EVERYTHING OLD IS NEW AGAIN, Vol. 22 - December 2020

Everything OId Is New Again
Vol. 22 - December 2020

by Hunter Bush


Greetings, greetings! One and all! Welcome to another installment of EVERYTHING OLD IS NEW AGAIN, the column where I scan the horizon for upcoming film & TV projects based in some way on previously existing concepts. If it’s inspired by a book, or a modern update of an earlier film, or one of those long gap sequels, then it’s definitely EOINA material! Since we’ve all been spending a lot more time indoors, I’ve also taken to listing the EONIA-friendly titles that will be arriving on certain streaming services. They might not be new releases but hey, in a pinch they’ll do just fine.

Before we move on, I’d just like to take a second to mourn the passing of my local multiplex, the Regal/United Artists Riverview Plaza, a.k.a. The Riverview. I had already seen so many movies there in my lifetime that it would be impossible to keep track and that was before I moved to a place about 15 minutes’ walk away. I attended special screenings, limited engagement showings and organized group outings of friends. I even saw Speed Racer there, high on acid with my best friend and though that may not be “the only way to see it”, it’s definitely recommended. Philadelphia has many theaters. So my options aren’t nearly what I’d call “limited” and there are tons of unsavory stories surrounding the Riverview, but it will nonetheless always have a special place in my heart.

R.I.P. Riverview, you’ll be missed.


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V.O.D.

4th

CASTLE FREAK - An update of Stuart Gordon’s 1995 film of the same name, which was itself inspired by the works of H.P. Lovecraft. This version comes to us from screenwriter Kathy Charles and director Tate Steinsiek - former contestant on SyFy Channel’s practical makeup effects competition show Face Off, which I *loved* - and seems to stick fairly closely to the original. A group of people go to an Albanian castle that one of their group has just inherited and start to sense that they’re not alone. The few changes I noticed are smart: swapping the small family out for a slightly larger group of friends lets you raise the body count somewhat, as well as not having to put children in harm’s way (which seems to bother some people, but I’m mostly not one of them. Mostly.) Castle Freak 1995 was created kind of on a whim, conjured up because of the simple availability of a castle to film in. Stuart Gordon combined elements of some of his favorite H.P. Lovecraft stories - notably The Outsider - and unleashed the freak on us all. I’ve only somewhat recently gotten around to seeing the original and I loved it. There’s a neat effect to how the freak is shown where, what the audience’s impression of him is changes over time even though he is not himself changing at all. Honestly, if this reboot keeps that, I’ll already be onboard. It’s hard to tell in the trailer but there seems to be more build up of strange goings on in the castle in this and they definitely added some elements solidifying this as a Lovecraft-inspired work. And you know what? None of that bothers me one bit! I’m genuinely excited to catch this on VOD.


AMAZON PRIME

Premiers

4th

VALLEY GIRL - a remake of the 1983 film with a jukebox musical twist, this looks… safe. I haven’t watched the original Valley Girl since I was a kid, but this seems to expand the dramatic scope of the original’s premise which was, to be fair, pretty slim: a titular valley girl (here played by the Happy Death Day franchise’s excellent Jessica Rothe) in the middle of a romantic rough patch meets up with a dirty, yet handsome, boy from the other side of the tracks (Josh Whitehouse with whom I am unfamiliar and yet feel comfortable saying “...is no Nicolas Cage”) and the two fall into a love affair complicated by her ex boyfriend. This remake adds a lot of elements to this riff on Romeo & Juliet: a framing device placing the meat of the story in an era-appropriate flashback story being told by Alicia Silverstone, the whole jukebox musical concept, which itself, is muddied by the decision to use very modern sounding covers of the ‘80s songs, and an increase in the melodrama content by having Julie (Rothe) impulsively planning to cross the country with Randy (Whitehouse). I’ll probably check this out, but my hopes are like, totally un-high.

Arrivals

1st

Angels & Demons (2009) - based on Dan Brown’s 2000 novel and sequel to The Da Vinci Code. Also streaming on HULU & NETFLIX.

Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs (2009) - based on the 1978 children’s book by Judi & Ron Barrett.

Letters to Juliet (2010) - based on the 2006 nonfiction book by Lise & Ceil Friedman.

The Natural (1984) - based on the 1952 novel by Bernard Malamud.

Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist (2008) - based on the 2006 novel by Rachel Cohn & David Levithan.

The Pursuit of Happyness (2006) - based on the novel by Chris Gardner & Quincy Troupe.

Thank You For Smoking (2005) - based on the 1994 satirical novel by Christopher Buckley.

