KRAVEN THE HUNTER (2024)

Kraven the Hunter
Directed by J.C. Chandor
Written by Richard Wenk and Art Marcum & Matt Holloway
Starring Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Russell Crowe, Alessandro Nivola, Ariana DeBose, Fred Hechinger
Running time 2 hours and 7 minutes
Rated R by the MPA for strong bloody violence, and language
In theaters December 13

by "Doc" Hunter Bush, Staff Writer and Podcast Director

Everyone hoping for a threepeat embarrassing failure like Morbius and Madame Web can put their knives away. Kraven has plenty of knives already.

Drawing on Richard Connell's 1924 short story The Most Dangerous Game-- the ur text for all human-hunting in popular culture-- the comicbook character Kraven was introduced in the early '60s as a villain for Spider-Man. The nepo baby son of a Russian crimelord, the man known as Kraven was a big game hunter who came to New York to hunt Spidey; decidedly a greater challenge than your average man. Over the years, Kraven has died, been resurrected, passed down the mantle to his assorted kids, and occasionally united with heroes against greater threats.

The Sony/Columbia/Marvel version of the character is, much like Venom (and to a lesser extent, Morbius), playing up the character's few moments of vigilante antiheroism. Aaron Taylor-Johnson's Kraven is a man who rejects his father's evil empire, and the assumption that he would one day grow to take it over. He lives alone on some family land in Siberia, keeping his animal friends safe from poachers and occasionally hunting down evil men like his father-- but importantly, NOT his father.

In the sixteen years since he left home, he's gotten in incredible shape, and become a bit of a crime world urban legend: The Hunter. Hmm... a well-traveled rich kid with mommy/daddy damage uses his privilege and fortune to strike fear into the heart of criminals as a mononymed boogeyman... That's correct, studious reader, Sony are trying to have their cake (Spider-Man related audience recognition and draw) and eat it too (but he's Batman).

In their desire to make a more grounded Nolan-like superhero film, they have actually concocted a decent narrative with battling crime families and a good deal of satisfying violence. Dead meat goons are exsanguinated by blades, fall victim to traps and poisons, and one notably gets split in half! There is CGI bloodmist aplenty! Kraven, like a certain bat-themed gentleman, doesn't use guns. He drops a throw-away explanatory line about a true hunter "only using what you were born with", but then constantly uses knives, arrows, and other weapons he was not born with to kill his 'prey'. That self-owning tendency for screenwriters Richard Wenk, Art Marcum, and Matt Holloway to try to justify or explain everything is indicative of the big problem with Kraven as a film: it's trying SO HARD that it distracts from the fun you're having.

That's been an issue with all of Sony's non-Venom projects: the movies are so concerned with making the audience take silly stuff seriously, and promising future installments that they fail to properly embrace the silliness and make a truly engaging movie NOW, paradoxically ensuring that these promised future films never get made. Where Kraven stands apart is the movie happening now-- squished in between abundant backstory and a good deal of the aforementioned Sony Franchise Assurance Sickness©-- is actually good. It is at least not bad and it's nowhere near the disasters that Morbius (2022) and Madame Web (2024) were.

Aaron Taylor-Johnson is fun here, and carries the self-seriousness of this character pretty well. This shouldn't be a shock as ATJ has been regularly bringing it for years now, but I was pleasantly surprised by some supporting performances. Russell Crowe is, of course, doing his Russell Crowe thing-- which lately has consisted of being the only man Hollywood thinks can do an accent-- but it works just fine. Fred Hechinger as Kraven's cowering half-brother Dmitri gave me all the enjoyment of twitchy, early Joaquin Phoenix (a good thing); Alessandro Nivola makes a meal and a half out of his nascent crime lord with a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde condition; and Ariana DeBose does a fantastic job making her somewhat under-written occultist/lawyer play as really likable.

