University, we're finally going to see what Monsters Inc. looks like now that top "scarers" aren't getting prime gigs and are instead regulated to custodial/maintenance work. Crystal & Goodman are listed in the cast but I'd imagine they won't be the stars. We're more likely going to focus on new recruit Tyler Tuskmon (Ben Feldman) as he gets to know his custodial/maintenance co workers voiced by Mindy Kaling and Henry Winkler among others. This looks really cute (both the Monsters Inc. movies have a lot of adorable, fun design work and characters) and could be really interesting, but I have no clue from the trailer what the overall story of the show might be.

8th

Resident Evil: Infinite Darkness (series)
Where: Netflix

Resident Evil, for the unaware, is a genre-defining video game series that began in 1996 (that genre btw is "survival horror") and continues currently. Beginning in 2002, it also spawned a film franchise starring Mila Jovovich! As a franchise, Resident Evil is completely batnanas (that's batshit + bananas), which is part of the fun of it! It could just be your regular degular zombie series with some chemical compound as the catalyst, but that's been done to death, so the RE franchise just keeps getting weirder with more and bigger and stranger mutations, every flavor of body horror and, as of the 8th game in the series, Village, which was released only a few months ago, canonical vampires and werewolves! OK! The other calling card of an RE story is a labyrinthine backstory about greed and corruption. Every game and at least most of the movies spend at least half their time uncovering corruption on a global scale that has lead to the continued existence of the T-Virus, as I believe it is still called - it's been a while since I've personally checked into the series. It seems almost a no-brainer then that the series spend some time in Washington DC but this CGI animated series coming from Netflix is the first time I can recall seeing that locale in a Resident Evil project (as I said, I'm a bit out of the loop, so if I'm wrong, let me know in the comments). The series stars RE games semi-mainstays Leon Kennedy and Claire Redfield (voiced here by Nick Apostolides and Staphanie Panisello respectively) doing more of that uncovering that I mentioned - Claire even has a full on Pepe Silvio conspiracy board in one shot, and fighting various appropriately Resident Evil-y creatures: zombies, super rats and a guy who looks like if Swamp Thing fucked a garden salad who also has his heart on the outside. All that is totally cool, fine and to be expected but my issue with this series is that it's animated like a videogame cut scene. Maybe, if you're a kid whose grown up watching the dead-eyed refugees from the uncanny valley, and are used to trying to form emotional attachments to them, this might not be as big an issue. I personally cannot imagine many hells more interminable than being expected to watch more than a few minutes of this at a time.

9th

Black Widow (dir. Cate Shortland)
Where: Theaters

This one is a real head-scratcher. Ok. So the character Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson) within the Marvel MCU film series is dead. She died in the last Avengers movie so that they could get all the space magic stones for their Nintendo Power Glove and save the day. So ...NOW is when they release her stand alone movie? Admittedly, this has been "in development" for, I dunno, roughly 50 years right? Basically someone at Marvel said they might make a Black Widow movie almost as soon as she showed up because OF COURSE THEY MIGHT. They MIGHT make a movie about literally ANY character that they think will put butts in seats because the whole thing is a crazy perpetual money machine. Obvs. Now having said that, some of this looks kinda fun. I like superheroes and comic books. I'm a sucker for spy flicks, espionage, gadgets and well choreographed fight scenes, which this trailer had a lot of! I'm not too familiar with Black Widow's comics-continuity backstory beyond her being a former soviet super spy who defected to join the Avengers eventually. In the movies (specifically Age of Ultron, I think?) they show some stuff about a Red Room where kids were trained in the espionage and mercenary arts from a young age. The BW solo movie seems to be dealing with a lot of that, as well as Natasha's (Johansson's) family? Which is weird because I thought she was an orphan, but maybe I'm just projecting that trope onto her story? Anyway, here we get references to Florence Pugh being her sister and Rachel Weisz being her mother, plus David Harbour is there so is he her papa?!?! What a talented family! The plot is a little hard to parse but it seems the person now running the Red Room, a skull-masked villain named Taskmaster (a personal favorite character of mine from the comics) needs to be taken down because he's not just turning the kids from the Red Room into stone cold killers but also brainwashing them which is, I guess, just a bit out of bounds. We get a lot of what you'd expect: vehicle chases and fisticuffs and the like and that's all fine. Where my eyes begin to glaze over is seeing one of those Big Action Set Pieces that are all just starting to feel very same-y to me because they're just actors on wires in a green screened environment. This one is Widow fighting Taskmaster as they both free-fall through the debris of some (maybe) SHIELD Helicarrier? Beyond that though sure, I'm reasonably interested. Also worth noting is that the movie is playing it close to the vest with who is playing Taskmaster. Maybe it's a big star? Maybe it's another character in the movie? Maybe it's something tied to the greater MCU? Who can say? ...Me. It's me. I'm Taskmaster in the Black Widow movie. Tell everyone.

