Hail and well met, internet scroller! Welcome to EVERYTHING OLD IS NEW AGAIN, my column focused on Remakes, Adaptations and Long-Gap Sequels (a.k.a. Legacy Sequels). If a movie (or TV show) is based on some previously existing concept, it probably counts and I’ll probably talk about it.
So what’s new with all of you? If you think I’m just being “cute” because I can’t hear your responses, I encourage you to drop a comment below: tell me what actually IS new with you! What are YOU working on? What are YOU excited about? Because I’m extremely excited to be handling the MovieJawn Podcast Network! It’s a lot of logistics, not usually always my strong suit - I’m an Idea Man, not traditionally a Details Guy - but I’m having a lot of fun with it. We just dropped the premier episode of our newest pod Killer Bs (all about B-movie/genre/character actors) and you should listen to it HERE.
But enough about podcasts (for now…), we’re here to talk about MOVIES, baybee! So let’s do that. The way EOINA works is: I watch trailers for all appropriate films/series, summarize the (for lack of a better term) vibe I’m getting from the project, give my best educated guess as to where things might be headed and let you know whether I’ll be tuning in.
PREMIERS
These are all the movies coming to the various streaming services in March.
4th:
Pacific Rim: The Black (season 1)
Where: Netflix
Based in the same universe as the 2013 Guillermo del Toro original that pitted dual-piloted giant mecha called Jaegers (German for “Hunter”) against the equally giant monstrous Kaiju (Japanese for “Strange Beast”) this animated series for Netflix follows a teenage brother and sister who have been in hiding in their unspecified city for 5 years following a devastating Kaiju attack, waiting for their parents to return. Somehow they stumble into a hidden hanger that houses an unused Jaeger which is still powered-up and just needs pilots, so the siblings suit up and set off to find their parents. I loved the original Pacific Rim quite a bit and while I’m not adverse to a YA series set in that world, there are a lot of really convenient things at play in just the trailer: Stumbling into a government facility? The Jaeger being fully operational? Didn’t it take whole teams to run the systems that allowed the Jaegers to operate, like a NASA command center? Etc. So while I am fully on board to check this out, I’m not sure I’ll be able to completely suspend my disbelief to the degree that I’d want to. Beyond that, the art looks pretty decent - it resembles the style of the Netflix Godzilla animated movies from the last few years but smoother and less janky - and I’m literally never not in the mood for a giant monster movie / series, so I will definitely be checking this out, I just hope it can hook me and tell me a decent story.
5th:
Coming 2 America (dir. Craig Brewer)
Where: Amazon Prime
The long-gap sequel to 1988’s original, Coming 2 America finds Akeem (Eddie Murphy) returning to New York with his friend and aide Semmi (Arsenio Hall) to find his (male) heir. The first trailer didn’t make a very convincing argument for this flick’s existence beyond watching Murphy & Hall - who both look amazing btw! - rehash gags and characters from the original, luckily there exists a second trailer. This one establishes that Akeem’s home nation of Zamunda is under threat of a coup (imagine that) from wannabe ruler General Izzy (my man Wesley Snipes) and also adds some modern day social context in the form of Meeka, Akeem’s daughter (you can tell because her name is his name backwards) who would be a fine ruler except that “A woman isn’t allowed to rule Zamunda. It’s the law.” It’s not that I’m necessarily dying for the characters from a 33 year-old comedy to weigh in on modern social issues, but the inclusion of some new ground for them to cover makes me infinitely more interested in watching that just the shallow retread I first took this for.
19th:
The Falcon and The Winter Solider (episode 1)
Where: Disney+
Just a few weeks after the finale of WandaVision (Ryan Silberstein’s recaps of which can be read HERE), Disney+ is back in the Marvel expanded cinematic universe game with The Falcon and the Winter Soldier. We last saw these boys (Anthony Mackie & Sebastian Stan respectively) in Avengers: Endgame where they left things on seemingly decent footing. However, this trailer opens with them in whatever amounts to the Marvel espionage world’s equivalent of couples counselling. They seem to be butting heads over each other’s way of doing things or possibly who should be the leader, though potentially it’s over who should get to wield Captain America’s famous shield (in the comics both Sam and Bucky have been Captains America at some point or another). Beyond that, we don’t get too much info on what the series might be about: Zemo (Daniel Brühl) - the villain from The Avengers: Age of Ultron - has returned, carrying a purple mask that’s a bit of nerdy fanservice which I totally popped for as has international spy Sharon Carter (Emily VanCamp)! If I’m being honest, what’s got me most hyped about this after seeing the trailer ...is another show entirely. WandaVision did such an enjoyable and entertaining job of keeping me invested in these characters, and of growing the universe, that it actually gives me hope that F&WS will exceed its seeming Mission-of-the-Week spy set-up and do the same!