Yes, "occultist/lawyer". I told you there was silliness-- it's comicbooks, the silliness is implied!-- but even at Kraven's lowest points, it's just a bit corny. At the high points, it's really fun. ATJ doing parkour down the side of a luxury hotel, or throwing spears through a helicopter, or reading license plates from blocks away using his predator-vision-- like, in the bird of prey sense, not the Predator film series sense, even though that one does have its own famous POV-- it's the kind of cinematic junk food that appeals to me as a fan of genre silliness like Crank 2 (2009) or Face/Off (1997).

Ultimately, Kraven the Hunter is perfectly fine. Good, even. It could be better, but as we are well aware, it could have been SO MUCH worse. In a way, that's the greatest disappointment of the film as an object. Sony have apparently called it quits on their Spider-Man spin-off universe, so their delivering a half-decent offering feels like when your ex gives you a gift they bought before your split. Bittersweet. I'd sure enjoy this a lot more if I didn't know things were over.

Kraven the Hunter is in Theaters Friday, Dec. 13th, 2024

As a silly little bonus thing, here's a drawing I did of Kraven back in 2014:

FILW Trios Championship recap (March 2023)

Flickering Image League Wrestling
Trios Tag Team Championship Match

Crimes of Passion pay-per-view recap

By Hunter Bush & Bryan Bierman

It was a result few wanted, but it’s the one we got.

Monsters Inc. have captured the FILW Trios Tag Titles from the grasping hands of The Three Amigos last night at the Crimes of Passion pay-per-view event in Mahoning, PA, after a hard-fought and bloody match. After largely being kept out of action on the ring apron, Nacho headed up a tenacious offense that rallied the crowd and his stable mates, but was ultimately outgunned by their hard-hitting opponents and pinned. Many in attendance voiced their displeasure and a rain of half-empty soda and nacho cheese cups fell upon the celebrating trio.

The FILW Trios Tag Championship belts had been held for 267 days by the Mega Mountain faction composed of Thunderlips, Rip Thomas, and Sean Armstrong. After claiming them at the Judgement Night ppv (Augusta, GA) in June 2022, the trio cut a bloody swath through the competition, frequently ending matches with their trademark three-man powerbomb, High Noon at Mega Mountain. Unfortunately, injuries suffered at the Tuff Turf ppv (Boston, MA) in the beginning of this year required the titles to be vacated. An eight team iron man elimination tournament was held at last month’s Rumble in the Bronx ppv (New York, NY), setting the card for last night’s match.

Monsters Inc. formed in 2022 when former singles wrestler Bonesaw McGraw joined the imposing but rarely dominant tag team of the Revolting Blob and Captain Insano, then known as Better Off Dead. Taking the name Monsters Inc., the injection of new blood revitalized and refocused the former BOD, and the trio actually challenged for the Trios belts but were soundly beaten by Mega Mountain. This led them down a dark path and every victory they have accrued since has been marred by underhanded tactics and copious cheating.

The Three Amigos had each individually been languishing on the singles circuit before forming as a surprise entry into the elimination bracket at Rumble in the Bronx. Randy the Ram was a near-superstar in the 1980s but a string of injuries and a spotty attendance record had robbed him of his glory in the intervening years. Jimmy King was much more recently a champion but hadn’t held a title since the 2000s. The lucha libre wrestler Nacho, a comparative newcomer, has quickly become a fan favorite but still hadn’t managed to make much headway as a singles competitor. Somehow, at Rumble in the Bronx, their multigenerational mix of styles and talents allowed them to persevere throughout the night and emerge as the favored team to take the titles.

Randy the Ram and Bonesaw opened last night’s match, drawing on their brief history in the mid-’90s at another promotion, the highlight being Randy delivering his signature Ram Jam diving headbutt from the top rope that sent Bonesaw into the opposite corner. Jimmy King and the Revolting Blob engaged in a decent if unremarkable stretch of technical wrestling before King failed to connect with his Crown maneuver (a double axe handle strike). Tagging in, Capt. Insano showed no mercy, opening up a can whoop-ass on King with his giant fists, leaving King bloodied and gassed in the center of the ring.