Fear Street Part 2: 1978 (dir. Leigh Janiak)
Where: Netflix

The 2nd part of the Fear Street trilogy drops. This one is the guy-with-an-ax-at-a-summer-camp one. Can't wait!

11th

Wellington Paranormal (series)
Where: The CW / HBO Max the following day

This comedy series spins off of the, and I cannot stress this enough, mind-bendingly funny vampire film What We Do in the Shadows (2014) and follows some members of the local Paranormal branch of Wellington New Zealand police department. As they say, dryly and without  a hint of irony, they are "a bit like Mulder and Scully" from The X-Files: called to cases involving werewolves, ghosts, vampires, UFOs and other spookums. If you're a fan of the mockumentary style that WWDITS nailed - or rather staked - then this might be for you. The trailer is a bit scattered as far as giving me much insight into what the show is beyond monster-of-the-week shenanigans, but I'm still completely willing to check it out when it becomes available in the US (having already premiered outside the country back in February).

16th

Fear Street Part 3: 1666 (dir. Leigh Janiak)
Where: Netflix

The final installment of Leigh Janiak's Fear Street Triptych. This is the one set in a rural township in what looks like New England, but that's just a guess, and will presumably deal with the original evil that has cursed the land that would eventually become the town of Sunnyvale.

Space Jam: A New Legacy (dir. Malcolm D. Lee)
Where: Theaters

"The computer dude kidnapped my son." My sweet Satan this looks like torture. I'm not a fan of the original Space Jam, but one thing I can say for it is: at least its crappiness can be excused by being 25 years old and made at a time when studios still didn't TRY very hard when it came to "children's entertainment". That's kind of the reason Pixar broke so big was that they clearly respected animation, and children's intelligence, and the knowledge that some adults would have to sit through their movies, so why not make them, y'know, ...good? But here we are in 2021 with this awful looking hunk of junk where Don Cheadle (as the aforementioned "Computer Dude") kidnaps LeBron James' family to lure him into a basketball game. Word on the street is that his motivation is slightly deeper than that - he is trying to steal all of James' internet followers for some nefarious ends? But like, is that better? No. That sucks. A big selling point for this one is that Warners can use any of their intellectual properties in a sort of even-more-bullshit-nonsensical Ready Player One bid to stay relevant and keep people interested in their IP, but like for what and for whom? What person who would otherwise be uninterested in this movie, is going to go see it in theaters because Alex's droogs from A Clockwork Orange are in the background? You people know you can just WATCH THESE MOVIES ON YOUR OWN, yes? If you absolutely have some fundamental, DNA-deep desire to throw away the price of a couple of movie tickets, might I suggest you subscribe to the MovieJawn Patreon and get (I swear a fucking blood oath) MUCH MORE bang for your buck. Also Daffy Duck straight up steals a joke from a The Simpsons season 7 Treehouse of Horror segment Homer³. Eat shit, movie.

23rd

Snake Eyes (dir. Robert Schwentke)
Where: Theaters

Spun off from the G.I. Joe films (though presumably Paramount intends this to restart the franchise), based on the toy line popular throughout the '80s, this scratches a real similar itch for me as the Black Widow trailer: street-level action scenes (for the most part) and some well choreographed combat. The cast is stacked: Henry Golding, Iko Uwais, Samara Weaving & Peter Mensah to name a few stand-outs, and the direction looks solid (as much as one can tell from a trailer) but I'm hesitant on this one because it looks like it's half kung fu movie origin story stuff (rad) and half laying track for future G.I. Joe entries (ehh), so there's a good chance I'd enjoy it until it collapsed under the weight of its franchise. Having said that, it could lean into things and embrace getting bigger and crazier (like a certain street racing franchise famously has) but what are the odds? Also, famously, Snake Eyes (Golding) doesn't speak, at least not after becoming Snake Eyes, so if this does eventually get full on "Go Joe!", will he just be entirely silent, like Nic Cage (star of the other, unrelated Snake Eyes) in Willy's Wonderland? Interesting. Not hitting theaters for this, but I'll keep an eye out for it streaming definitely.

