EVERYTHING OLD IS NEW AGAIN - Vol. 46

Everything Old Is New Again
Vol. 46 - December, 2022

By “Doc” Hunter Bush, Podcast Czar

Season’s greetings readers! Here we are at the end of another exhausting year, searching for entertainment to accompany us during the long nights. That’s where Everything Old Is New Again comes in. In this column which I’ve been running for 5+ years, I strive to bring to your attention some of the upcoming films & occasional series that meet a specific criteria. If it’s based on a previous concept, be it film, television, book, comic, poem, whatever - it’s EOINA material.

The end of a year makes a man feel reflective, and though I’m not your typical dude, I feel like indulging in that same introspection. The landscape of film has changed during the lifetime of this column. Adaptations, while never exactly rare in the industry, have become the dominant force in cinema. In earlier columns, I shone a spotlight on projects that you might not have known were based on something earlier. Now, the fact that it’s an adaptation is almost a selling point. It’s a strange wave and I’m curious to see how long the ripples from it will last.

Regardless, let’s look ahead into December and see what there is to see. I hope you find something that makes your yuletide merry.

<>

PREMIERES - New projects built upon the bones of older ideas

December 1st

Willow (series)
Where” Disney+

Okay, so this one is technically cheating as it did actually premier its first episode on Nov. 30th, but in all fairness to me (the guy who calls the shots on this column) the majority of the series will air in December (before finishing in January, 2023), and also - I did not know the release date at the time of the last column. So ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

A long gap sequel to Ron Howard’s 1988 fantasy epic (working from a story by George Lucas), in which an unassuming hero rises to save a kingdom with the help of a ragtag group of adventurers that all have amazing names: Willow Ufgood (Warwick Davis), Madmartigan (Val Kilmer), Sorsha (Joanne Whalley), etc. The evil witch queen they are butting heads with also has a great name: Queen Bavmorda (Jean Marsh) but her right hand general with a cool skull mask is just named Kael (Pat Roach) so, you win some, ya lose some I guess.

Anyway, the 2022 Willow picks up with the daughter of Sorsha on a quest to rescue her twin brother and (one would guess) butt heads with a resurrected Bavmorda (?) Or perhaps a worse, more powerful, more frightening force? The group which features a bunch of way less interestingly-named adventurers: Kit (Ruby Cruz), Dove (Ellie Bamber), Jade (Erin Kellyman), and Graydon (Tony Revolori) need Willow’s help to journey into some unknown out reaches of their world.

I’ll be honest with you - I’m a simp for Willow. I love that movie. Every janky practical effect, every weird, gross monster, every single line. And while I know that things aren’t made the way they once were, this trailer looks more practical effects and costuming heavy than many similar projects, albeit augmented with some CG visuals. And I’m fine with it. If Nu Willow can capture the feel of Willow Classic, I’ll be pleased. I *am* disappointed in the lameness of the names though.

As far as my speculations on what might be in this series, I have no idea! Willow had a novelization and I believe a sequel novel (?) but I’ve never read them, so all I know of the world of Willow I learned from the first movie. There are trolls, brownies, boar-dogs, and tons of magic. The new trailer contains I think all of those things, plus doorways through magical barriers, enormous (CG) birds, and a trio of figures that look like Cenobites at a Ren Faire. Needless to say, I’m excited to see it. Fingers crossed.

9th

Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio (dir. Guillermo del Toro, Mark Gustafson)
Where: Netflix

Based on Carlo Collodi’s Italian children’s novel - first published in 1883! - Pinocchio is the story of the titular wooden boy, his quest to become real, and the (mis)adventures he has along the way. This already had a brief theatrical release (so that Netflix can chase Oscar gold) the ninth is the date it will become available to the millions on Netflix subscribers worldwide.

Guillermo del Toro is a treasure and an active benefit to the craft of filmmaking. When he makes something, I care and I’ve never been let down by him. This interpretation of Pinocchio seems to be focused on, in the words of its cricket narrator (Ewan McGregor), “imperfect fathers and imperfect sons”. There has always been the obvious paternal angle to Pinocchio’s origins, but this seems to be more directly focused on it.

The beautifully stop-motion animated trailer features everything you may expect from a Pinocchio tale, but in slightly different presentations. There’s magical trees, a more monstrous seeming version of the blue fairy, and a sinister traveling circus! How fun!

I’m always all in on Guillermo del Toro, so I’ll for sure be watching this.

16th

Avatar 2: The Way of Water (dir. James Cameron)
Where: in theaters

It’s old hat to say that Jim Cameron’s Avatar (2009) has “no cultural impact”, but that’s because there’s some truth to it. It’s an extremely odd case when the biggest film in the world disappears like a fart in the wind. When was the last time you saw some rando on the street wearing an Avatar t-shirt? What time of year do you host your annual Avatar re-watch? Is it never?

I’m not saying Avatar is bad - I saw it in theaters (walked there in the middle of a snowstorm) and I enjoyed it just fine. But aside from the technological advances, and its place on certain cinematic lists (it DID make money), it’s just not anything anyone thought of after a few months. Until, that is, about a year ago when the rumors of there being MORE Avatars coming were actually really confirmed.

The big criticism of Avatar was that the plot was just a rehash of cliché native-peoples-meet-more-”civilized”-invaders culture clash story moments, most notably from Pocahontas. But, I at least, excused that with the idea that a simple, familiar story wouldn’t clash with all the heavy technological moments Cameron was focused on delivering (the argument that the effects should serve the story and not the other way round having long gone out the window).

So, now that audiences are used to watching almost entirely CG character interactions and action sequences, does Avatar 2: The Way of Water have a more in-depth (no pun intended) storyline? Obviously, it’s hard to say from just a 2-minute trailer, but it certainly doesn’t look like it.

It seems like some of the big blue Na’vi (possibly some of the ones from the first film, or their children or who knows) have fled to the ocean and hooked up with a neighboring group who are associated with an entirely different element. Whereas in the original, there was a notable you-have-to-learn-to-fly-this-big-bird rite of passage scene, this time it’s a tendrilly dolphin thing. Instead of the tribe living in the jungle and riding airborne animals, they live on the beach and ride these aquatic ones. And the entire time, the (human) mercenaries working for a space mining company are en route, which will presumably lead to a huge conflict.

So the different tribes associated with different elements thing feels like the other (*cough*better*cough*) Avatar, the animated one whose title ends with “The Last Airbender”. Which, like, if I was Cameron and whomever else brainstormed these Avatar sequels, I’d have stayed as far away from anything that could be compared to the other (*cough*better*cough*) Avatar. There also seems to maybe be a just-learn-to-breath-water aspect to the rite of passage, which of course reminds me of Cameron’s The Abyss.

I dunno. The concept of “the further adventures of the world of Avatar” holds no interest for me. Neither does the prospect of paying money to watch James Cameron show off the latest advances in CGI capabilities. But those both exist outside of the film itself, those are subtext to the viewing experience. Problem is, these trailers aren’t showing me anything that really piques my interest.