Bonesaw baited Randy to the top of the ramp and the Blob kept Nacho busy, pulling him down off of the ring apron and sitting on his head at the moment that King was able to rally enough to attempt the tag. Eventually the tag was made and the crowd popped to their feet. The David vs Goliath visual of Nacho squaring off against Insano, the smallest and largest of the six men respectively, is quite a sight. Nacho held his own, wearing Insano down and allowing King to catch his breath before the two men tagged and traded opponents, with Nacho diving majestically down on the Blob, still on the outside, and a bloodied, screaming King delivering the Crown to Insano.

The cheers from the crowd were deafening, but short-lived as Insano used his massive form to block the view of the referee while Bonesaw and Blob double teamed Nacho before dragging him and a badly battered Randy back into the ring and delivering their version of Mega Mountain’s triple powerbomb finisher. King ate the pin and the new Trios Champions were presented with their belts.

With Wrestlevania looming in the near future (June 6th, 6 PM at Philadelphia PA’s 2300 Arena; tickets still available), it’s interesting to see where things stand with the titles. Monsters Inc. ending the match with Mega Mountain’s finisher is an obvious taunt, and could lead to the former champions returning to reclaim their titles as underdogs. It’ll be interesting to see what, if anything happens with the Three Amigos. They’re obvious fan favorites but it’s unclear if they’ll even remain a team. I guess we’ll see at the Wild at Heart ppv in April (Missoula, MT; tickets still available).

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This piece was written for MovieJawn, a fabulous site where you can find tons of other excellent movie-centric writings, a shop where you can subscribe to the quarterly physical zine, or listen to me on the  Hate Watch/Great Watch  podcast! Support the MovieJawn Patreon here!

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EVERYTHING OLD IS NEW AGAIN VOL. 35 - January 2022

Everything Old Is New Again
Vol. 35 - January 2022

By: Hunter Bush

Happy New Year, y’all! I hope that as you’re reading this you are filled with an overabundance of joy and hope and other warm, squishy feelings towards the year stretched out ahead of you. I hope I am too. As you may or may not know, I write these up a li’l bit in advance, so it’s actually the Christmas weekend for me and lemme tell you all: I. Am. Tired.

This year, like the last couple, has really worn me down. Is this normal? I frequently wonder if, like going through puberty, this general, directionless, soul-crushingly grey ennui I’ve been feeling is just A THING that everybody goes through as they age. But I don’t think so. I think we really are trapped in a terrible universe from which there is no escape. There’s no killswitch for it. All we can do is try our best to do what we can to improve our quality of life. Not just our own, but of others.

As I write this, yet another strain of the covid virus is sweeping the nation like a shitty, life ruining Beatlemania that you can’t even dance to. My day job has me interacting with the public and I see so, so many people that are seemingly unconcerned with what is obviously happening all around. It’s …disheartening to say the least.

So let me be Stern Lecture Guy once again and plead with anyone reading this to: get vaxxed, get boosted, stay socially distance as much as humanly possible, wear a mask (or two) when you DO go out there, and keep your distance from most people. I mean, I get it. We all wanna fuck, and see our friends and loves ones, and go to the movies, and all that but like - is it worth it? Let’s all get big into astral projection, physical media, and tantric masturbation and see if we can change the world! But I digress.

All of this above is to say: It’s the end of the year, a long and exhausting year, and I’m phoning this one in a little bit. We’ve got three major new releases that fit into the Everything Old Is New Again mold - meaning they are based upon some form of previously existing Intellectual Property, whether it be some other form of media or even an older movie of some variety - and I’ve found a few older films that fit in as well to SPOTLIGHT if you’re looking for something fun.