Masters of the Universe: Revelation (series)
Where: Netflix

In the '80s the Masters of the Universe toy line was hot. Musclebound and monster heavy, the toy line sparked the imagination of children everywhere (probably - I was only in Philadelphia but it was definitely happening here) and had a tie-in cartoon series that never QUITE lived up to its potential. Occasionally you'd get a few scenes or episodes that really scratched the itch of what the He-Man & MOTU toys were capable of in your mind, but not always. Now, from producer Kevin Smith comes a version of the series that looks a lot more like what pre-teen me envisioned, with swords, sorcery, lasers (yes, you can have it all), monsters and, at least as far as the trailer is concerned, a bumping '80s soundtrack? Wild times. This looks like it will re-establish the setting, characters and rules of the old cartoon - like how fit but scrawny Prince Adam has to raise his sword and say "I... have... the POWER!" to transform into beefy blonde daddy He-Man - but beyond that I dunno what the plot might be. Now that I think about it, I don't know what the plot of the original series was either. I mean Skeletor (voiced here by Mark Hamill) was trying to do evil things because he was the villain, but like, to what end? Anyway, I always thought the He-Man/MOTU characters had some of the best, craziest designs and they all seem to be floating around in the trailer. Except maybe Ram Man, a toy whose legs you could compress into his abdomen which then sprung out, launching him to great heights of about 3 inches. He was more impressive in our heads. Getting back to the voice cast though: Sarah Michelle Gellar, Kevin Conroy, Lena Headey, Diedrich Bader, Henry Rollins, Alicia Silverstone, Stephen Root, Kevin Michael Richardson, Tony Todd, Justin Long and, most excitingly: Downtown Griffy Newms from the Black Check podcast as Orko, the tiny, weird magical wizard thing! Blank it? Thank it. Smith also recently said that the first 5 episodes were inspired by films from the same era as the toys/series: Superman 2, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, Batman, Hellraiser and of course the Masters of the Universe movie starring Dolph Lundgren and Frank Langella.

30th

The Green Knight (dir. David Lowery)
Where: Theaters

Finally, after what seems an eternity, David Lowery's The Green Knight, based on the Arthurian legend, is actually coming to theaters. I enjoy some of Lowery's other film work, but I'm a big fan of a lot of these older mythologies and stories, especially because they're so out of public consciousness that you can do a LOT with them as far as reimagining/reinterpreting them goes. And that's kind of what it looks like is going on here. The story of the Green Knight is that one day a Green Knight appeared and offered to let any one strike him with his axe so long as they agreed to receive a blow back in exactly one year. Sir Gawain beheaded the knight, who then picked up his head, as one does, and basically said "See ya in a year" and left. One year later, Gawain sets off to find the knight so he can uphold his end of the bargain and along the way a lot of other weird things happened but the point was that Gawain was an honorable man. The trailer for Lowery's The Green Knight is wall-to-wall with amazing imagery and should absolutely be seen. It also has already spawned a Dungeons & Dragons style tabletop game, which I have played and written about and just through and through seems like something I surely WILL enjoy. This one I will be hitting theaters for, not just because I'm sure I can see it in a smaller, less packed, quieter theater than most of the large tentpole-y flicks above.

SPOTLIGHT

Not necessarily new, but recommended.

2nd

Bill & Ted Face the Music (dir. Dean Parisot)
Where: HULU

The long gap sequel to the Bill & Ted franchise, which started with 1989's Excellent Adventure and was followed by 1991's Bogus Journey, Face the Music catches up with Bill S. Preston Esq. (Alex Winter) and Ted Theodore Logan (Keanu Reeves), the two slacker goofballs prophesied to bring unity to the galaxy with their music. They're now grown men, doting fathers, diligent husbands and ...still haven't brought unity to the galaxy, though not for lack of trying! You don't really need to be familiar with Bill & Ted to understand this movie, stuff just happens. Yeah they have access to a time travelling phone booth. They're buds with Death (William Sadler) though things are a bit strained since he quit the band to go solo. They're wives are princesses they met in medieval times who now go to couples' couples therapy because Bill & Ted have trouble separating themselves from ...themselves. You just gotta go with it. If you do, you'll be rewarded with a genuinely touching film about what it means to "be important" and what exactly "family" is. Check out the Hate Watch/Great Watch podcast Episode 48, where we discuss Face the Music with a brief refresher of the first two.