James Cameron was once a pretty goddamn creative, clever, inventive filmmaker (story-wise, and concept-wise) but Avatar never felt like that to me. I went to see the original film despite the lack of that spark for me, trusting entirely on Cameron’s reputation and track record with me personally. And while, as I said, I didn’t dislike the finished product, I also didn’t care to ever see more of it and I wish he’d spent the last ten year working on something else, something new.

21st

Puss in Boots: The Last Wish (dir. Joel Crawford, Januel Mercado)
Where: in theaters

In 2001, the film Shrek - based on the 1990 book by William Steig - dropped. It was successful and in 2004, the sequel introduced the world to this version of Puss in Boots (Antonio Banderas). In 2011 Puss got his own spin-off origin story film and then I believe there were some TV series and/or holiday specials and now the sequel The Last Wish.

As the saying goes, Puss has “lived a life”. But, being a cat and an adventurer, he’s actually lived 8 lives, meaning he’s now down to his last one. For some reason, he’s pointed in the direction of Mama Luna (Da’Vine Joy Randolph) to be a “lab cat”. The trailer doesn’t expressly show her doing any experiments, or explain how she might be able to restore some of Puss’ lives or anything, so…

What the trailer does show is a lot of action: Seems Puss has run afoul of the Goldilocks and the Three Bears crime family (voiced by Florence Pugh, Ray Winstone, Samson Kayo, and Olivia Colman respectively) and they’ve placed a bounty on his head hefty enough that at least a couple of bounty hunters are also gunning for Puss. The action in the trailers is extremely dynamic and showcases a heightened stylization not present in any of the Shrek films (I’ve not seen the previous Puss in Boots-es, so I can’t speak to any of their stylization). It reminds me of Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse in the way it leans on different visual styles, frame rates and exaggerated, comic book visuals.

Is this a bad thing? No. But it doesn’t fit here the way it does with Spider-Verse and feels like it’s only being done to draw people in. It feels like fad-chasing and that always turns me off a little bit. BUT. It works, because the imagery was really interesting. I’m not any kind of real fan of Shrek or his expanded universe, despite having watched all four over Thanksgiving last year (on a bet), but Puss is an obvious stand-out character and Antonio Banderas is a favorite actor of mine, so I’ll definitely watch this eventually I suppose. Possibly on a bet.

30th

White Noise (dir. Noah Baumbach)
Where: Netflix

Don DeLillo’s 1985 novel of the same name is emotionally distant, intellectual and soaked in ennui; a story mostly about its main character’s fear of death. The book is also very clever, a perfectly bleak black comedy that takes aim at the atomic family and the increasing dependence on miracle cures (a concept that was even more novel in 1985). The plot is rambling, but covers a number of strange occurrences, notably an airborne toxic event that releases a chemical black cloud that looms over the family’s home town.

The trailer seems to lean most heavily on this airborne toxic event, without ever revealing what it is. It opens with the family (dad Adam Driver, step mom Greta Gerwig, and an assortment of step siblings played by Raffey Cassidy, Sam Nivola, and May Nivola) sitting in their car, using the passengers in the other cars as litmus tests for how frightened they should feel, before quick cutting to an assortment of other locations and moments that feel appropriate for the semi-disjointed events of the novel.

DeLillo’s novel is a favorite of my partner, who introduced me to it, so I’m sure we’ll watch it once it’s available.

SPOTLIGHT - Not new but EOINA material

December 1st

The Secret of N.I.M.H. (1982) (dir. Don Bluth)
Where: Tubi

Tubi is the greatest truly free streaming option anymore and I recommend it to anyone who’ll listen. I was looking for an appropriately holiday-themed film to recommend for this end-of-year EOINA, but what really jumped out at me was Don Bluth’s 1982 adaptation of Robert O’Brien’s 1971 novel Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH. While not directly a holiday movie, the change of seasons is a prominent plot driver, and Christmas lights are heavily featured in the rats’ lair. BUT. What made this a perfect bookend for the column is that it reminds me of Willow quite a bit. Not thematically, but in execution. The Secret of NIMH and Willow both have a darkness and seriousness in them that is part of what I really responded to as a kid. They both scratch that specific itch for me.

The Secret of NIMH follows the aforementioned Mrs. Frisby (called Brisby in the film, presumably so that no one would confuse the animated film about rats with a plastic flying disc toy) as she enlists the help of the rats of NIMH to help safely move her and her family, including one very sick child, before the farmer can endanger their home by plowing the field. There’s also an entire Shakespearian power struggle happening within the rats’ organization, with sword fighting, magic, and a tragic, science-based back story.

I love this film and I hope you’ll enjoy it too, if you choose to check it out.

<>

As we wind down the year, I hope you get to spend it with some folks who make your life better. Could be in person, could be by phone, or a group chat. Organize a watch-along for one of the films listed above (or any damn picture you want) and be a positive force for change in your life, the lives of others, and the world. It’s shockingly easy. Just be there. Be here.

If you’d like to check out the podcast I cohost, it’s called Hate Watch/Great Watch and we have two holiday-themed episodes dropping this month. On the 14th I’m talking about Die Hard (1988) with my regular cohost Allison Yakulis, and right in that liminal space between Christmas and New Years, on the 28th, another as-yet-undecided title which I’ll discuss with guest cohost Tina Dillon.

Thank you as always for reading, and thanks to MovieJawn for hosting and posting. Please consider liking, recommending, and sharing any MJ articles you happen to like (including this one) on any and all social media platforms. And if you’re able, maybe you’d like to support the MJ Patreon for as little as $3 per month.

Have a happy holiday, stay safe, and we’ll see each other in the new year! Until next time - Long Live the Movies!

_______________________________________________

This piece was written for MovieJawn, a fabulous site where you can find tons of other excellent movie-centric writings, a shop where you can subscribe to the quarterly physical zine, or listen to me on the  Hate Watch/Great Watch  podcast! Support the MovieJawn Patreon here!

_______________________________________________

"SOMETHING IN THE DIRT" (2022)

SOMETHING IN THE DIRT

Directed by Justin Benson, Aaron Moorhead
Written by Justin Benson
Starring Aaron Moorhead, Justin Benson
Rated R for language and a brief violent image
Runtime 1 hour and 56 minutes
Available to watch in theaters Nov 4th

By “Doc” Hunter Bush, Podcast Czar

Something in the Dirt is an odd duck of a movie. On almost every metric it defies expectation and leaves the audience feeling off-kilter, save one. The one it nails is one you can rely on DIY-duo Justin Benson & Aaron Moorhead to deliver on: modest budget, high concept science-fiction. As an example of what you can achieve with modest means and some dedicated buddies, Something in the Dirt is - like Benson & Moorhead themselves - an inspiration.

Something in the Dirt is the fifth feature length release from Benson & Moorhead. Benson is the writer on all five, with Moorhead handling cinematography, and both sharing directing duties. From their earliest offerings they’ve managed to make huge concepts manageable both on screen and in the minds of audiences, and Dirt makes the most of that ability, cramming concept after concept into our psyches at an ever-quickening pace with no concern for whether they are being fully comprehended. But that’s kind of the point.

“I used to love The X-Files as a kid. Now everything’s The X-Files, I guess.”