Let’s take care of each other in 2022, hunh? Okay, here we go:

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PREMIERS

New films coming to screens this January

13th

Peacemaker (series)
Where: HBO max

I dunno about y’all but I really enjoyed James Gunn’s The Suicide Squad (2021), both on its own merits (Weird characters! Great performances! Big starfish alien kaiju!) and also as an antidote to the self serious, grim ‘n’ gritty version from David Ayer that preceded it in 2016. But honestly, that’s such a low bar. It’s hard to pinpoint certain characters in Gunn’s flick as “standouts” over others really, but as a lover of professional wrestlers in films, John Cena’s turn as Peacemaker comes close. A man so hell bent for leather over the concept of peace that he ends up becoming the worst apple in a bunch of killers and lunatics (and one man-shark), PM ended that film getting the Million Dollar Man treatment (no, this time I’m not talking about wrestlers - he was rescued from a collapsed building a nursed back to health, presumably by his gov’t overseers). This series finds him slightly introspective after the whole experience, returning home to  talk to his father (Robert Patrick!) and making friends with a fellow vigilante, named appropriately enough Vigilante (Freddie Stroma) and some other non-super people. I’m not exactly sure what this group (which seem, only slightly beyond being a neighborhood watch) are up against - there’s some potentially mind-controlled/possessed/etc behavior from people in the trailer and a shot of what look like a hundred tiny spaceships landing, so… more aliens? Doesn’t really matter though, I guess. All I’m looking for from this is to have a good time and John Cena with a CGI eagle (that I THINK is named Eagly?!?) would seem to foot that bill perfects.

14th

Scream 5 (dir. Matt Bettinelli-Olpin, Tyler Gillett)
Where: in theaters

I’ve praised the original Scream (directed by Wes Craven, released in 1996) for initiating me into horror before - listen to Hate Watch/Great Watch episode 10 for instance - so I won’t go into the whole thing again, but needless to say I hold the original in very high regard. So I won’t lie to you when I say I am not excited for this legacy sequel. I’m not against the proposal entirely, but if we’re going to go back to Woodsboro, back to the original cast (Neve Campbell, David Arquette, Courtney Cox, possibly more?), I just want to feel like the film is going to have something to say. To that end, the trailer footage I’ve seen really doesn’t deliver. I see teens getting sliced up, a modern technology twist on the classic Drew Barrymore cold open, and a lot of familiar faces. I don’t really want to get into the whole Who Could Be Behind The Mask of it all, despite that being most of what the marketing is hanging its hat on, because I feel like the movie should have more meat on its bones than that. To really be worth doing after all this time, I’m going to need more than just some aggrieved acquaintance from somewhere back in the previous four films who’s got an axe to grind. I mean, that CAN be who’s behind it, but it’s got to really MEAN something more. For that reason, I’m interested to hear what the reactions to this are like.

28th

Morbius (dir. Daniel Espinosa)
Where: in theaters

Jared Leto has to be one of the worst people around right? I mean, not at the level of like Joe Rogan or Jeff Bezos or whatever, he’s not evil (I don’t think) he’s just The Worst. Obnoxious. Takes himself too seriously. He’s the kind of “method” actor who completely misunderstands the point of The Method and instead just acts like an asshat all the time. So anyway, here he plays Michael Morbius, a doctor afflicted with a rare blood disease who decides to use vampire bats to cure himself. Michael Morbius is a villain/antihero from the Spider-Man comics and the whole “I’ll use ___ animal to cure myself” line of logic is pretty prevalent there. So of course, what happens but Mikey becomes Morbius the Living Vampire, which means he’s not technically undead but he still has all kinds of vampirish superpowers and needs that sweet vein gravy like all good vampires do. It’s not super clear why, but at some point he’s imprisoned (and passes by Michael Keaton, but put a pin in that for a second) and then escapes and is wanted by like a whole strike team for whatever reason (maybe just crimes? Or maybe also experimentation? Or maybe for being Jared Leto?) So, having not seen the most recent Spider-Man, I’m unclear on the state of the Sony Spider-Man Continuity. There’s a whole complicated legal history between Marvel/Disney and Sony over the legal Spider-rights and the two seem to have repeatedly reached agreements allowing Spidey to appear in the MCU while Sony holds onto certain other characters (including notably Venom). That most recent Spidey movie No Way Home has both cinematic universes collapsing and intermingling and whatnot, so when Michael Keaton shows up, I’m guessing he’s reprising his role as Adrian Toomes/The Vulture? But there’s anti-Spider-Man graffiti on the wall in the background of a shot, and I’m not sure exactly which Spider-Man that is - Tobey Maguire, Andrew Garfield, Tom Holland, or god forbid yet another one). Regardless, this trailer has my attention because it’s different. Adding a vampire (strongly mystical/magical) to the largely sci-fi Sony Spider-Man film franchise could be a lot of fun. The cast certainly doesn’t hurt, as it includes Tyrese, Jared Harris, and Matt Smith. And for what its worth I think Leto is perfectly cast here because much like a vampire, he totally sucks.

