"Avengers: Infinity War (2018)"

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The following is my original, unedited article written for MovieJawn,
(though honestly they didn't edit much of anything, really).
Plus some more pictures for added pizzazz.
Enjoy!
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I've seen Avengers: Infinity War! I've seen it, gang and I was sworn to secrecy about it! For real. I wasn't even supposed to tell anyone that I was going or where or when! I dunno about you, but I'd never had a major entertainment monopoly give me the "this stays between us" agreement. What would happen if I told people? Maybe Hulk would come and crush my favorite DVDs into dust or Scarlet Witch would hex me so french fries would taste like drywall forever? The theoretical horrors are endless... but probably Captain America would just show up (with that beard) and just tell me how disappointed he was in me. And that would hurt worst of all.

"Truth Or Dare (2018)"

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The following is my review of Truth Or Dare, written for MOVIEJAWN.
This is my unedited version, so any spelling or grammatical errors are my own.
Plus, I image-searched up some pictures for added pizzazz.
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Without spoiling the ending, Blumhouse's Truth Or Dare blows the opportunity to have a series of movies where a Demon corrupts kids' games to make them deadly. Just imagine 2020's Duck, Duck, Goose, where a possessed teen is transformed into a horrendous cygnine creature, honking through a bloody bill full of sharp teeth or 2023's Red Rover, whose poster shows a line of battleworn 20-somethings with interlocked arms holding kitchen knives and meat cleavers.

Alas, it is not to be...