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And there you have it. I kept the SPOTLIGHT section to one flick because July is already a pretty stuffed month for EOINA appropriate flicks. I hope I helped guide you to something you'll enjoy, or to avoid something you wouldn't. Either way, let me know: reach out on social media or leave a comment below!

Thanks as always to MovieJawn for the hosting and posting. If you, reading this, would like to thank them, there is a MovieJawn Patreon, as I mentioned above. For as little as $5 a month, you get quite a bit of bonus material with more on the way all the time! It's worth it. Thanks to you as well for reading this and if you're not sick of my opinions, why not check out the latest episode of Hate Watch/Great Watch which by the time you read this will most likely be on the Muay Thai action film Ong-Bak! Until next time: Long Live the Movies!

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This piece was written for MovieJawn, a fabulous site where you can find tons of other excellent movie-centric writings, a shop where you can subscribe to the quarterly physical zine, or listen to me on the  Hate Watch / Great Watch  podcast! Support the MovieJawn Patreon here!
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EVERYTHING OLD IS NEW AGAIN - Vol. 28

EVERYTHING OLD IS NEW AGAIN
Vol. 28 - June 2021

By Hunter Bush


Howdy friends. Welcome to another installment of Everything Old Is New Again! The column where I peer into my crystal ball (which has Google) and see what films are coming to screens in the next month, and then specifically whittle them down by only addressing the ones based on some previously existing intellectual property. If it used to be a book, a TV show, a toy line or was inspired by an older movie, it's EOINA material!

So, when can we start talking about the lockdown, the pandemic, all the misery and uncertainty of the past year plus in the past tense? I eagerly look forward to the day when this is all firmly in the past. But that day is not today, not as long as there are still covid-19 alerts in place when you google theatrical release dates. But we're close! We're actually genuinely close to some semblance of normalcy.

So if you're planning on visiting a theater, please be safe. Now let's look at what's coming in June:


PREMIERS

These are new releases coming to screens great and small alike in the coming month.

4th

Sweet Tooth (series)
Where: Netflix

Based on the comic books series by author & illustrator Jeff Lemire about a young half-deer half-boy named Gus living in a post-apocalyptic world where such animal-human hybrids exist, this looks incredible! When "The Last Men" (survivors of the time before the hybrids) come looking to exterminate Gus (Christian Convery) he is rescued by a man (Nonso Anozie) who agrees to help him get to Colorado where Gus believes he can be safe. I've read some of Lemire's other work, but hadn't gotten around to Sweet Tooth just yet, so I had no idea what to expect from this trailer and it just ticked so many boxes for me. The design work shown in the costumes and the effects on the hybrids, the cast (if Will Forte is in it, I will be there), the balance of the slightly heightened visual style with the almost fable-like backstory & narration - it all worked for me. Even the cover of Duran Duran's "Ordinary World" works because it has bombast and motion to it (as opposed to the largely audibly static breathy covers popular in recent trailers). I'm all in on this one, gang. 

The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It (dir. Michael Chaves)
Where: HBO Max / Theaters

This 3rd direct installment of the franchise begun in 2013 - which has also spawned 4 spin-off films (3 starring the haunted doll Annabelle, and one starring a scary nun) - looks fun despite, y'know, all the murder and terror and whatnot. Set in 1981, the Warrens (played by Patrick Wilson & Vera Farmiga, doing a lot of heavy lifting in rehabilitating the legacy of the actual Warrens who were hucksters) are brought in as consultants/investigators on a murder case where the accused (Ruairi O'Connor) claims, as the title states: that he is not responsible for a murder he apparently committed. We don;t see the murder in the trailer (I don't think) instead focusing on a lot of creepy waterbed shenanigans and the Warrens' investigation. I'm a sucker for horror movies and generally like more of the Conjuring extended universe than not (I maintain that Annabelle Creation whips absolute ass) so I'll be more than happy to check this one out. Especially because it features an appearance from John Noble!