SPOTLIGHT

Not new releases, but still EOINA material worth checking out

3rd

Blood For Dracula (dir. Paul Morrissey)
Where: Shudder

This adaptation and elaboration upon the character of Dracula - created by Bram Stoker in 1897 - find Drac not fairing very well. Played by a young and oddly beautiful Udo Kier, Drac has travelled to an Italian villa under the auspices of finding a “marryable” (read: virgin) wife. In this version, he can only drink virgins’ blood or else fall violently and (spoilers: hilariously) ill. The villa is home to three sisters and Joe Dallesandro, playing a worker who has lived on the grounds his entire life. I know this all sounds fairly standard, but I cannot stress enough how entertaining it is as a trash fire. Dallesandro is very good looking, but he has a THICC east coast accent, so his casting as a lifelong Italian worker/Marxist is absolutely hysterical!

Apocryphally, Andy Warhol (famed photographer/artist/personality and producer on this film) fell in love with Dallesandro and thought he could be the Next Big Thing, recommending him for this role and his performance, while completely serviceable, gets completely lost in the cacophony of accents. While most of the rest of the cast are European, and speak thusly, Dallesandro chews through his dialogue with a real Brooklyn swagger. When one of the sisters - who has been sleeping with Dallesandro’s Mario - explains that Dracula is “looking to marry a virgin”, Mario responds “Then what’s he doin’ wit yew two hoo-ers?” and, readers: I died. I laughed so hard I gave myself a headache.

It absolutely rules. It’s not Kevin Costner and his wishy-washy Robin of Locksley dialect from Prince of Thieves; no one is trying to “fool” you into thinking Dallesandro is actually Italian. It’s more like watching an amazing community theater performance recorded for all time. It’s punk rock and I love it. The film itself is absolutely fine, but what makes it a must watch is the execution; the sheer DIY who-cares-lets-just-do-it gusto of the production. Watch it.

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Thank you for reading. I hope, as I said above, that the coming year treats us all better than the year behind us. I’ll be back next month for more and, Satan willing, I’ll have more energy, more vitriol, more verve. Fingers crossed!

Thanks as always to MovieJawn for hosting and posting. If you’d like to read more from me you can find me all around the MJ site, OR you can listen to the Hate Watch/Great Watch podcast which I cohost with Allison Yakulis. Coming up in January we’ve got an episode on the 1996 Schwarzenegger meta action send-up Last Action Hero with returning guest Celso Garcia. It’ll be fun, just tune in.

Until next time - Long Live the Movies!

EVERYTHING OLD IS NEW AGAIN Vol. 34 - December 2021

EVERYTHING OLD IS NEW AGAIN

Vol. 34 - December, 2021

By: “Doc” Hunter Bush, Podcast Czar

Oh boy. Let me just unbuckle my belt here a moment. I’m still full from Friendsgiving. Hope everybody had a nice time at their respective ‘sgivings, and I hope you’re gearing up for another, equally nice end of the year couple of holidays. Or failing that, just maybe some quiet time off. That sounds pretty good, eh?

Well here at Everything Old Is New Again, we’re down with down time, so long as its spend with a movie or TV series (and, following protocol, that it be based on some pre-existing concept, movie, book, or what have you). Being the end of the year, there are slightly fewer offerings, BUT they’re pretty big draws.

Why not just dive in?