Dirt begins with John (Moorhead) sharing a smoke with new neighbor Levi (Benson). Both are at transitory points in their lives: bartender Levi is moving into a new apartment sight unseen and wedding photographer John has just recently split with his husband. These two oddballs find their friendship quickly cemented when they witness a supernatural phenomenon in Levi’s apartment together: a large glass ashtray hovering 5 feet in the air, refracting light across the walls.

Both of these characters fall somewhere on the scale from underachiever to out-and-out loser, BUT, they seem aware of it enough to jump at the chance to use this supernatural occurrence as an ur-event for new careers. They buy newer and better equipment, and constantly do research on their theories as to what the origin(s) of this spooky phenomena might be. From ghosts, to interdimensional thin spots, to ancient cults tied to the secret origins of Los Angeles, everywhere they look they find more evidence. Simultaneously the phenomena continues happening and keeps evolving. A TV set turning on and off, a preternaturally hot closet built to atypical construction parameters, unusual mineral compositions in the foundation under the apartment complex, seemingly meaningful recurrences of the number 1908.

Benson & Moorhead’s 2017 UFO cult thriller The Endless was my introduction to the duo, and examining their back catalog (as well as reviewing their 2019 follow-up, Synchronic, right here on MovieJawn) showed me two filmmakers making consistently larger-scale films with higher production values and taking progressively larger steps toward whatever film will break them through to the mainstream. Something in the Dirt won’t be that film. Probably. Unlike their previous efforts, Dirt isn’t concerned with unraveling an occult conspiracy for its audience, but rather in pointing out the futility and self-deception inherent in conspiratorial thought.

This is, to be clear, by design of the filmmakers. This flick was made under the COVID restrictions, a time we’d all agree was rife with misinformation, and the movie seems to reflect the cabin-fever stir-craziness of staying up all night diving down one wiki-rabbit hole after another in search of an answer, or even just a temporary solution. A lot of clicks were baited with stories about how many people took up bread baking, or started an Etsy, or sang a capella sea shanties during lockdown. Maybe they were getting in touch with some buried innermost desire, sure, but more likely they were just looking to answer the question: What do I do now?

The friendship between Levi & John feels like the friendships you form as a kid, based more on shared geography than anything else. They’re kind of shitty to each other and they lie to or just hide things from the other, but luckily they have their shared obsession, their project, to work on. As such, much like a failing marriage “staying together for the kids”, both characters dive headlong into the documentary they’re making. I realize now that I haven’t yet mentioned that the majority of Something in the Dirt is composed of this “documentary footage”.

Or is it?

Isn’t it?

As the film rolls on, it becomes increasingly difficult to discern what exactly is “true”. Both Levi & John are unreliable narrators and since they are dubiously in control of everything we are seeing, it becomes ever harder to figure out what we can believe. As their creators and performers, Benson & Moorhead repeatedly make the narratives of the characters’ lives just as unreliable. New facets will be revealed that seem highly dramatic and meaningful only for them to be something incredibly mundane. Mountains from molehills. At other points something in their investigation will seem to be the lynchpin to a major revelation only to lead to an anticlimactic non-answer, or worse, a potentially unrelated conceptual trail. Imagine unearthing clue after clue, going from checkpoint to checkpoint to ultimately find not the missing piece of your puzzle, but one with a completely different image on it.

The wry point of view of Something in the Dirt takes time to reveal itself. There’s humor in all of Benson & Moorhead’s films, most often through personal interactions, and there’s some of that here too, but due to the perpetually obfuscated nature of what is real, each new revelation becomes funnier and funnier. Of course there’s an ominous geocache at coordinate 1908; oh, spooky action at a distance? Why not? Etc.,etc.

The whole thing is increasingly ridiculous and the experience of watching it won’t be for everyone, but I am well and fully in the pocket for Benson & Moorhead. No one is making things that feel quite like their films and I still hope to see them become more mainstream names. I doubt Something in the Dirt will be the thing that does it, but while you were getting (back) into Animal Crossing they were making a fascinating low budget rorschach test of a movie that only gives back as much as you’re willing to give to it. And I just think that’s neat.

Something in the Dirt is in theaters Nov. 4th

_________________________________________

This piece was written for MovieJawn, a fabulous site where you can find tons of other excellent movie-centric writings, a shop where you can subscribe to the quarterly physical zine, or listen to me on the  Hate Watch/Great Watch  podcast! Support the MovieJawn Patreon here!
_________________________________________

EVERYTHING OLD IS NEW AGAIN - Vol. 45

Everything Old Is New Again
Volume 45 - November 2022

By “Doc” Hunter Bush, Podcast Czar

The Phillies are going to the World Series! I’m not a sports guy, typically, but I will always support when my city is doing well. I don’t pretend to be a lifelong fan, either; proudly bandwagonesque, but I’m happy for us. I do typically associate November with sports as well as scarves, hand-turkeys, and pumpkin pie. But this column isn’t about that. I just wanted to note a specific moment in time.

This is Everything Old Is New Again, my column on upcoming film and series releases that are based on pre-existing intellectual properties. Welcome! Put your feet up and make yourself comfortable while we look at what’s coming. I started this column when adaptations, remakes, and long-gap sequels - essentially recycling stuff audiences are familiar with instead of taking chances - was on an upswing.

Hollywood has always adapted other stories, and that’s fine, but things used to be different all over. Less algorithmic; less designed specifically to seek success from some “market”. Things were adapted because maybe they would hook audiences in general, as opposed to only please certain segments of them.

Over the course of its life, I’ve tried to use EOINA for two purposes: to bitch about the movies that I personally feel exhausted and annoyed by - because everyone deserves to let off a little steam - and to point folks towards flicks that might have less public awareness but are still within the column’s parameters. I hope that I help you find something to get excited about! Let’s get started!

<>

PREMIERES - New films or series based on older works

November 4th

My Policeman (dir. Michael Grandage)
Where: in theaters

Based on a 2012 novel by Bethan Roberts, My Policeman is the story of a love triangle in England in the 1950s. Tom (Harry Styles) the titular policeman, is gay and in keeping with societal norms of the era, is married to Marion (Emma Corrin) while secretly being in love with Patrick (David Dawson). The trailer - which is awash in one of my most loathed trends in film trailers of the current century: slow breathy pop covers (*) - shows Marion catching Tom & Patrick and has some fisticuffs and a shot of someone (presumably Tom) tossing a cop’s uniform on a bonfire, so I’m guessing Marion outs him and he has to end his policing career. The tail of the trailer shows the three characters aged up (played by Linus Roache, Gina McKee, and Rupert Everett respectively) and perhaps having some sort of closure-seeking conversation between them.

The IMDb has the characters credited in an interesting fashion: Styles, Corrin, and Dawson are credited as “Young (Whomever)” and Roache, McKee, and Everett as just “(Whomever)”, which leads me to believe that the elder versions will act as a framing device, with their shared youth coming in flashback. Perhaps there will be a sort of Rashomon-like difference of opinion, or some revelations betwixt the unwilling triangle? That could be interesting. I’m sure this is fine, and I am told that Harry Styles is a very engaging performer but it seems like you’d spend the whole run time waiting for an end you know is coming (and will be bittersweet at best).