5th


Rams (dir. Jeremy Sims)
Where: Hulu

Based on a 2015 film of the same name by Icelandic writer/director Grímur Hákonarson, this English-language-friendly remake stars Sam Neill and Michael Caton as brothers who each raise award-contender sheep in a small town. They haven't spoken in 40 years but when some kind of disease begins spreading through the sheep in town, they might have to learn to reconcile if either of them want to keep their livelihoods safe from the government agents sent to exterminate the animals. If any of you haven't seen Cathy Yan's truly excellent Dead Pigs, a similar event lends that film its title, though in that instance it's relegated to a subplot. (Also, if you haven't: see Dead Pigs!) Overall this looks cute in a way that gives me very strong late '90s indie comedy vibes - not a bad thing necessarily - and the cast, which also features Miranda Richardson, doesn't hurt. This is a strong maybe from me. I'll have to be in the right mood for this one.

9th


Loki (series)
Where: Disney+

Picking up where that last Avengers film left things, Loki (Tom Hiddleston) is now in trouble with one of Marvel Comics' least appreciated bureaucratic groups: the Time Variance Authority. Y'see, since comic books have a lot of timey-wimey nonsense happen pretty much on the reg, there exists an organization whose entire job is to make sure that all the time-hopping, retconning, revenging, prevenging and whatnot doesn't Swiss cheese their reality so badly that the whole thing collapses and everybody dies so bad they never even existed. And it seems that after snagging the Cosmic Cube, Loki went Spring Break levels of crazy, dipping in and out of the time stream, causing numerous divergent branches, so he's gotten caught and, as a sort of community service (continuity service?) been drafted by Mobius M. Mobius (Owen Wilson) into correcting these variances. So this series looks like it could have a LOT of fun with familiar characters presented in new ways (or by new actors as a result of Loki's time-fuckery). I'm here for it, of course. I've never shied away from the MCU flicks/series, and I am loving some of the Easter Eggs & eye candy in the trailer - my favorite is a neon sign reading "ROXXCART" which seems like the Roxxon Corp. (one of Marvel's routinely nefarious big organizations) mashed up with Amazon (one of real life's most nefarious ones).

NOTE: This is the drop date for the 1st episode, as Dis+ will be continuing the weekly drop schedule with this one.

11th


In the Heights (dir. Jon M. Chu)
Where: HBO

Based on the stage musical by Lin-Manuel Miranda & Quiara Alegría Hudes, In the Heights is centered around a number of characters living and interacting around a specific block of the Washington Heights neighborhood in Manhattan. The trailer is narrated by Usnavi (Anthony Ramos) who runs a small bodega, but he's got family, friends, and etc. and they've all got their own interconnected stories, desires, and conflicts. The musical takes place over the hottest weekend of the year and involves a winning lottery ticket and all the changes taking place. There are a lot of really stellar visuals in the trailer (the flick is directed by Jon M. Chu, recently of Crazy Rich Asians) like people dancing up the side of a building and a strobing, neon-lit tunnel! I'm a sucker for musicals, so I'm all in for this one, plus I've been a fan of LMM since he showed up for an episode of House M.D. to freestyle with Hugh Laurie. So, yeah, I'm in.

24th


Godzilla Singular Point (series)
Where: Netflix

Based on everybody's favorite gargantuan prehistoric monster lizard / tangible metaphor for man's complete disregard for nature and tendency to poison all he touches created in 1954 (who looks great for 67!) this animated series looks pretty spectacular! It's got kind of everything you could want in a new Godzilla series: tons of kaiju (obvs), great music (!), and a big honkin' robot (Jet Jaguar, baybee!). Plus the plot seems completely insane, but seems to have something to do with predicting the future? And it looking bad? And stopping it? Seriously, the dialogue in just one 2-minute trailer contains phrases like: "A magic lamp that enables the impossible", "So it would be like if the universe never existed", and "Bones with a secret will". I am confident I have no idea what is happening, but it looks fun! It's also gorgeously animated, with plenty of movement, color and fun character designs. I'm pretty excited for this.


SPOTLIGHT

These are older EOINA-friendly releases that I personally recommend.