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PREMIERS

Flicks coming to screens great and small this month

17th

Nightmare Alley (dir. Guillermo del Toro)

Where: Netflix

I’m pretty in the pocket for Guillermo del Toro. I love the man; his enthusiasm for monsters, film, genre trappings, and romance. And he just seems so huggable, y’know? So I’ll definitely be checking this out. Luckily, it’s the kind of movie that would catch my interest regardless of pedigree. Based on a 1946 novel by William Lindsay Gresham (and having previously been adapted in ‘47 as a noir film starring Tyrone Power) Nightmare Alley is about a conman (Bradley Cooper) in a relationship with a therapist (Cate Blanchette) who swindles a tycoon (Richard Jenkins) out of money promising to reunite him with his long-dead sweetheart, only for the con to go wrong and leave him with no option but to go on the run. I love the circus, and circus stories (Katherine Dunn’s Geek Love is a favorite book of mine), and why wouldn’t I? The circus is everything I love: rubes happily being conned by charlatans, and outcasts given a place where they’re the stars. I feel like these are things GdT enjoys as well (call it an extremely educated guess) as well as stories that ask you to consider just who is manipulating whom? Who is the conman and who is the mark; and is there a difference in the methods if the end result is the same? Plus - lots of cool sideshow folks and special effects! Like I said, I’m already in the pocket for this one. Still not going to a theater, but I’ll catch it as soon as I can.

I also intend to watch the original, which I’ve never seen.

Spider-Man: No Way Home (dir. Jon Watts)

Where: In theaters

The Tom Holland Spider-Man has been a pretty consistent high point in the MCU for me. The tone is usually pretty breezy and except for the inevitable shared-ultiversal creep at the edges, the stories are of a nice scale. In fact the thing I didn’t enjoy about that last Spidey flick was when it tried to get too Big Picture. “Save that for those Avengers movies!”, I practically shouted. Well my metaphorical cries fell on deaf ears as it seems this latest film is all about ~tHe MuLtIvErSe~ but not in a fun, no-strings-attached way like Into the Spider-Verse (where you were given all you NEEDED to know about the characters in relatively slim, well-crafted punches of backstory and worldbuilding). NoNoNO! This seems to be done in the aggravating You-Better-Remember-Every-Relevant-Thing-About-ALL-The-Different-Spiders-Men style that the recent MCU films have been grinding my mind to dust with. You, and I, should be able to pop in an MCU movie with no idea of who these characters are and not be brow-beaten into caring about artificial stakes.  *sigh*

This is the same complaint I have all the time and I’m sorry you have to keep reading it. I’ll move along: if you’re a huge Spidey fan, this kind of looks fun: because of a botched magic spell, ~ThE mUlTiVeRsE~ is beginning to encroach on the regular universe, meaning all kind of villains from previous interpretations of Spider-Man are appearing and attacking Tom Holland, despite the number of logical fallacies (that I’m sure will be hand-waved away) that we’re supposed to ignore in exchange for the ecstasy of seeing Willam Dafoe, Jamie Foxx, Alfred Molina (and perhaps more?) reprising their roles in the current MCU.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  I DO like that Molina’s Doctor Octopus seems to become a reluctant ally to Tom Holland’s Spidey, and that there is a metatextual commentary on how these villains all seem to die by Spidey’s hands (because of lazy writing and contract negotiations presumably). I’m sure this will be fun enough, but my enthusiasm for these lore-heavy entertainments is really waning.

21st

Being the Ricardos (dir. Aaron Sorkin)

Where: In theaters / Amazon Prime

This is an odd one. It’s not based on any specific property, but it is inspired by real events from the life of Lucille Ball wherein she was believed to be affiliated with the Communist party apparently without her knowledge or consent. The thing that keeps kicking around my head is “Why now?” Is this a story we’re just dying to have recounted? Is there some specific resonance that this story will have in the larger world at this time? I mean, I know there are more than the usual amount of people discussing Communism right now (mostly because of a misunderstanding of Socialism) but like: ok. So on to the big question: How good do they look? And the answer is …ok. Javier Bardem just isn’t gonna look like Desi Arnaz. Ain’t gonna happen. Nicole Kidman on the other hand, makes a decent Lucy so long as she’s speaking or doing something. Weirdly however, this trailer has a fair amount of Lucy standing still, staring into the middle distance. This is an odd thing especially from writer/director Aaron Sorkin who is primarily known for having his characters walking while talking. Overall though, the effect is like seeing your pals’ couples Halloween costumes: separately you might not recognize them, but side-by-side you totally get it. I will say that Kidman really seems to have a handle on Lucy’s mannerisms and voice. I’m intellectually curious about this one.