25th:
DOTA: Dragon’s Blood (season 1)
Where: Netflix
Let’s get some infodumping out of the way: DOTA is a MOBA. Are you unfamiliar with either of these acronyms? Ok boomer, I’ll explain them for you (I’m kidding; I myself am a million years old). DOTA stands for Defense of the Ancients and is the title of a series of Multiplayer Online Battle Arena games, the modern incarnation of real-time strategy games like Starcraft and Warcraft (the original DOTA was a mod built on top of one of the Warcraft sequels actually). What that all means is that the player is in a league with other players against rival leagues of players, all using magic and weaponry to kill each other and claim land or special tokens or what have you. What’s that got to do with being adapted into another of Netflix’s anime series? Well, the lore in DOTA is pretty cool and reasonably elaborate and that’s kind of a huge thing in certain corners of the gaming world. There are whole YouTube accounts that do nothing but unpack the lore of various properties, from Destiny to Dungeons and Dragons. Anywhere that a story is being doled out in little, sometimes conflicting bits and bobs, you’ll find some industrious nerd willing to parse it all out. So anyway, DOTA exists in a fantasy setting not unlike the aforementioned D&D. There were a lot of bulletpoints being thrown at me in the trailer but the key conflict seems to revolve around some magic lotus flowers, the possession of which will make someone the goddess of the moon? So those get stolen in some sort of power bid. There’s also a knight named Devion who wants to kill all dragons for some reason and he teams up with a lady archer who wants to steal back the lotuses. I’m not really sure who any of these characters are, or whom I should be rooting for, but if I’m being honest I love this kind of lore. I know about those lore-heavy podcasts because I enjoy hearing these elaborate mythologies laid out in a satisfyingly linear fashion. Will Dragon’s Blood give that to me? Maybe. Here’s hoping.
26th:
Invincible (season 1)
Where: Amazon Prime
This animated series based on the Image Comics series created by Robert Kirkman & artist Cory Walker looks great! Kirkman (creator of The Walking Dead) has a knack for taking a story that feels threadbare and finding new angles with which to appreciate it, so when I tell you that Invincible is the story about a kid (Steven Yeun) whose father (J.K. Simmons) is a superhero, and who longs for superpowers of his own, trust that things are not going to consistently play out in ways you are familiar. This book (most of which I have read) is so full of fantastic twists and character growth as well as a really satisfying weight applied to its more violent moments, I’ve been recommending it to people for years! Hard to say for sure whether this Amazon series will deliver the same dopamine high, but with the quality of animation (very similar to the book’s art style which was maintained by artist Ryan Ottley) and as stacked a voice cast as this thing has (come for the Jason Mantzoukas, stay for dozen or so other greats including Michael Dorn!) at the very least I’ll be entertained!
The Mighty Ducks: Game Changers (episode 1)
Where: Disney+
It may be hard to understand if you weren’t there (hashtag only ‘90s kids will understand) but in the ‘90s The Mighty Ducks had a Moment. The original 1992 film spawned two sequels, a bizarre cartoon (seriously - it involves a race of sentient ducks from a world where hockey is everything, embroiled in a forever war with a race of conqueror lizard people) and, wildest of all perhaps, an actual hockey team (still active)! This latest series, despite a line of dialogue dropped early in the trailer stating “...little different than the Ducks of the ‘90s.” seems like exactly the same story: group of misfits bad at hockey seek out former hockey great Gordon Bombay (Emilio Estevez) to coach them. I dunno, I like The Mighty Ducks just fine but don’t really know that I need to watch it again in a new form. Like, I can just watch the original if I so crave, yes? I kind of wish there was another trailer that gave me a better idea of what else might be going on in this series, if anything. There are some decent laughs in the trailer though - particularly when one kid (Maxwell Simkins - Philadelphia native!) who says he has “more of a podcast body” which made me laugh, not just because I could sympathize but he nailed that delivery. So maybe this series can get by on the charm of its cast alone (that has been hockey-mom Lauren Graham’s steez since forever, so...)?