1st


Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (dir. Tim Burton)
Where: Hulu

Based on the musical by Stephen Sondheim and Hugh Wheeler, this is yet another Burton/Depp/Bonham Carter joint that hit me right before I began to find those to be really tedious and just has a special place in my esteem. I love musicals and genuinely enjoy this one which, like the best musicals, leans into the sort of silly, heightened unreality inherent in their nature. When I first moved to South Philly this was one of the handful of DVDs I had with me. It's got fantastic musical numbers and a great cast including the late great Alan Rickman. This is just a fun, splattery horror-adjacent flick with catchy tunes, over-the-top characters and a plot that doesn't really matter beyond tying all the characters together. And while I'll admit that most of my appreciation for this may be a sort of Stockholm Syndrome effect from having been without a lot of options that first summer in South Philly, I still think it's an enjoyable time.

Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (dir. Kevin Reynolds)
Where: HBO

Based on the Robin Hood stories, this one is just a big dumb joy to watch. Sure, Kevin Costner's accent is famously wishy-washy. Sure, there's some troubling characterizations and actions. Sure, Will Scarlett is just straight up Christian Slater at all times (also: his accent). But it kind of doesn't matter? Watching this feels like when the Looney Tunes would reappropriate a public domain story and imbue it with their particularly chaotic brand of energy while ostensibly existing in a different time or place. Plus, again: Alan Rickman! And the rest of the cast (Morgan Freeman! Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio! Michael McShane! Brian Blessed! Michael Wincott!) ain't half bad either. Above all though, it’s just really versatile: the action pops, the romance is sweeping, it dips its toe into horror with Mortianna (Geraldine McEwan) and the bit with the scar on the statue of the Sheriff of Nottingham (Rickman) is so funny that for years I thought it was from Men in Tights! A solid popcorn movie, and perfect for summer.


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There you have it, June 2021's EOINA. I hope you spotted something up there that you might not have been aware of or, dare I dream aloud, that my writing might have swayed you one direction or another. Either way, drop a comment below, or on social media and let's start a dialogue. Let's be friends through movies!

If you're looking for a podcast to listen to, might I suggest mine: Hate Watch/Great Watch, which I co host with Allison Yakulis, can be found right here on the MovieJawn Podcast Network. Right around the time you're reading this, our episode on the 1999 Shakespearian RomCom adaptation 10 Things I Hate About You should be available. I'd never actually seen it before, believe it or not, so give a listen to find out what I thought!

Until next time, Long Live the Movies!

EVERYTHING OLD IS NEW AGAIN - Vol. 27

EVERYTHING OLD IS NEW AGAIN
Vol. 27 - May 2021


By: Hunter Bush


Step right up! Step right up! Right his way, and welcome to another installment of EVERYTHING OLD IS NEW AGAIN, my column discussing upcoming movies & TV series through the lens of Adaptation, Remakes and the occasional Legacy Sequel. So if a movie (or series) is based on a previously existing intellectual property, I will endeavour to mention it here.



The way the column works, folks, is: I watch some trailers and, drawing on my lifetime of film watching experience, do my level best to give you an idea of what the movie (or series) is about. But that’s not all! I’ll attempt to give some context for the original property and maybe theorize about why this idea is coming around in this form, at this time. Finally I’ll let you know whether I personally am looking forward to this movie (or series). Howzabout that?

But wait! There’s more! Down at the bottom of the column is a SPOTLIGHT section, highlighting an EOINA-appropriate property that’s very good, it’s just not new this month! So follow me, right this way, to the hottest show in town!


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PREMIERS

There are all the movies (or series) premiering in May.

7th


Jupiter’s Legacy (series)
Where: Netflix

Based on the comic series by Mark Millar that deals with the concept of legacy (no surprise there) and the weight of responsibility, but told using superheroes, this series looks pretty good. Nice visuals, strong differentiation between characters, etc. The main ideological conflict seems to be between an older generation of super people - who we also see flashbacks of receiving their special abilities - and their children, the new generation. This concept is filled with potential but creator/comic author Mark Millar occasionally has some odd political viewpoints. As such, this seems to be leaning towards “The Olds are right and The Youth are frivolous” because we’ve got our Superman look-alike talking about that responsibility of legacy while the kids seem more interested in doing fashion photography. If the comic and this subsequent adaptation is genuinely expressing both sides of an ideological divide, I’ll be more interested in it than if it’s just a This Generation is Right and That One is Wrong screed. Of course, the trailer COULD be setting me up for a nice rope-a-dope. That IS a possibility. I’m hoping for the same level of melodrama as something like Riverdale, which understands how heightened it needs to be in order to work (also - read The Old Sport’s Riverdale Recaps). Though there is some of the prerequisite fist-fighting in the trailer, I got no real sense of what any physical altercations might be about. The majority of the dialogue is exploring that philosophical divide, which, as I said, I’m here for. Let’s see how this goes.