22nd

The Matrix: Resurrections (dir. Lana Wachowski)

Where: In theaters

In 1999, the Wachowskis unleashed The Matrix and, for good or ill, culture was never the same. There are a lot of arguments about whether or not art can be interpreted wrong (beauty being in the eye of the beholder and all that) but I think it’s safe to say that if you were going to prove that, The Matrix would be a good place to start building your argument. And then there were two sequels which, while interesting, largely suck. When I heard there was a new installment in the works, I was uninterested/exasperated but I’ve got to tell you, that trailer really got me. So. It seems Mr. Anderson (Keanu Reeves) now going by “Thomas”, is back inside the titular Matrix, being kept sedated with a steady dose of prescription blue pills from his therapist (played by Neil Patrick Harris wearing symbolically blue glasses) but, since he’s The One, he’s able to sense the edges of his reality. Somehow, he bumps into Trinity (Carrie-Anne Moss) and the resonant harmony of their two souls will awaken yadda yadda yadda.

This is the thing about the Wachowskis: I agree with their POV and enjoy their ideas and world building, but they tend to overstuff their projects with concepts that never seem fully realized (because they don’t often get enough space to do that) so after a while I get a little eye-rolly about it all. To be clear, this is a failing of me or at most a greater failing of me in response to a lesser failing of them. However it happens, “Thomas” will have to relearn all the stuff he once knew and (educated guess) die to pass on the One-ness to either a new One or All Of Humanity, and along the way there will be CGI augmented kung fu and action scenes galore. The thing that absolutely rules about the first Matrix Res trailer is the remix of Jefferson Airplane’s White Rabbit, which is chopped and screwed in a way that I would normally find a little tedious UNTIL they added in Don Davis’ score from the original Matrix (that sharp little repetitive strings part) at the crescendo. It legitimately gave me chills. Fun fact: I knew that one of the Wachowskis wasn’t involved in the production here, but I’m so used to thinking of them as a pair that I couldn’t remember if it was Lilly or Lana (it’s Lilly btw, and I hope she eventually returns to filmmaking if that’s something she wants to do) but I noticed on IMDb that Christina Ricci will be appearing in this?!?! Sold. I know she was in Speed Racer so it’s not a left field casting choice or cameo appearance or whichever, I’m just always so glad to see her in stuff! Big fan.

29th

The Book of Boba Fett (series)

Where: Disney+

Let me guide you on a journey. Not through Star Wars’ history as an extant property; we’re all sick and tired of that. Instead let me guide you through my emotional journey with regards to Boba Fett. Of course I thought he was cool when I was a kid and he was a crummy little barely-mobile toy that I inherited from my older cousins when they went to college. First of all he looks cool: cool helmet, rocket backpack, the whole shebang. Secondly, in the movies he’s barely there, so you can project all sorts of cool concepts and theories onto him. He was strategically used to better the larger project. He was essentially the Chandler* of the Star Wars universe.

* Chandler from Friends, played by Matthew Perry, but specifically the Chandler from the first 2-ish seasons when all he did was pop into a scene, make some jokes and leave. Before they decided to develop him into a “real character” and he just became tedious.