(*) This one uses Cat Power’s cover of “Sea of Love”, which you may have heard previously in Juno, and is a fine song, but just: please not. No more. I am so tired of down-tempo breathy pop covers.

11th

Wakanda Forever (dir. Ryan Coogler)
Where: in theaters

The sequel to 2018’s Black Panther, based upon the Marvel comics character and more and more just a cog in a monoculture machine that is the Mouse House / MCU, this flick has some big shoes to fill. Black Panther was easily one of the best of the MCU films from all angles. The characters, POV, performances, messaging, and even the manner in which it changed things for the MCU; all were excellently handled. Sadly, Chadwick Boseman passed away in 2020, leaving this flick in an unenviable position, which director Ryan Coogler and co. have chosen to just address head on.

In the world of Wakanda Forever, T’Challa (Boseman’s character and the original Black Panther as far as on-screen representations) has likewise passed away, leaving his frenemy-turned-ally M’Baku (Winston Duke) to fill the position for the time being while T’Challa’s family mourns. Unfortunately, they are attacked by Namor (Tenoch Huerta), the leader of a rival army. In the comics, Namor is the king of Atlantis (yes, that Atlantis), while the film seems to be differentiating it and naming their kingdom Tlālōcān (an Aztec concept similar to a Heaven, but (I think) not the only afterlife paradise the Aztec people believed in). They might still throw out some line about how Namor’s people are the basis for the myths of Atlantis, but that’s nowhere in here.

I’m not really sure what Namor wants, but it seems like he floods Wakanda (the Black Panther’s home) and starts a war. I’m guessing there will be a “real” villain that Namor will team up with the Wakandans to battle, and I’m guessing a lot of this conflict will be based around Vibranium, the fictional strongest metal in the MCU that is a powerful resource for numerous reasons with as many military and scientific applications.

This is going to be a passing-the-torch movie with T’Challa’s sister Shuri (Letitia Wright) inheriting the Black Panther mantel and suit, as well as a team-up movie because we have to front load all the Marvel movies/shows with characters who will appear in other Marvel movies/shows or else (gasp! shock! horror!) the perpetual motion money machine could stop! So Shuri is going to team up with a young inventor from Chicago named Riri Williams (Dominique Thorne) who will become the Iron Man-esque, mechanical super-suited heroine Ironheart.

DISCLAIMER: I’ve lost interest in the vast majority of the Marvel shows, so if Ironheart has already made her appearance in one of those, I am unaware of it.

This looks overstuffed to me. Too many brand new characters, too much story, too much silly comics stuff all being thrown at us at once. On the other hand, as I said above, Coogler & co. made one of the best single Marvel movies yet, so I am cautiously hopeful. I also enjoy the reworking (as far as I can tell) of Namor’s backstory and people, and the casting of Huerta. I’ll be seeing this one just as soon as it streams into my home.

14th

Teletubbies (series)
Where: Netflix

Yup. Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the cultural zeitgeist, those four …things living in their aggressively pleasant native world where they are observed by a burning infant in the sky are BACK! Created in 1997 by Anne Wood and Andrew Davenport for the BBC (who were seeking programming aimed at preschoolers) the Teletubbies are fascinatingly (and terrifyingly) strange.

If you’re unfamiliar, they’re four creatures of varying heights. Each is a different color and has a different shaped antenna on its head, which presumably connects to the television screens in their stomachs. They live in a seemingly endless plain of rolling green hills, in a habitat that looks like a Hobbit hole designed by Ikea, all overseen by a sun that has a baby’s face in it. They take video-calls (via their stomach televisions) from children and children-adjacent individuals who talk about educational things and serve as field trips for the seemingly captive ‘tubbies.

My theory is that they are aliens - or possibly extra-terrestrial beings, I’m open to that as a possibility - who have been captured and are being tranquilized and observed by the government or possibly some organization not unlike the SCP Foundation. The overly pleasant environment, the sun-with-a-baby’s-face, they’re all meant to keep the ‘tubbies at ease. Perhaps they are, as they seem, young and are being indoctrinated to have a better understanding of humanity, possibly as a means of convincing them that we are worth saving/protecting/not actively destroying. Perhaps even one instance of negativity, fear, or violence would see them transform into eldritch, unstoppable avatars of our ultimate destruction. Who’s to say?

Well, this version is narrated by Tituss Burgess, so if anybody would be the one to warn us that the Teletubbies have gone rogue, or are achieving their final form, it would be him. I will not be watching this for entertainment, but I might get really really high and refine my theories.

15th

R.I.P.D. 2: Rise of the Damned (dir. Paul Leyden)
Where: physical media / digital rental

2013’s R.I.P.D. (Rest In Peace Department) starred Ryan Reynolds and Jeff Bridges as Nick and Roy. Much like in Men in Black, Nick was the new recruit, a Boston cop killed in the line of duty and recruited to help police the afterlife, bringing rogue souls to justice alongside Roy, the veteran old west sheriff who’s been on the job a long time. It was based on a comic book from 1999 by Peter M. Lenkov which I’ve never read and I never saw the movie but from what I know it wasn’t well-received.

So it’s getting a prequel! And the Roy character portrayed by Jeff Bridges will be played by Jeffrey Donovan! The plot seems to be that either this is the first time any souls have escaped, or that it’s the largest jailbreak so-to-speak and they’re recruiting Roicephus “Roy” Pulsipher to help!

I dunno. I like Donovan, but I have no interest in DTV prequel really. Having said that, if/when I ever see this sitting there on a streaming service I already have access to, I’d probably throw it on.

16th

The Santa Clauses (miniseries)
Where: Disney+

The 1994 family comedy saw Scott Calvin (Tim Allen) accidentally murder Santa Claus and thus, replace him. What this says about the tyrannical dictatorship of Santa Claus is interesting to ponder, but this isn’t about that. Two sequels, in 2002 and 2006 followed, vaguely expanding on the mythology of the world created. Now, in 2022, comes this apparently 6-episode miniseries.

The trailer is sparse. Calvin calls a meeting of his elves and announces “For the good of Christmas and for the good of my family I am retiring”. The majority of the rest of the trailer is Peyton Manning goobering his way thru an audition to be the next Santa Claus. David Krumholtz briefly appears, reprising his role from the first 2 Santa Clause films, but that’s about it.

Which leaves me to wonder… What happened to make Santa abandon his life’s purpose? The trailer tells me nothing, so allow me to guess: Santa is arrested in the Kalamazoo airport with a pound and a half of cocaine and, to avoid a lengthy prison sentence, decides to rat out a dozen other drug dealers he knows. But he didn’t do it because he’s AFRAID of going to prison, of course not! He’s Santa Claus and he’s a tough, macho dude! The last beacon of traditional masculinity in a world increasingly caving to “wokeness” (which I think must also have been invented for the film series, because it’s certainly not real). The last Santa standing, you could say.

No, he did it for the children. If Santa was to go to prison, Christmas would have to be canceled. And if there’s one thing Santa will not stand for, it’s Christmas cancel culture. So he’s choosing to retire before the scandal gets out, tarnishing the good name of Christmas. Also presumably the various drug dealers would be sending magical hitmen to the North Pole to break his kneecaps and pour boiling hot cocoa down his throat, so he’s gotta beat feet before that happens.