14th


Spiral: From the Book of Saw (dir. Darren Lynn Bousman)
Where: In theaters

A continuation of the franchise begun with James Wan & Leigh Whannell’s morality-death-trap obsessed Saw in 2003, this film takes place in Philadelphia! Therefore it is an automatic watch for me! But on top of that, it actually looks pretty great! Executive producer and star Chris Rock has been trying to get a project like this going for some time and I’m glad to see it happening here. Taking place some time after the original Jigsaw series of murders, a copycat has appeared, leaving a flash drive with a taunting message for detective Banks (Rock) that in some way involves his father (Samuel L. Jackson). The trailer seems to cover a lot of ground, with appearances from various death traps as well as the puppet and pig head mascots of the Jigsaw killer in addition to a marionette of a pig in a police uniform. There’s even a shot of Rock handcuffed to a pipe holding a hacksaw! A few years ago, I pulled my back out at work and ended up marathoning all the Saw movies (which at the time topped out at 7) and found that overall I really enjoyed the franchise and its determined efforts to twist back in on itself, altering things you thought you knew from the previous installments, even while I lamented their loss of the cohesive moral messaging that made the original feel so righteous. If this installment can maintain that kind of fleet-footed tone, while getting back to the series’ moral starting point, I’m all in. I’m still not gonna go to the theater for it though. Nah.


Those Who Wish Me Dead (dir. Taylor Sheridan)
Where: In theaters

Based on the novel by Michael Koryta, this flick looks rad! Angelina Jolie plays a fire marshall and/or forest ranger (I guess?) with survivor’s guilt who spots an injured kid (Finn Little) who is on the run from some possibly government affiliated bad guys who killed his dad and are now looking to do the same to him to tie up loose ends. Of course, given Jolie’s character’s backstory, they end up starting a forest fire to either drive them out or kill them. This looks extremely up my alley and about the only complaint I have with it is the shitbird remix of the Johnny Cash version of “God’s Gonna Cut You Down” where they added a thumpy drum thing to the rhythm of Queen’s “We Will Rock You” for some ungodly reason? Why do this? Hollywoo’: Stop Doing This! Either find a song that fits or just use an instrumental. It’s not quite as bad as that Breathy Acoustic Covers of Popular Songs thing that was happening ad nauseum a few years back, but it’s still not what I’d call Good. Those Who Wish Me Dead however, looks fun as hell and I definitely will see it. Just not in theaters yet though. Nah.


The Woman in the Window (dir. Joe Wright)
Where: Netflix

Based on the novel by A.J. Finn, this was all set for release last year before *gestures at everything for the last 14 months* so now it’s coming to Netflix. And honestly? That rules because this looks like a really decent thriller! Agoraphobic Amy Adams sees the murder of her neighbor across the way, Jane (Julianne Moore) from the window of her apartment, only to be told by Moore’s husband (Gary Oldman) that Adams has never met his wife. Another woman then appears claiming to be the real Jane and then the authorities start doubting Adams’ claims. This has a LOT of strong, very creepy vibes, like when Adams opens an email to find a photo of her sleeping. Imagine how terrifying that feeling is, then multiply it by the factor of ten that comes with her apartment being the ONLY place she feels safe! That’s good stuff, emotionally! There’s also a strong visual sense to this one (Adams’ meds can cause hallucinations, so that gives director Joe Wright a lot of room to play) AND the cast features Anthony Mackie and Wyatt Russell, both recently of Falcon and the Winter Soldier, among others. This looks like a good time and if the worst thing about it is that it’s a competently shot Rear Window meets Copycat knock off with a stacked cast, that’s really not so bad, right?

P.S. - Remember Copycat, where Sigourney Weaver is an agoraphobic CSI specialist being targeted from jail by Harry Connick Jr. with janky “white trash” teeth? That’s a good time.