Cut ahead to the Mouse House Mega Corporation announcing a series called The Mandalorian. Having been inundated with innumerable “Boba Fett is the best character in Star Wars” nonsense takes for decades, I was underwhelmed. BUT THEN. I found out it would be following a NEW character and I was intrigued. Cautiously optimistic, even. Then, watching the show for 2 seasons, becoming invested in the characters and what do they do? They slip Boba-ass Fett into the story AND they do it in such a way that I kind of fall in love with the character all over again. They made him a paunchy, older, war vet who can still whoop a bunch of ass! That’s kind of great! Then they announced the next season of The Manda will actually be a spin-off following Fett and I was kind of hesitant again. I’m worried that they’ll make him into late-period Friends style Chandler and he’ll overstay his welcome (AND start dating Monica? Sheesh, they really found that barrel bottom quick hunh? But I digress) This brings us pretty well up to date.

What’s really interesting about the Book of Boba Tea is that it looks like they’re kind of setting up a mafia style, Unite-The-Families story, which hasn’t really been seen in a galaxy far, far away. I’m all for the tonal experimentation here. The Mandalorian is a straight-up western transposed to this setting and it satisfies in both regards, so I’m really excited for The Godfather but in space. Added Bonus: Jennifer Beals is going to be playing an as yet unnamed character (though in the trailer you can see she’s a Twi’lek, which are the aliens with two long wormy tentacles coming off their heads) and, having just watched Flashdance for the most recent episode of Hate Watch/Great Watch, I’m kind of all in on Ms. Beals right now.

SPOTLIGHT

Recommended movies that, though not exactly new, still meet EOINA criteria

1st

12 Strong: The Declassified True Story of the Horse Soldiers (a.k.a. Them Horse Boyz) (dir. Nicolai Fuglsig)

Where: HBOmax

I actually covered this one way, way back for MovieJawn and, while it’s not a GREAT movie (not NEARLY enough Michael Shannon for starters), it’s a pretty entertaining time and when I saw it was gonna be streaming I got genuinely excited to rewatch it. It has some solid action scenes, an unusual story and a decent cast: besides “Big Chicago” Michael Shannon and lead Horse Boy Chris Hemsworth, there’s Michael Peña, William Fichtner and Rob Riggle! Like I said, it won’t blow your hair back but it might be the perfect thing for a lazy Sunday around the holidays.

The Legend of Zorro (dir. Martin Campbell)

Where: Netflix

Antonio Banderas returns as Don Alejandro de la Vega a.k.a. Zorro, having inherited the big Z from Anthony Hopkins in the previous installment The Mask of Zorro. BUT. If you think having not seen that first film will hinder your understanding or enjoyment of watching Banderas and on screen wife Catherine Zeta-Jones buckle a bunch of swash, you’d be wrong. I haven’t seen it in a l-o-n-g time, but I remember enjoying it.

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Well that about wraps her up for this month, and the year! Thank you for reading, as always, and thanks to MovieJawn for hosting & posting. Please support the MovieJawn Patreon because it helps keep things running smoothly AND as an added bonus, you’ll get access to lots of fun bonus stuff, so: win/win. 

If you’d like to hear more from me, you can find me all around the MovieJawn site, and on every episode of Hate Watch/Great Watch, which I cohost alongside Allison Yakulis. In December, we’ve got episodes on 1974’s porno parody Flesh Gordon, 1983’s aforementioned Flashdance, and 2003’s messy adaptation of Stephen King’s Dreamcatcher!

Until next time, remember: Boba Fett is the Chandler of Star Wars!

And: Long Live the Movies!

EVERYTHING OLD IS NEW AGAIN 10

Hello again and welcome back to Everything Old is New Again, the column where I write about the movies & series coming to screens of all sizes in the next two months, but specifically the ones based on some previously-existing work, intellectual property or franchise. I also included two movies coming to limited release based on true stories because, cynic that I am, I question the ethics of releasing these stories Right Now. But we'll get there.

EVERYTHING OLD IS NEW AGAIN 6

Well this is it, gang. The final EOINA of the year. Jesum Crow, 2018 really feels like it's been a lot longer than standard year-length, doesn't it? I know it's been especially rough for some of us, but writing these columns for y'all is, honestly, a highlight for me. A somewhat stressful highlight, I won't lie, but a highlight just the same. So thank you, as ever, for reading.