Again, these are just guesses. Anyway, I would have zero interest in an instant more of anything starring warrior against wokeness/coke rat Tim Allen, let alone a six episode miniseries? Fuck outta here.

24th

Disenchanted (dir. Adam Shankman)
Where: Disney+

The 2007 film Enchanted seemed like a very promising direction for the Disney empire. A self-aware, wry look at the fairy tale archetypes popularized by Disney themselves (itself?) the film took the clichés from those films - wicked stepmother, true love’s kiss to break spells, etc. - and turned them on their head. It even briefly brought hand-drawn animation back to the Mouse House before pulling a reverse Pagemaster (*) and transposing the formerly animated characters into the real physical world.

(*) The Reverse Pagemaster is also a sex act I once heard described by Sir Alec Guinness.

As you might expect, Enchanted ended in a “happily ever after” with fairy tale princess Giselle (Amy Adams) and new York lawyer Robert (Patrick Dempsey) falling in love and living together to raise Morgan, Robert’s daughter from a previous marriage. What Disenchanted asks is: “But what if the real world was dogshit?” So now Giselle, Robert and Morgan (Gabriella Baldacchino) have to move to Monroeville (which is in NJ, but doesn’t look like NJ in this trailer, just sayin’) into a “fixer-upper” home.

A visit from Edward (James Marsden) and Nancy (Idina Menzel) - coming from the fairy tale world - inspires Giselle to use a magic wand to wish her problems away, which backfires and something something something wicked witch problems.

I’ve never seen the first one, but I’ve heard a lot of good things and I could easily be talked into a double feature presuming they’re both available on Disney+ because I like the concept and I like the cast, which for Disenchanted also features Maya Rudolph, Yvette Nicole Brown, Oscar Nuñez, and Griffin Newman (as the voice of a chipmunk).


25th

The Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special (Dir. James Gunn)
Where: Disney+

This holiday-themed featurette (clocking in at “around 40 minutes”, similar to last month’s Werewolf By Night) finds the cast of the Guardians movies (Pom Klementieff, Dave Buatista, Karen Gillan, Sean Gunn, and the voices of Bradley Cooper and Vin Diesel) traveling to Earth to kidnap Kevin Bacon as a present for the depressed Starlord (Chris Pratt). That’s pretty much all the trailer gives away aside from the fact that Kevin Bacon will actually appear!

Writer/director James Gunn has made the Guardians of the Galaxy a stand-out in the MCU, injecting some much-needed oddness into the increasingly more cookie-cutter landscape, and giving him a Holiday Special in which to play seems like a no-brainer. In general, I’m in favor of these MCU Holiday Specials, as they potentially allow for a little extra world-building without eating into the storylines of the main films (which is my single biggest problem with the recent “phases”).

I’ll definitely be checking this out, but I might wait until closer to Christmas proper, or at least a snowy night.

SPOTLIGHT - Not brand new, but available via streaming and definitely still worth looking up

November 1st

Adaptation. (2002) (dir. Spike Jonze)
Where: Hulu

The mother of all literary adaptations, Adaptation. is written by Charlie Kaufman, and is technically based on the book “The Orchid Thief” by Susan Orlean, though in actuality it is more based on Kaufman’s failure to actually write an adaptation of Orlean’s book while struggling with writer’s block. The film stars Nicolas Cage as (hold on to your hats if you don’t know) Charlie Kaufman, a screenwriter attempting to adapt the book “The Orchid Thief” by Susan Orlean but struggling with writer’s block. Cage also portrays Charlie’s twin brother Donald who, while crashing with Charlie, decides to become a screenwriter as well and quickly finds tremendous success. If you can believe it, things spiral from there.

Adaptation. is very much a product of its time, and our cultural fascination with the concept of “meta” but don’t let that stop you. “Meta” as a concept hasn’t gone anywhere, it’s just no longer the novelty it once was. But on top of that the film is full of great character actors and a pair of performances that once again made the general public stop and take note: “Hey, that Nic Cage guy really is some kinda actor”.

<>

That’s a wrap on EOINA for this November. I hope you all had a fun and safe Halloween. It seems like most people have mentally put COVID far in their rearview but I still implore you to be safe when/if you’re gathering for the holidays.

That aside, I as always thank you for reading and thank MovieJawn for hosting & posting. If you’d like more from me, the Hate Watch/Great Watch podcast - which I cohost with Allison Yakulis - is dropping three episodes. On the 2nd you can hear us talk about Dirty Dancing (1987) with frequent guest Tina Dillon, then on the 16th we have a guest-free episode on seasonally appropriate tear-jerker Sweet November (2001), and we close the month with Bryan Bierman, another frequent guest, to discuss the children-playing-detectives oddity Hawk Jones (1986)! Allison and I will also be rolling out articles on some of the films we saw at this year’s Philadelphia Unnamed Film Festival, so keep your eyes out for those!

Until next time - Long Live the Movies!

_________________________________________

This piece was written for MovieJawn, a fabulous site where you can find tons of other excellent movie-centric writings, a shop where you can subscribe to the quarterly physical zine, or listen to me on the  Hate Watch/Great Watch  podcast! Support the MovieJawn Patreon here!
_________________________________________

Philadelphia Unnamed Film Festival, year 7 - 6 Shorts from PUFF 7

6 Short Films from Year 7 at Philadelphia Unnamed Film Festival

By Allison Yakulis, Staff Writer & “Doc” Hunter Bush, Podcast Czar

Forty-five short films, two featurettes, and one music video. Spread out across the four days of this year’s Philadelphia Unnamed Film Festival, interspersed between the eight features, Allison & Hunter took in 45 shorts, 2 featurettes, and 1 video. A lot of hard work went into, well definitely most of them, and it would feel wrong not to shed a little light on at least a few that really stood out.

The majority of the shorts at PUFF are segmented into different blocks, presented on different days: The Bizarre Block (films which defy easy categorization), The Local Block, The International Block, and the Horror Block, with a few stragglers settled in between the features as palate cleansers. The featurettes (Killer Cup (2002), Zombie Love Slave (1999)) were a bit longer than the traditional shorts but not quite feature length, and the music video, for those curious, was a surfy instrumental - “Harper’s Bizarre” by Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the 13th.

Programming a short film block is a bit like making a mixtape, I imagine. You have to control the tonal flow from one to the next, as well as consider how close together you plan similar-seeming entries. We have to give a big, grateful shout out to Maria Colella from PUFF who programmed all the shorts blocks this year, and sifted through 150-ish shorts to find those that made the cut! Great work!