21st


Marvel’s M.O.D.O.K. (series)
Where: Hulu

This stop-motion styled sitcom take on the Marvel comics character created by Stan Lee & Jack Kirby in 1967 looks really silly and fun! MODOK (Patton Oswalt) is a would-be world conquering super villain by day and a family man by night. Yes he’s got a giant head and floats around in a hover-throne, commanding hordes of henchmen but he’s also trying to save his marriage. Or at least retain custody of his kids. This is fertile ground for a comedy show, especially with this voice cast (which includes Whoopie Goldberg, Jon Hamm, Bill Hader & Nathan Fillion) and while the toyetic look of the series might not be everyone’s thing, I’m definitely onboard.

28th


Cruella (dir. Craig Gillespie)
Where: In theaters and Disney+ Pay-Even-More Access tier

Based on the 1961 animated film One Hundred and One Dalmatians, this isn’t the first project to spin off from the property. It had a long-gap animated sequel in 2003, a 1996 live action adaptation with its own sequel, and a pair of animated TV series that ran from 1997-1998 and 2019-2020 respectively! That’s a lot of dogs. Which brings me to my next point: Woof. This looks atrocious. Remember in Clueless, when Cher tells Tai “She’s like a full-on Monet. From far away it’s okay, but up close it’s a big ol’ mess”? That’s how I feel with Cruella. The closer I look, the worse it all is. Do we need another movie that humanizes one of Disney’s best-known, least sympathetic villains (following in the footsteps of the Maleficent films of course)? How about if it’s a straight-up rip off of The Devil Wears Prada, but with a dash of The Joker thrown in? And, y’know what, let’s also steal the setting-your-clothes-on-fire-to-make-an-entrance bit from The Hunger Games? Why not? I am not on board with anything about this beyond the look - the costumes and outfits are fantastic! So Disney is just going full Style Over Substance then, yeah? Basically reversing the polarity on the ethos that earned them their reputation (not to mention All. That. Cash.)? Count me out.


SPOTLIGHT

Films (or series) that are EOINA-appropriate but not exactly new.

1st:


The Towering Inferno (dir. John Guillermin)
Where: Amazon Prime

Combining elements of TWO novels - The Tower by Richard Martin Stern and The Glass Inferno by Thomas N. Scotia and Frank M. Robinson - this flick essentially invented the concept of star-studded disaster flick, paving the way for every ensemble cast that followed after. The pacing might be a little pokey for modern audiences, but once things stop simmering, they basically never slow down until the end! This perfectly handles the rising action that so many other flicks fumble. Something is always going wrong, but almost never in the way you might expect! I fully recommend watching this if you never have.


The Iron Giant (dir. Brad Bird)

Where: Hulu

Based on the 1968 novel The Iron Man by Ted Hughes, I recommend this to anybody at any time. Gorgeously animated, wonderfully odd with a truly beautiful message, this is also the movie that introduced the world to Vin Diesel. Groot himself! The “Fambly” Man! The Iron Giant, as a character, has been popping up recently now that all intellectual properties are owned by only a handful of corporations and he’s constantly kicking ass and taking names ...which is 100% the opposite of that character’s ENTIRE THING! So if you, like me, watched Ready Player One out of morbid curiosity and found yourself infuriated and sickened, maybe watch or rewatch The Iron Giant to remind yourself of how good things can be sometimes, when they’re NOT owned by a mega-corporation that has a hole full of money where its heart should be.

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About a week after this drops, I’ll be getting my 2nd vaccination shot and eventually hope to return to some kind of normalcy but it won’t be quite yet. I’m glad that some of these long-in-Limbo films are getting released but there is literally NOTHING that I want less than to be in a crowded theater full of strangers. But that’s just me. I hope you’re all getting vaxxed, and staying safe, and taking care of yourself and others.

That’s all for this month, folks! Thanks as always for reading! Check out a recent episode of Hate Watch/Great Watch, the podcast I co-host with Allison Yakulis, which is not only our Two Years On-the-Air Anniversary, but covers the entire Beethoven film franchise! Until next time - don’t take any wooden nickels and Long Live the Movies!

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This piece was written for Moviejawn where you can find tons of other excellent movie-centric writings, a shop where you can subscribe to the quarterly physical zine and also listen to the  I Saw It In a Movie,  Cinematic Crypt  or  Hate Watch / Great Watch  podcasts!

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