23rd

The Little Hours (2017) - inspired by a tiny part of one day of The Decameron, a collection of novellas by Giovanni Boccaccio in the 14th century. Also streaming on HULU.


HBO

Premiers

25th

WONDER WOMAN 1984 - So I’ll level with you all. When I left the theater after seeing 2017’s Wonder Woman, I raved about it like it was the best thing since sliced bread. Why? Well, after being forced to endure boring, self-serious tripe like Batman v Superman, and the sloppy nonsense of Suicide Squad, it was refreshing to feel like a DC comics character was in good hands. I have since rewatched it and, while it is still large steps better than the DCU’s other output, it feels a little stiff and self-conscious to me now - kind of like Captain America: The First Avenger, not bad, just not great. From what I can tell, director Patty Jenkins has upped the wow-factor (as well as the color palette) in Wonder Woman 1984. There’s plenty of action, including Wonder Woman (Gal Gadot) apparently swinging from lightning bolts on her golden lasso (?!?!), a time-displaced Steve Trevor (Chris Pine) and - perhaps most excitingly - the origin of major Wonder Woman villain The Cheetah (Kristen Wiig)! I mean, it still looks like it will end up in a CGI on CGI fight scene which is a mixed bag for me at best, but I’m hoping for the best and kind of excited for this one.

Arrivals

1st

The Adventures of Pinocchio (1996) - based on the famous children’s story created by Carlo Collodi in the 1880s.

The Beguiled (2017) - adaptation of the 1966 novel by Thomas P. Cullinan, which was also adapted in 1971.

Contraband (2012) - adaptation of the 2008 Icelandic film Reykjavík-Rotterdam.

The Crow (1994) - based on the comic character created in 1989 by James O’Barr.

The Crow: City of Angels (1996) - semi-sequel to the above (the nature of the story of The Crow makes the franchise almost function like an anthology).

The Crow: Wicked Prayer (2005) - long gap pseudo-sequel to the above.

The Girl with All the Gifts (2016) - based on the 2014 novel by M.R. Carey.

Logan’s Run (1976) - based on the 1967 novel by William F. Nolan & George Clayton Johnson.

Mars Attacks! (1996) - inspired by the series of collectible baseball-style cards produced by Topps in the 1960s.

Misery (1990) - based on the 1987 novel by a little-known author named Stephen King.

The Omega Man (1971) - based on the 1954 novel I Am Legend by Richard Matheson.

Rock of Ages (2012) - based on the jukebox musical Broadway play by Chris D’Arienzo.

Sex and the City (2008) - based on the HBO original series that ran from 1998 - 2004.

Sex and the City 2 (2010) - sequel to the above.

The Shawshank Redemption (1994) - based on the 1982 novella by Stephen King called Rita Hayworth and the Shawshank Redemption.

Snow White and the Huntsman (2012) - based on the fairy tale.

Soylent Green (1973) - inspired by the 1966 story Make Room! Make Room! by Harry Harrison.

Spawn (1997) - based on the comics created by Todd McFarlane in 1992.

Timeline (2003) - based on the 1999 novel by Michael Crichton.

True Grit (2010) - inspired by Charles Portis’ 1968 novel, previously adapted in 1969.

Unfaithful (2002) - based on the 1969 film La Femme Infidèle.

Wendy (2020) - reimagining of the Peter Pan story, created by J.M. Barrie.


HULU

Premiers

* Valley Girl (2020) which technically premiered on Amazon Prime on the 4th will also be available on HULU on the 7th. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

22nd

YOU CANNOT KILL DAVID ARQUETTE - This doc, which premiered earlier this year at festivals like Fantasia Fest (which we at Moviejawn were very pleased to cover) discusses an incident that’s fairly infamous within wrestling fan circles: When David Arquette “Killed” the Wrestling Business (spoilers: He didn’t.) and his subsequent resurrection and acceptance by wrestling fans. I don’t know if this doc will have much draw for people who aren’t fans of either wrestling or Arquette, but luckily I’m a fan of both. So I’ll be tuning in for sure. If you’d like a little more context, Ian Hrabe wrote an excellent piece for Moviejawn or, guest Bryan Bierman breaks it down a bit on the Hate Watch / Great Watch episode on Arquette’s 2000 wrestling comedy Ready to Rumble - HWGW Ep.14.


Arrivals

1st

30 Days of Night (2007) - Rosalie Kicks’s all-time favorite film, based on the 2002 comic miniseries created by Steve Niles and Ben Templesmith.

Angels & Demons (2009) - based on Dan Brown’s 2000 novel and sequel to The Da Vinci Code. Also streaming on PRIME & NETFLIX.