Below are a selection of our favorites:

Ambitus (dir. Louise Mejstelman) - 15 mins

This bittersweet character sketch filmed and set in Paris follows an elderly trumpet player as he struggles to finish composing a piece of music to honor his late lady love, a pianist. Ambitus highlights the pain of love and loss, the fragility of our ever aging bodies, and the immense effort involved in honing a talent and creating something beautiful, and the short itself is beautifully crafted and quite moving. It was selected by PUFF 7 attendees as best short, I’d say deservedly. - AY

From Water Comes Melon (dir. Micah Vassau) - 13 mins

I don’t really know how to accurately describe the vibe of From Water Comes Melon, or really honestly what it’s saying, but I enjoyed it from start to finish. A young lady on a beach finds a watermelon floating ashore but doesn’t know what it is, so she takes it to …a goddess perhaps? The setting and their modes of dress seem almost post-apocalyptic - the young woman is nude but for an elaborate headdress of flowers and n-95 masks over her eyes; the goddess is bedecked in a wedding dress, and an even more elaborate floral headdress with three melting ice cream cones in her hair. It’s chaotic, but I love it so - but then the young woman leaves the beach and enters a modern restaurant kitchen where an older woman, recognizing the watermelon is at its peak ripeness, cuts it into 4 quarters. The long, half moon grin-shaped kind that you hold with two hands to eat or (as the young woman chooses to do) sit down slowly upon in what is definitely someone’s fetish. The short ends with the woman lamenting the lost melon on the beach only to see a dozen new melons have washed up. Is director Micah Vassau commenting on loss, or scarcity; dating or sex? Is this a new creation myth? I have no idea, but I loved it. - HB

Billy Kills The Internet (dir. Lon Strickland) - 25 minutes

The universe is in danger from a viral or perhaps fungal threat known as The Internet, an insidious pestilence that once appeared to be a positive technological progression but has since given rise to terrible nonsense and strife. The very young Billy and his compatriots (a couple of puppets and an actual baby) must brave the heavily green screened vacuum of space to obtain the only weapon that can kill the internet from the god Vishnu, and then go do the dang thing. With that frenetic-but-underfunded aesthetic reminiscent of Adult Swim or even more prototypically something on public access cable, Billy Kills The Internet knows its strengths and its limitations and navigates them expertly to deliver a charmingly weird adventure story. Also William Strickland (the titular Billy) delivers an excellent performance that is convincing and earnest despite his young age. It’s a joyful and fun watch. - AY

The Woodsman (dir. Kyle Kuchta) - 13 mins

Bernie is a 3rd generation Christmas Tree salesman and his family’s lot have a streak going: selling every tree on the lot by Christmas each year for 93 years running. With the camera in the perspective of the customers, we see Bernie sell off 2 of his remaining 3 trees with offhand, rumpled charm until only Gertrude (yes, he names the trees) is left. Things get tense as midnight nears and Bernie makes a generous but ultimately futile gesture and pays the price. I would have loved another 10 minutes or so of this, to build the backstory a little, to imply why what happens to Bernie indeed must happen, but the jovial-yet-desperate lead performance from John R. Smith Jr. adds a lot of heart and comedy to the slim narrative. As a bonus, with its horror/comedy/xmas mix, it would pair perfectly with a screening of Gremlins. - HB

The Order (dir. Eric Swiz) - 8 mins

In this age of Grubhub, UberEats, GoPuff, Instacart, and likely a few others I’m forgetting, it’s pretty dang easy to order food from wherever to wherever without having to do much more than tap on the screen of the phone in your pocket. So why not mobilize all the power of the delivery gig economy to do something just a shade more evil than claiming your drivers to be “independent contractors” so you don’t have to provide benefits or guarantee base pay while you levy hefty service fees on small business restaurants? Perhaps to tweak a few ones and zeros to allow for something unusual to be delivered. Something…sacrificial? With decent effects and a confidently executed concept, The Order delivers a wicked punchline to its very mundane and familiar setup. - AY

Greed (dir. Amber Danger Johnson) - 4 mins

This is what’s termed a micro short for being under 5 minutes long, but in that time, Amber Danger Johnson and star Joy Dolo deliver a very interesting piece. Dolo, in abstract geometric face paint sits at an elaborately set table. A banquet lies before her; all golden plates of food and goblets of wine (presumably). She speaks, addressing all women with a message to no longer settle for allowing others to tell them when they have had enough, encouraging them to decide for themselves. Interspersed with this, and punctuated by deep rattling bursts of music (think: that one big “BWOMP” note that’s in almost every movie trailer) is text on screen, telling the men that their time is up. It ends with the audio and visual messages nearly harmonizing to communicate one thing: An era of chaos begins now. I loved it. The addition of the text took something that could otherwise seem preachy pr pretentious and made it genuinely funny. I imagined this as the cold open to a gender-divided version of something like The Purge, and now that’s kind of all I want to see. Why not? - HB

It is a point of pride for the Philadelphia Unnamed Film Festival’s crew to highlight local talent and look for hidden gems among the year’s festival submissions when deciding what to show - and the shorts blocks exemplify this intent. If you want to see who’s making films in Philly that are worth watching, PUFF’s got them. If you want to see little snippets of weirdness from overseas, PUFF’s got them. If you want to see things that are too extreme for VOD or mainstream distribution and this might just be your only chance to watch, PUFF’s got them. Not only that, but they keep getting better every year with more mind blowing finds and stronger submissions. Passionate people run this fest, and we all know passionate people make the best stuff. Thank you for reading. Hope we see you at PUFF next year!

_________________________________________

This piece was written for MovieJawn, a fabulous site where you can find tons of other excellent movie-centric writings, a shop where you can subscribe to the quarterly physical zine, or listen to me on the  Hate Watch/Great Watch  podcast! Support the MovieJawn Patreon here!
_________________________________________

EVERYTHING OLD IS NEW AGAIN - Vol. 44

Everything Old is New Again
Volume 44 - October, 2022

By “Doc” Hunter Bush, Podcast Czar

Whew! We did it! We made it another year! No, sorry, not to the end of the calendar, but to the best time of year. There’s a chill in the air, I’ve had to switch to a full on slippers-and-robe ensemble when lounging around the house, and I have to bring my herb garden inside at night. That’s right - it’s finally actually autumn, and the Spooky Season has come once again! Maybe you want a peek at some of the movies & TV coming in October? Maybe you specifically want to know about projects based on previously existing stories, movies or other intellectual properties?

If that’s the case you have, and I cannot stress this enough, come to the right place. This is Everything Old is New Again, a monthly column devoted to exactly that. Herein I will watch the available trailers, and let you know what I think. Am I excited? Is this remake, adaptation, or long gap sequel based on something I’m familiar with? I will let you know. My hope is that I help you find your way to something you’re excited to see.

In addition to that, down at the bottom I’ve included a SPOTLIGHT section highlighting another EOINA-friendly film or series that’s not brand new, but maybe one that went under your radar. I hope you enjoy, now let’s get spooky!

<>

PREMIERES - Brand new to screens large and small

October 2nd

An Interview with the Vampire (series)
Where: AMC

Based on Anne Rice’s 1976 debut novel that set the literary world (not to mention millions of loins the world over) on fire. I attempted to read one of Rice’s vampire novels once but it quickly became obvious that whichever one I’d picked was not a particularly good jumping-on point and I abandoned it, but various of my respected big reader friends have largely positive, if somewhat complicated feelings on this particular area of Rice’s career.