The Irregulars (season 1)
Where: Netflix
This Sherlock Holmes spin-off only has a teaser trailer, not a full one, so I’m going off of the barest bones here, but it actually looks vaguely interesting. In the Holmes stories, “the Baker Street Irregulars” were orphans and urchins that Holmes paid to be his eyes and ears as to the goings-on of London, since it’s not exactly a small place. I don’t know that they’re ever explicitly aged, but in my head they were kids; the Oliver Twist type image of orphans has become inextricably linked in my head to London as a city. The first of The Irregulars’ changes is to age them up so that they’re all steamy teens with ...I dunno simmering loins and hormonal drama, or whatever. More interestingly, this also heavily implies that the central mystery involves magic. Sherlock Holmes stories & their various adaptations have skirted around magic occasionally but as far as I recall they’ve always ended up being explained through Victorian-era science. This Irregulars trailer is primarily a trail of blue CGI fire circuitously racing across a map of London with narration about evil that uses phrases like “...shadow of a nightmare…” and the like, and shows footage that includes what appears to be a man igniting from the inside with the same blue flame and later a women apparently breathing similarly blue steam? I’m wondering if what makes them “irregular” in this new context is some kind of bobo X-Men mutant powers? I might check this out as my partner (Allison Yakulis) loves Sherlock Holmes things but our continued interest will depend on either the pure quality of their addition to Holmes as a conceptual property or, if things get truly wild, the talent and watchability of the cast.
SPOTLIGHT
These are some EOINA-appropriate flicks that, though they’re not premiers, are still worth a look:
1st:
Constantine (dir. Francis Lawrence)
Where: HBO Max
Keanu Reeves starring in an adaptation of a comic book whose main character is a snarky film noir-esque supernatural crime solver? OF COURSE I like this movie! But, and this is what’s really important, it’s really damn good. When supernatural detective John Constantine (Reeves) is hired by a beautiful dame (Rachel Weisz) to investigate the suspicious death of her twin sister, he quickly realizes that he’d be in over his head if he was anyone other than John Constantine. There’s a ton of really fun and engaging world building (which I LOVE), great action and a stellar supporting cast (Pruitt Taylor Vince, Djimon Hounsou, Peter Stormare! - a beautifully ambiguous Tilda Swinton! - Bush singer Gavin Rossdale?) and a fantastic lead performance from Keanu. The same sort of beaten-down confidence and reluctance to escalate a situation that will serve him well in the John Wick franchise are on full display here, plus some really brilliant pitch black humor. A personal favorite. The pic above features a piece of my art inspired by a scene from the flick, made for a friend who also loves it (Hi Sandy!).
5th:
Iron Mask (2019) (dir. Oleg Stepchenko)
Where: Hulu
This flick is not what you might traditionally call “good”. It doesn’t make what you might traditionally call “sense”, the stakes and rules are not what you might traditionally call “clear”, the little CGI pseudo-Pokémonster looks like what you might traditionally call “Chris Kattan”. BUT. It’s a lot of fun if you can get on its level. Inspired by a bunch of myths and legends all poured into a blender and intended to appeal to an international audience, this movie features a fight scene between Arnold Schwarzenegger (who I *think* is supposed to be British in this?!?!) and Jackie Chan (long may he reign)! What more could you possibly need to know? Monsters, magic, wuxia action and honestly great lighting abound. If you like the batshit crazy, sure-why-not, anything can happen style of Big Trouble in Little China, I can’t imagine you being disappointed in Iron Mask.
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This is a film-light / TV series-heavy EOINA which is maybe unsurprising given the past year’s difficulties. I hope wherever you are, reading this, that you’re safe and healthy and doing everything to stay that way. Thank you as always for reading and for potentially sharing this with friends (?). If you’ve got something to say about the column, or about any of the items covered, feel free to leave a comment below or on social media! Follow the MJ Podcast Network and my own pod (co-hosted by Allison Yakulis) Hate Watch / Great Watch - we’re about to drop our 50th episode! I’m very proud of us and I hope you’ll check it out. Until next time, Long Live the Movies!
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This piece was written for Moviejawn where you can find tons of other excellent movie-centric writings, a shop where you can subscribe to the quarterly physical zine and also listen to the I Saw It In a Movie, Cinematic Crypt or Hate Watch / Great Watch podcasts!
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