Charlotte’s Web (1973) - based on E.B. White’s 1952 children’s book.

Cliffhanger (1993) - not based on anything, but it is the subject of an episode of the Moviejawn podcast Hate Watch / Great Watch which I co-host: HWGW Ep.27.

The Client (1994) - based on the novel from the previous year by John Grisham.

The Color of Money (1986) - based on the 1984 novel by Walter Tevis and loooooong gap sequel to The Hustler (1959).

The Da Vinci Code (2006) - based on Dan Brown’s 2003 novel. Also streaming on NETFLIX.

The Hulk (2003) - based on the Marvel Comics character created in 1962 by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby.

The November Man (2014) - based on the novel There Are No Spies by Bill Granger.

Under the Tuscan Sun (2003) - based on the 1996 memoir by Frances Mayes.

23rd

The Little Hours (2017) - inspired by a tiny part of one day of The Decameron, a collection of novellas by Giovanni Boccaccio in the 14th century. Also streaming on PRIME.


NETFLIX

Premiers

I couldn’t find any EOINA-appropriate films premiering on NETFLIX in December (but you might want to read all the way to the end of the column).


Arrivals

1st

Angels & Demons (2009) - based on Dan Brown’s 2000 novel and sequel to The Da Vinci Code. Also streaming on PRIME & HULU.

The Da Vinci Code (2006) - based on Dan Brown’s 2003 novel. Also streaming on HULU.

Jurassic Park (1993) - based on the 1990 novel by Michael Crichton.

Jurassic Park 2: The Lost World (1997) - sequel to the above. There was also a sequel novel written concurrently to this follow-up, but it is more of a sequel to the 1993 film than the original novel.

Jurassic Park 3 (2001) - sequel to the above.


SHUDDER

Premiers

18th

THE CREEPSHOW HOLIDAY SPECIAL - This hour-long, animated holiday special follows in the footsteps of The Creepshow Animated Special which premiered back in October. I can’t find too much info on this one besides the fact that it is being written and directed by the Creepshow TV series showrunner Greg Nicotero and will be based on a story by J.A. Konrath. It will theoretically be animated in the same basic style as that previous special (which I’m not the biggest fan of) and will presumably have some celebrity voice acting. I’ve got my fingers crossed that this is a step up from the last one - for the record I liked it just fine, but would like them to get better as they go along - but I do appreciate all the original content Nicotero and Shudder are putting out under the umbrella of Creepshow, which is one of my personal fave horror anthologies.


Arrivals

1st

Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1992) - based on the co-titular book written in 1897 by the co-titular author.

2nd

The Fifth Cord (1971) - a.k.a. Black Day for the Ram, it is based on a novel by D.M. Devine.

Your Vice is a Locked Room and Only I Have the Key (1972) - inspired by elements from Edgar Allan Poe’s story The Black Cat from 1843.


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Well that’s (technically) it for December. But, in the gift-giving spirit of the season and as a gesture of good will, I’ll give you a little present:

My gift to you is the knowledge that WE CAN BE HEROES, the long gap sequel to 2005’s The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D, is coming direct to NETFLIX on January 1st. In the spirit of his fun and free-wheeling Spy Kids franchise, director Robert Rodriguez is just throwing wild concepts and livewire visuals at you throughout the entire trailer. In this flick, Guppy (Vivien Lyra Blair) - the young daughter of the now-adult Sharkboy and Lavagirl - and her superpowered classmates will have to fight some unclear-to-me menace using a variety of colorful and creative super abilities. I don’t think this would be too high on my To Watch List normally, but dropping on New Year’s Day makes me think that it actually might be great to nurse a hangover to. I guess we’ll see?

And that puts a bow on EOINA for 2020. I hope you all have a great New Year’s Eve and I hope we all have a much better new year. Thank you as always for reading, thanks to Ben and Rosalie for hosting & posting, and don’t forget to check out Hate Watch / Great Watch, the podcast I co-host with Allison Yakulis here on the Moviejawn Podcast Network. If I’m not mistaken, the most current episode should be HWGW Ep.44 on 2020’s direct-to-NETFLIX Adam Sandler joint Hubie Halloween, where we’re joined by returning guests Nicole Weigand & Nicole Krecicki (support their shop The South Street Art Mart).

Happy New Year and Long Live the Movies!




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This piece was written for Moviejawn where you can find tons of other excellent movie-centric writings, a shop where you can subscribe to the quarterly physical zine and also listen to the  I Saw It In a Movie,  Cinematic Crypt  or  Hate Watch / Great Watch  podcasts!

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