From what I know, this series adapting Interview more accurately captures the innate horniness and queerness of early Rice. Having only recently watched the 1994 film adaptation of Interview all the way through in a single sitting (having previously caught snippets here and there over the years) I can say - it’s not like that one ISN’T horny or ISN’T queer, it’s just the 1994 major theatrical release version of those things; mostly longing and yearning. But it’s 2022 now and I’m ready to embrace the horniness! Embrace the queerness! Embrace the …hunger!

The trailer doesn’t really give too much away plot wise, in the present day, a journalist (Eric Bogosian!) interviews Louis (Jacob Anderson - Grey Worm from Game of Thrones!), a man claiming to be a vampire, who spins a lengthy tale of the aforementioned hunger(s), beginning at the tail end of the 18th century in New Orleans when he encounters Lestat (Sam Reid). Both of these characters appear in numerous books across Rice’s Vampire Chronicles, a series of dozens of titles published over 40+ years, so there’s almost no end to where this series could go.

The production design looks good, the tone feels right and I for one am extremely on board.

4th

Hellraiser (dir.David Bruckner)
Where: Hulu

Finally. The Hellraiser film franchise - beginning in 1987, with some soft reboots attempted here and there up through 2018 - has largely been spinning its wheels. In all iterations of Hellraiser, someone encounters a puzzle box, solves it and encounters the Cenobites: otherworldly beings that describe themselves as travelers and collectors of experience; “Angels to some, demons to others”. Having done a (nearly) complete series rewatch a few years ago, one thing that becomes readily apparent is that almost no one, aside from original director and author of the source material Clive Barker could conceive of the Cenobites as anything other than your garden variety demons. But what made them so impactful originally is that they are much stranger than that.

The team bringing the 2022 Hellraiser to us knows about strangeness. Director David Brucker, along with writers Ben Collins and Luke Piotrowski most recently delivered 2020’s The Night House, a film about loss and grief with a supernatural angle that feels unlike many other haunted house style films in recent years. I won’t spoil it but their conception of- and approach to the supernatural in the film is truly unique and unsettling.

Right off the bat in this trailer, they’re dodging expectations. A young man named Joey (Brandon Flynn) is invited by Mr. Voight, who is potentially an art collector (?) (Goran Visnjic) to approach the puzzle box, sitting on a display pedestal. As the camera moves up, we realize that it is not in its usual Rubik’s-Cube-from-Hell configuration, but a different orientation not unlike an angular hourglass. “If I solve it, do I get a prize?” Joey asks, to which Voight replies “I do.” As you’d expect, Joey solves the box and then is presumably killed because he doesn’t seem to be the main character and we’re introduced to Riley (Odessa A’zion) who, counter to Joey’s apparent ignorance, seems to know what the box is and might intentionally be looking for it? Obviously the trailer is playing things close to the vest, so these are guesses, but that’s the nature of the beast.

A big part of Hellraiser lore is their hub world - an endless labyrinth overseen by a geometric entity called Leviathan that is somehow connected to the Cenobites’ whole deal. It originally didn’t make an appearance until Hellbound: Hellraiser II (1988), as a greater expansion on the eldritch nature of these beings, before (as I said above) largely being ignored because I guess nobody knew how to work with that level of weirdness (?). But I’m thrilled to say it makes an appearance here, with one of the Cenobites (presumably Pinhead played by Jamie Clayton) saying “Feed it. Their blood. Their pain. All for us.”. A sacrifice, perhaps? But to what end?

Let’s talk about Pinhead briefly. This is, honestly, the part of this column I’ve been looking forward to for about 2 months. And no, I don’t care that Pinhead is now being portrayed by a woman. Who could possibly care? That’s a dumb thing to argue about, not to mention that the character upon which Pinhead is based is described as if not actually genderless then at least of an unconfirmable gender due to the …Cenobite-ness of their clothing and adornment. Moving on: What I *actually* want to talk about is that I think the writers may be leaning into having a brand new take on Pinhead and that is just so fucking exciting to me! If you’re going to remake something, make it new! Have fun with it! Make it interesting!

This new Pinhead’s design in general and the pins specifically, seem much more fashionable and fashion designer-y than the 1980’s fetish bar Goth aesthetic of the original (not that there’s anything wrong with that). I’m wondering if, instead of some kind of disillusioned soldier-turned-Cenobite backstory, they may be laying groundwork for a completely new origin based in some way around fashion? Perhaps a designer or tailor of some kind? The pins seem to have little pearls on their heads, which remind me of tailor’s pins and the overall design is much more elegant. So yes, that’s my big theory on this Pinhead. I hope I’m right - for the clout - but I won’t be particularly bummed to be wrong. I’m just happy there’s a new, interesting and exciting looking take on Hellraiser. They have such sights to show us and I can’t wait to see them!

8th

Bring It On: Cheer or Die (dir. Karen Lam)
Where: SyFy

This will be the 7th film in the Bring It On franchise, which began in 2000 with the original rival-cheerleading-troupes-competing-for-the-something-something romcom starring Kirsten Dunst & Gabrielle Union (among others). But. Now. They’re really swinging for the fences and making a slasher movie!

I know!

How fun is that? Now, does it look especially interesting? Not really, but to be fair the trailer spends most of its time hammering home “Yes, this is the same franchise. We’re just taking it for a walk.” which - again - I LOVE. So you’ve got a bunch of teenage cheerleaders and cheerleader-adjacent folks trying to avoid getting stabbed by the team mascot (the Diablos, btw - so a fun devil costume) and yadda yadda yadda.

Just a few years ago, a similar esoteric horror approach to a familiar property dropped: The Banana Splits Movie (2019) directed by Danishka Esterhazy. It could have been nothing; a blip, an oddity quickly forgotten. But it was actually quite well-done and in 2021 Esterhazy brought a similar approach (if not quite as off-kilter) to the remake of Slumber Party Massacre! Similarly, with Cheer or Die, it will all come down to the execution. If this were coming to a theater (especially in our current societal situation) I wouldn’t seek this out, but since it will just appear on the SyFy Channel (home of the Chucky series, see next entry), I surely will. Can’t wait!

10th

Chucky (series) Season 2
Where: SyFy

The first season of SyFy’s Chucky series, from character co-originator Don Mancini, was fantastic. It did TV of this stripe exactly the way you want it to be done: excellent stunt casting; fun, likeable (or hateable) characters; lots of creative scares and kills; and solid production values. Additionally it added to the franchise and the world of the titular serial-killer-in-a-doll’s-body in meaningful ways. Most importantly, it references the character’s past without feeling heavily beholden to it.

After the events of the first season, we find the series main kid characters Jake, Devon, and Lexy (Zackary Arthur, Bjorgvin Arnarson, and Alyvia Alyn Lind respectively) sent up river to a religious juvenile rehabilitation center, Incarnate Lord, to pray away the cray so to speak. Of course they’re not safe from Chucky there and we get to see the Chuckster (voiced by Brad Dourif) choking a priest out with a rosary!

This season also folds in references to the further corners of the Chucky lore map and seems to have a major side plot following Jennifer Tilly (who if you don’t know, is playing a semi-fictional version of herself because Chucky is a beautifully chaotic franchise) and her relationship with Chuck.

I’m super excited for this. I had an absolute b-l-a-s-t with the first season and, miracle of miracles, they’ve decided to bring back Devon Sawa in a completely new role despite him having been killed off (twice) in season one! You have to love the commitment to unconventional genre filmmaking.

14th

Halloween Ends (dir. David Gordon Green)
Where: in theaters

The final film in the current Halloween trilogy (begun in 2018, long gap sequels to the 1978 original), this looks ostensibly decent. I was cautiously optimistic for the 2018 entry, and left the theater completely entertained, but last year’s Halloween Kills was a shitshow that started off strong but devolved into goofy wheel spinning that felt directionless and was genuinely boring to watch.

If you’re unfamiliar with the plot of Halloween (1978): as a child, Michael Myers killed his sister. He was then institutionalized for many years before escaping and attempting to kill his other sister, Laurie (Jamie Lee Curtis). Yadda yadda yadda, he was then institutionalized again until 2018 when he escaped and attempted to kill Laurie and her daughter and granddaughter. She lured him into a trap and burned her home down around him. Halloween Kills followed immediately afterwards with the entire town slowly slipping into mass hysteria and hilariously chanting “Evil dies tonight!” over and over. Having killed Laurie’s daughter (Judy Greer) Michael manages to evade capture in the end.

And also if you’re unfamiliar with Halloween (1978): SEE HALLOWEEN (1978)! IT IS QUITE GOOD! 

Anyway, apparently four years have passed since the end of Kills, and it seems like Michael Myers has been living in the sewers? Ok. There’s a hilarious (to me) moment where Myers menaces somebody who wandered into the wrong viaduct or whatever, and Michael pulls his kitchen knife just out of the raw earth of the surrounding tunnel? Like, that’s just where he keeps it? So weird.

I’m definitely seeing this, but almost begrudgingly. I am genuinely curious if the trailer’s implication that Laurie thinks she must die to truly kill Michael will be seen through to its obvious conclusion.

20th

V/H/S/99 (dirs. Flying Lotus, Maggie Levin, Tyler MacIntyre, Johannes Roberts, Joseph Winter, Vanessa Winter)
Where: Shudder

The V/H/S anthology series is always going to be a bit of a mixed bag. Anthologies always are. Even in whatever your favorite anthology film is, I’m sure you have favorite segments or ones that took you longer to warm up to. The initial V/H/S (2012) featured a wraparound segment of criminals breaking into a location to steal a specific video tape only to find the house filled with them.

The trailer available currently is just a teaser, so it’s hard to figure out what footage might go together, or what the framing device might be, but there’s definitely something like a seance, someone offscreen being decapitated with a shovel, a nude human(oid) in the desert, someone with a spider crawling on their face, a guy about to have a big green needle shoved into his head, and some kind of audience for a show called Ozzy’s Dungeon.

I overall really enjoyed the original V/H/S but honestly haven’t kept up with the series as much as I’d like. Maybe I’ll marathon them all as we get near Halloween. Anybody wanna join?

21st

Black Adam (dir. Jaume Collet-Serra)
Where: in theaters

Anymore, these big tentpole comic book movies feel like those “food dare” style videos. The era of introducing a central character through storytelling and reasonable conflict are l-o-n-g gone. Now it’s all a triple-decker taco pizza with bacon cheeseburgers for the crust! To wit: this is the introduction to Black Adam, which seems to span over 5000 years from ancient Egypt to modern day wherever in the DCU world. On top of that we’re introducing a version of the Justice Society (a comparable organization to the Justice League), with this incarnation featuring Dr. Fate (Pierce Brosnan) - DC’s Doctor Strange, Atom Smasher (Noah Centineo) - kind of DC’s Ant-Man, Hawkman (Aldis Hodge) - a space cop believe it or not, and Cyclone (Quintessa Swindell) - she has wind powers.

That’s a lot of brand new characters, but we’re not done. There are also a ton of super solder-looking guys in the trailer that I think are supposed to be Intergang foot soldiers (Intergang are a crime syndicate with alien weapons and technology) AND the demonic Sabbac, who will definitely be the “real” villain that allows the antihero Black Adam and the purely heroic Justice Society to find a common enemy.

My big question after watching all three of these trailers is: Where’s Shazam? In the comics, Black Adam’s origin is as an early chosen bearer of the Shazam powers who used them for revenge due to his tragic backstory and became a despotic ruler of his fictional home country. Part of the voice over said something about Adam’s son sacrificing himself, but I don’t remember that from anything I have ever read (Adam had a nephew, with whom he shared his powers, so Adam killed him to become more powerful). To be fair though, Black Adam was created in 1945 (by Otto Binder and C.C. Beck) so I could easily have missed something in his 80+ year existence.

Anyway, much like the triple-decker taco pizza with the bacon cheeseburger crust, this movie (and this overall more-is-more instant franchise approach) leaves me uninterested, disappointed and a little queasy just looking at it.

SPOTLIGHT - Not new, but if you haven’t seen it, it’s new to you!

October 20th

Annabelle: Creation (2017) (dir. Davd F. Sandberg)
Where: Hulu

Annabelle is a spooky haunted doll who originated in The Conjuring films (I mean, she’s actually based on a real spooky haunted doll but I digress) and Creation - as you might expect - tells her origin story. The story itself isn’t any great or original stuff, but the details and the ways in which all the scares are doled out really worked for me. There’s a genuinely frightening scarecrow (a fave monster subgenre of mine), numerous ghostly activities, and even one sequence that echoes one of the best scenes in Jaws. I loved it and the finale actually got me really excited to see the implied next installment (which as it turns out, I had actually missed when it came out in 2014 whomp-whomp ¯\_(ツ)_/¯). I cannot recommend Creation enough, but with the caveat that you are likely to be let down by both 2014’s Annabelle and 2019’s Annabelle Comes Home.

<>

So there you have it. Some of it at least. I’d like to give an additional recommendation for the Shudder Ghoul Log (a jackolantern version of the Christmas seasonal Yule Log you may be more familiar with), which is a perfect accompaniment to costume construction, treat baking, decorating, or even just giving your spooky playlist a test-listen.

Thank you for reading! I hope you may have found something you’re excited to watch this month, and if you have please let me know! Thanks to MovieJawn for hosting and posting! If you’d like to listen to my podcast - the Hate Watch/Great Watch podcast - which I cohost with Allison Yakulis, we have two spooky season appropriate episodes this month. On the 5th we’re joined by guest Nicole “Bottle” Carter to discuss Bong Joon-ho’s 2006 eco-horror kaiju movie The Host, and then on the 19th we dive into the legacy of 1989’s under-seen Phantom of the Opera adaptation starring genre mainstay Jill Schoelen and Freddy Krueger himself Robert Englund! This episode ties directly into my article in the Fall 2022 MovieJawn Zine, so make sure to order one or subscribe!

Have a safe and happy spooky holiday and until next time, Long Live the Movies!

_________________________________________

This piece was written for MovieJawn, a fabulous site where you can find tons of other excellent movie-centric writings, a shop where you can subscribe to the quarterly physical zine, or listen to me on the  Hate Watch/Great Watch  podcast! Support the MovieJawn Patreon here!
_________________________________________